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All mine! Ha ha!...eh?

Your's truly...Don Vito Corleone. View table of contents...

 

Submitted: May 12, 2008    Reads: 61    Comments: 3    Likes: 1   


The Keyhole

Moving as silently as a shadow, I stood on tiptoes and peered through the keyhole. I saw two big fat guards in front of the dungeon. I wish, I wish I could get out, but I knew I couldn't. It was too dark to think happy thoughts. I peeked through the keyhole again and saw the queen of beasts getting ready for the war in Winter.

I knew I shouldn't have listened to the queen. I knew she was going to take over the world. I should have told everyone about her. But she would of tracked me down and kill me! One of the cruel guards came up to me and gave me a chicken bone with still some ckicken on it.

Clang, Clang. I looked through the keyhole to see what had happened. Oh, I thought. My best friend was lieing on the glomly wet floor with his blood draining out of him!!! Oh on, how could this have happened, I thought. I looked down beside him. His sword was covered in black blood. The queen is dead too!!! They both were killed at the same time, both swords went into each body. The guards were so scared, they looked at me in a stange way. Then they had a small conservation. They walked up to me. I gulped and went up to them. I closed my eyes. I opened my eyes, and saw the two guards on there knees. I touched my head and found a big white crown with gems inplated! They gave me the crown!!! The crown of the Beasts! Now I'm the new ruler of the kingdom!!!

THE END!!!

 


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Comments:

The first part is good, but it would be better if there were no fantasy sword fights or "Queens of Beasts"
~Caelan

Posted: Jun 26, 2008

Author Comment:

As I said, it's my sister's story

or the war in winter

Posted: Jun 26, 2008

get rid of the queen, the swords, and the war in winter, and write it again. This time about escaping, not just being randomly crowned, because one of the guards probably would've made themselves king anyway.

Posted: Jun 26, 2008

Author Comment:

So True! But don't blame me! It's my little sister's story!



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