May 17, 548
Hope, the one thing I try to hold onto, but it is the one thing that is so hard to keep. How does my mother do it? How can she hold on when she among all of us has felt more pain and misery? I do not understand it. I probably never will, but I try to follow her example, to not be like the others who gave up within minutes, to always try to keep my hope, no matter how deep down it may be. I will not let go as long as she doesn’t.
May 18, 548
Not much has changed. Cadan is still being an ass, Keena is still always with my mother, Dawn is still the same, and my sister is still an assassin. One thing has changed, Tanet won’t leave me alone for even a second, now I know why my mother ignores him most of the time, but hey, he is my great great great great great(and many more greats) grandfather. I’ve learned to deal with him the same way you do with any annoying relatives, just ignore them, and eventually they’ll go away.
May 23, 548
Tanet still won’t leave me alone, and he’s not telling me what he wants from me either.
June 14, 549
It’s been over a year since I wrote anything, I guess now is good as anytime to start again. Tanet, as always, will not give me one moment of peace, apparently ignoring him is just making him more persistent with his constant badgering about my not writing. I don’t know why he is so interested in my writing, but he nags at me to write everyday. Hopefully this will satisfy him, for now.
June 15, 549
Life has grown boring. Times like this make me wish there was some war to fight. My mother would argue that there is a war going on right now, a war for what remains of Camelot. I keep telling her it’s a lost cause, in fact we all do. My father tends to go along with her madness, I don’t why. He could be doing anything he wants and yet he still follows her around like a puppy. I guess it’s because their married, which is something I’ll never understand.
June 20, 549
Today, for once in a long time, I was actually missing home. Missing so much, my older “brother”, well he is really my cousin, but we were raised as brothers, and more importantly I miss Struana. I think we were in love, but I’m not sure. She was the most beautiful thing I ever laid eyes on, she made my life so much brighter, but I never had the courage to ask her to marry me, and now, even though she too is among the many of us who are cursed to live forever, I will never get the chance to. Never for an immortal is forever, and I do not know when, if ever, I will see her again. We came across a fork in the road of our lives, she chose to walk one path, I chose the other, and our paths may never intersect again. Too late is a problem everyone faces at least once in their life.
July 1, 459
Death, the one thing I can’t have, but the one thing I wish for the most. To escape Death, most this may seem to be a gift, but for those who truly can’t die, it is the worst curse of them all. It is often that mortals dream of immortality, but if they saw it from our view, they would see immortality as a nightmare. I would never wish such a cruel fate upon anyone, why anyone would want it is beyond me. Immortals are often the ones who would embrace Death’s sweet embrace.
July 5, 459
Today, The Black Nobles have officially become black nobles. With Will now knowing his father is the chief of the Red Fangs, and him being his father’s first born, he is now the rightful Next of the Red Fangs and his mate is the rightful Next of their rival, the White Moon tribe. Now that every wolf in each tribe knows this, Chief Mud has exiled the Black Nobles pack from his tribe. Of course, Day being Day, told Mud that he can not exile an entire pack, especially with many members of the pack being High Nobles from not only the White Moon tribe, but the Northern and the Infinity tribes as well. Mud being Mud, completely ignored this and told her to “take her pack of misfits and leave”, so Day and Will didn’t argue with him, they took their pack and left the Chief's territory, but being such proud wolves, they refuse to give up their land. I understand what Day is trying to do, she wants her brother to become Mud’s Next, then she and William will join the Red Fangs, making everything go back to normal, or at least that’s we all hope will happen.
July 7, 459
Right now, I should be trying to find my brother and sisters, not writing, but I really don’t feel like walking all night and day to look for them. So I’ve made camp for the night, well sort of. I’m up in a tree with my back up against the trunk, dagger in one hand, and pen in the other with this journal in my lap, ready in case anything comes. I’m half tempted to put everything into my pack and shift into a leopard, at least that way I could get higher up this tree. Don’t know if I’ll be able to make it through tomorrow night if I don’t have at least one of my siblings with me with me. Right now I’d go for Tanet or Colin, at least that way I would someone to use as a shield or bait, or trip them and run away as the beasts fight over whatever remains of either one of them. Man, right now I kinda wish I went with Cadan, then I’d be sitting next to a fire, or I’d be in a nice warm pub with lots of company. Oh well, it doesn’t matter now, just got to see what tomorrow brings.
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