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One Wing in the Fire

Novel By: ConcreteAngel
Fantasy


Ameria is an angel of L'Ange Island. She leads a fairly normal life of battles and late teenage years. Until one day she is drawn to this strange guy and he tells her she must kill Izak before he starts the battle of all battles that will destroy her community. Will she save her community and kill Izak before the battle rages or will something stand in her way. (Just remember folks, expect the unexpected, I strive to make my story different and not cliche) (Just fyi, there are no vamps in this story) View table of contents...

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Submitted: Nov 22, 2008    Reads: 256    Comments: 27    Likes: 7   


I ruffled my exquisite wings then stretched them trying to see if anything had been broken in the small war that had just started before me that I had had to help finish although I hadn't started it this time. I felt only a small twitch of pain, but it was in my shoulder and was just brought on by the movement of my wings.

Letting my eyes gaze over the scattered bodies on the land stretching before me, I noticed that my side hadn't had that big of a casualty. There were maybe fifty mangled bodies in my vision. Not all had been lost, I could see that a good bunch of them were still breathing lightly as the nurses from our small hospital arrived to see who they might manage to save.

I grimaced. I hated to have to fight, but when we had invaders on our land we had no choice but to help rid of them if they showed a threat to our enviroment. I couldn't deny the thrill that it gave me though, not the killing, just the speed and agility of the fighters. The thrill was even bigger when we had the victory.

Turning swiftly on my heels I headed toward the river on the other side of our land. There was a waterfall there and it was a quick, easy way to clean yourself after a battle. Once there I dusted off my tattered dress then pulled it from my body. There was a pretty deep gash above my right breast and I remembered now the metal like claw with lightening quick reflexes that had dug in there.

The pain had been almost unbearable then but I had ignored it, bringing a swift foot up into the unarmored gut of the enemy causing him to soar twenty feet back, he had collided with a well placed tree and one of our guys had finished him off.

Not many here were shy and modest about their bodies. Not with the other's of our kingdom around atleast, we most certainly did not strut around outside of L'Ange Island in the nude. There was also the law of no nudity at the rivers when the childen of L'Ange were out and about. Lucky for me, it was school hours, so no pesky little varmants were scampering around beneath my uncoordinated feet.

After stripping out of the rest of my clothing items, I flicked my long cherry black hair back over my shoulder where it fell down between my wings and halfway down my back. In my peripheral vision I could see that a few of the feathers in my strong, yet delicate wings were out of place. I would have to get Nataly to fix that for me later.

Gingerly placing one foot infront of the other I made my way into the water, praying all the way in that I could get through to the waterfall without busting my butt on one of the slippery rocks beneath the surface of the glistening, rippling water.

The icy liquid lapping at my naked legs, froze me to the core, but I would much rather be freezing than dirty with grime and blood. The spray from the waterfall had me recoiling away, shivering violently I finally gathered up the courage and without another thought stepped quickly through the thick wall of water.

My feet were numb by now and my legs weren't much up for the task of moving. Finally shuffling down far enough that I wasn't getting the full blast of the pounding water, I stood still just allowing the water to pour over me, my body seeming to accept the temperature and adjust to it was now coming back alive and I could feel my feet once again.

I hadn't even thought of stopping to pick up any shampoo or anything, I grumbled and shoved away the thought.

Hearing the arrival of the troops I made my way out of the water so they could have it to theirselves and I wouldnt have to deal with their rough housing. I scanned the small group. My eyes searched for a certain four, Travis, Rikie, Pablo and Oskar. Thankfully they were all among the group, these four guys were extremely important for our side to not lose. Not only were they some of our strongest fighters, but one happened to be my little brother and the others all close friends.

I could see Rikie's eye's were focused somewhere off in the distance. He must have spotted my dress even before I had stepped out from the shield like wall of water. Although everyone seen everyone naked, the men of families tried their hardest not to lay eyes on the women of their family.

Feeling the stares of some of the other guys I rolled my eyes and wrinkled my nose. They act like they've never seen a naked girl before. I quickly slipped back into my clothes trying my best not to ruffle anymore of my elegant feathers.

"Ameria."

I heard the hoarse whisper of my name. At first I thought it was just one of the guys being childish but as I spun around they were all busy shoving each other around and stripping as they ran into the water.

I cocked my head to the side and furrowed my brow listening intently for the voice again. I wasn't sure if I would be able to hear anything over the noise of the guys thrashing around. After a moment though I knew perfectly well that I heard it again, my head wasn't playing tricks with me.

"Ameria come forth." the voice croaked.

My eyes filled with fear. This was an unfamiliar voice to my ear's, I couldn't remember ever hearing it before. But somehow, against my will, my feet marched forward into the cover of the tree's ahead of me.

alt

Just a better look at the picture for the story!


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Comments:

I like the way you ended this, I am definitely curious as to who was calling her name. Let me know when more is posted.

Posted: Nov 22, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks, it's different than my usual writing style but I was happy with it and i'm glad someone else liked it to! i'll def. let you know when more is up!

Angel, how you gonna leave me hanging.
Hurry up , I want to know whos calling her.
Good so far, angellynn.

Posted: Nov 22, 2008

Author Comment:

haha I'm sorry I had to do it :) it makes it more interesting or atleast I think it does, as soon as I get more comments then I will have the next chapter up, it's already written :) thanks for commenting!

This is gorgeous! I'm glad you told me about it. It's very well written, flows beautifully, and I must know what happens next! xxoo- Crimson

Posted: Nov 22, 2008

Author Comment:

Awww well i'm glad you think so :)! I was a little worried since this is my first attempt at the whole fantasy writing thing! Hehe a new chapter will be up soon!

great ending...i really wanna know who is callin he name

Posted: Nov 22, 2008

Author Comment:

Thanks and you shall know soon!

i agree with Crimson Scandal, very well written and excellent flow. i can't think of anything wrong with it. excellent first shot, u nailed it. we the readers are hungry for more lol

Posted: Nov 23, 2008

Author Comment:

Oh wow, thank you so much! It came pretty easily to me, the words just flowed from my head to my fingers where they came out on this screen :) I'm so happy that ppl are liking it! Thank you once again, lol i'll have more up soon, I have it written, just holding up putting it on here for a little longer :)

a great start, leaves you wondering and wanting to read more, great work, keep it up!

Posted: Nov 23, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you very much! I like to leave ppl wondering and wanting more! Thanks once again!

I love a good vampire story as much as the next person, but you do not know how GLAD I was to hear that this had none in it whatsoever!!

Excellent start, and yes, I too am hooked. Let me know when you update!!

~:~Misery

Posted: Nov 23, 2008

Author Comment:

I absolutely love Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Twilight, but I don't like to read all the vampire stories ppl write on here! :) Thanks very much hehe and I'll def. let you know!

i need more,very nice

Posted: Nov 23, 2008

Author Comment:

you can have more soon and thanks!

i really like it and i do want to read more! its realy good and i mean that

good reading

Amanda

Posted: Nov 23, 2008

Author Comment:

Why thank you very kindly Amanda :) I shall have more up pretty soon!

Whoa, this is really good. Keep up the great work :D

Posted: Nov 24, 2008

Author Comment:

:) thanks so much! :)

Cool! This is wicked(good)!!!!! Keep it up!

Posted: Nov 25, 2008

Author Comment:

:) thank you very much and I shall have more posted soon!

oh, yay! An ACTUALLY good fantasy novel, w/out any vampires. *Wipes sweat away from forehead* I luv vampires way more than I should, I've read A LOT of novels about them. not just on Booksie either, and to be honest I'm getting sick of them. jUst because they always follow one of two patterens that drive me insane. well anyway, back to your story (It's rude to rant about other stuff in comments, lol)
I absoultly loved it. Excellenccccceee. :)

Posted: Nov 25, 2008

Author Comment:

haha thank you so very much and yeah I know what you mean i'm getting sick of vampire stories to although I love vampires! i'm so happy you think my novel is good! Thanks for reading!

woah... this chapter makes the reader confused makingt hem want to read more and mroe. desperately trying to find the answers to their questions. I mean that in a good way. ;]

Peace,

~BB~

Posted: Nov 25, 2008

Author Comment:

excellent I want to keep you wanting to read! haha you get more questions you want answered soon though =D Thanks for reading!

I love it..an amazing peace of work i hope to see more rather soon.

Posted: Nov 26, 2008

Author Comment:

=D yay i'm glad that you love it! and I'll have more posted soon, I'll be sure to let you know when its up!

Excellent. Pure excellentness!

Posted: Nov 26, 2008

Author Comment:

haha wow well thanks ya very much!

it was amazing, i enjoyed it, very good

Posted: Nov 29, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you very much!

I am so glad you told me to check out your novel. It's so cool the way you described their wings, etc. You may wish to focus on sentence fluency, though. Every sentence is beautifully written, but you need more variety, I feel. It's just opinion. I quite liked it!
5 stars! ^^ And I added it to my reading list/said I liked it.

Posted: Nov 30, 2008

Author Comment:

:) I'm glad your liking it. hmmm...I like to describe the things that most others don't take the time to describe. Sentence fluency, not quite sure what your talking about lol but i'll try to figure it out and work on that....:) five stars..yay! Thanks for reading!

This is a really good novel so far C:
This first chapter, had me wanting more. So vivid, I was literally imagining the place! I look forward to reading the rest of the chapters 8D
[Shii]

Posted: Dec 1, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you very much, I'm glad you took the time to read it :) yay I kept you wanting more. hmmm my description is doing good then =D

aw, i rlly like this! ♥♥

Posted: Dec 1, 2008

Author Comment:

thankies, i'm glad you like.

i liked this. (it's better than mine lol) it had great description and i can't wait for more.

Posted: Dec 1, 2008

Author Comment:

:) i'm glad you liked, thanks for taking the time to read (I havent read yours yet I don't think lol) I try and use as much description as I can :)

Very beast (good)!!! Good job I read the others but I thought I'd just comment on this one, hope you don't mind! -Moonie

Posted: Dec 13, 2008

Author Comment:

Oh its fine. Thanks for reading, i'm glad you liked it!

very good start, brilliant picture, it caught my eye immediatly!

Posted: Dec 14, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you very much =D

A good begining, your descriptions are very well done. I'll be reading more soon. :) - D.Azir

Posted: Dec 18, 2008

Author Comment:

Thank you so very much! I'll be awaiting your return =D

Okay, so I decided that I'd comment on each chapter so you'd know exactly what I thought about each one specifically.

Okay, the start was interesting and held my attention all the way through!!! Again, perfect descriptions; very vivid!!! :)

Eep!!! A voice was calling her name!!!! I start bawling my eyes out if I were hearing voice!!!!! haha!! I liked it which is wierd cuz I'm not really a fan of this kinda stuff(Although I just started one,lolz). But you're making me change my views!!! :) Srry I gotta go now!!!! Where??? To the next chapter!!! duh! lolz! :)

Posted: Jan 3, 2009

Author Comment:

Yay I love comments on every chapter! Thanks ya very much, I'm happy that you find it interesting! I try to keep the descriptions going throughout the whole novel. I know I would probably start crying to lol...yeah I didn't really think I was a fan of this stuff either but it's so fun to write and some people make it really interesting to read! yay next chappie! whoo hoo!

Your descriptions were beautiful, and the beginning drew me in. I liked it a lot because of its' originality and the right amount of mystery to keep me reading.

The only thing I would recommend would be for you to watch your sentences. I noticed the first one was really long and it kept it from flowing as smoothly as the others. I've realized that when it comes to rhythm it really helps to read my work aloud so you should give it a try.

Really I have no right to be saying this though, because your writing is a lot better than mine :P Keep up the good work!

Posted: Jan 4, 2009

Author Comment:

Thank you so much :) I'm glad you have been drawn into my story and you think its original. I get what you're saying though and I'll go back and check it out. I sometimes have to read poems outload to better understand the meaning and flow. I'm glad you actually spoke up to give constructive criticism and I'll def. try and fix what needs to be fixed :) Thanks for reading!

Hmm, very interesting. I don't normally read stories about angel-like creatures, but this one is fairly good. I'll try to read the other chapters as soon as possible!!!

Posted: Jan 5, 2009

Author Comment:

I'm glad you find it interesting even if it's not what you usually read :)

I love how you plan not to have cliche in your story, I always hate it when you can tell half-way through a novel how it ends. No fun. All the details of the world are very interesting, some startling, but it makes you read on. Perhaps have more of those descriptions, hmmm? Also, watch the length of your sentences as previously stated above, but I think you can have long sentences if used properly. If you look at classics such as Dickins, a whole sentence can look like one paragraph!! @_@

Kepp up the wonderful work!

Posted: Jan 5, 2009

Author Comment:

I like to add stuff into my stories that makes it not cliche, at points it may seem that it will turn out cliche but don't count on it :) I add description wherever I can without it getting to be to much. Alright I'll have to remember to watch my sentence length. Thanks for reading and commenting.



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