... Oh goody, I'm excited, there it is...that shadow... dark, still and yet... so...human-looking... I say I'm excited, but the truth is I'm terrified...as always when I see that darkness in the corner. That blackness that commands me to look at it eventhough I try my damndest to look away. I find myself holding my breath in an attempt to not let it hear me. Or in the hope that it hasn't seen me,
For a number of months I've been aware of that... anomoly in the corner of my room. At first, I just thought it was your average shadow playing tricks with my eyes, like trees blowing around in the breeze. Then I thought that it might be some pervert watching me from outside. My paranoia reached a point that I even considered ringing the police but felt a bit of an idiot saying a man-shaped shadow appears on my wall every night.
Gradually, I've realised night after night the shape has never changed, or moved, or even made a sound. So my way of thinking is, is it my imagination making me believe something is there. I've tried not looking in the corner on the pretence that if I don't notice it, it doesn't exist. In the daytime, I've been looking out of my window to see if I can figure out anything that could be casting THAT shadow...
But tonight...tonight feels different. The air seems to be filled with an urgency. Maybe it's my fear, or the fight or flight response. As I dare to glance into the corner I sense an energy emitting from deep within what appears to be an abyss. Again I hold my breath and try to calm my frazzled nerves. I want to scream at it to go away, what do you want? But my mouth won't move and I'm too afraid of what might happen if I do shout out.
The stillness of my room scares me just as much as what's in front of me, as I try to figure out what to do next. My heart is pounding so hard I'm sure it's going to explode. I'm worried incase that...thing can hear it and smell my fear. Adrenaline gushes round my body as my mind races with suggestions of my next move. What if it's an evil entity? I've always believed there's another world after this one. And now, maybe, I'm faced with the prospect of something from that side; I always thought I'd be quite calm and at peace...
I can feel the tension mounting I desperately want to make a run for the door, but what if it grabs me or knocks me down? Oh my god, help me out of this. I want to cry as the sheer horror of what might become my final night on this mortal coil flashes through my mind. I want to react, but I can't. Frustration is overwhelming me. I'm trying to remember where my mobile is...it's usually under my pillow but I can't remember bringing it upstairs tonight. If I could just speed dial someone's number maybe they'd get the hint that I'm in trouble when they're greeted by the stoney, ice-cold, dead silence that now surrounds me.
I swear I can hear it breathing...Is it human afterall. No way, it can't be. There would be some sort of giveaway. Surely. One part of me hopes it is, then I sort of know what to expect. The other half doesn't want it to be, for the precise reason of knowing what to expect! There it is again, as if it's going to say something, I can feel energy circulating us...
Then it confirms my suspicions and fears, out of the darkness booms a voice, '' I am the soultaker. I am your eternity.''
For some reason I look around my room thinking I will see something physical. My head spins from one side of the room to the other in a lame bid for answers. The air feels electric, full of life. My mouth takes on a life of its own as panic controls me. ''Please don't hurt me.'' I want to beg, but manage to compose myself a little in the hope it'll think I'm in control more than I actually am. I'm too frightened to look in that direction as it replies; '' I won't hurt you, that is not why I am here.''
I should feel relief, but what am I dealing with now? What did he say? This isn't happening. No, no, I refuse to accept this;it isn't real.
The air buzzes, ''You do not need to fear me.''
How can he say that. How dare he. He's frightening the life out of me and I don't know who or what he is. There is no way on this earth I can believe this is happening. I lift up my hands to cover my ears.
''My task is to search for the chosen mortal and watch them until I decide the time is right for them to cross over.'' The power of his voice echoes around my room.
My face screws up as I try to understand what it is saying to me. It's incredulous that it can even speak.
'' Erm.. are you a guardian angel or something?..''
''No not all, they live in the light world of purity. Mine is cold and dark; full of pleasures of the night.''
EH! Pleasures of the night, just what is he? More to the point what does he think I am! I'm slightly aggrieved at his deformation of my character.
''Excuse me, what are you insinuating?'' And, I'm not sure I like the sound of being in the cold and dark all the time. It sounds miserable."
He calmly answers, ''You misunderstand my meaning. The night in my world isn't the same as yours.''
I screw up my face, ''What do you mean? That doesn't make sense. Why are you here then? ''
''This world is not for you, your soul needs more than the light world can provide.''
''Does it, in what way?''
''You see life in a different way to those around you and question your mortality.''
Well he's got that right. ''But why me?''
''Because you are the one I want to spend an eternity with; you are loyal and honest-rare qualities in a mortal.''
This is true but have to ask again, ''Why me? And how do you know this about me?''
''You have to be a living and a willing soul to enable you to cross over into dark eternity.''
That makes me laugh out loud but it's very disconcerting that he knows these character traits. ''You're making assumptions here. I never said I was willing. And what do you mean about crossing over and eternity?''
''I know everything about you; when you've cried at night and prayed for someone to hear your silent screams, I am the one that has heard you. So many times I have wanted to take you when you have been sad.''
I'm staggered by his revelation and don't know if I feel sad or relieved that someone knows, or even cares. ''Really! you've been here all this time? I don't believe you, you're frightening me. Or is that your intention? What do you mean take me?''
''You don't want to live this way I can see it in your eyes. There is so much wrong in this life of yours.''
''Is my life really that bad? I thought I was handling it quite well-I'm not unhappy.''
''You are craving the darkness without realising it: when you sleep you dream of me and wake up afraid. You don't understand I am trying to tell you that you will be coming with me; giving you the eternal love you desire.''
This is un-nerving. I'm frantically trying to sift through memories of recurring nightmares to see if I can see the Soultaker...
''Are you the one that makes me cold in my dreams.. I'm surrounded by darkness...someone rescues me ...I can't see their face...but I can feel their touch..''
''I am the darkness and have protected you from the ghosts in your dreams.''
''Oh my god.. it's you!'' half screaming, half mumbling not really able to believe these images are actually materialising.
''My intention isn't to scare you. I stand here, beside you each day, watching the sunrise; wishing you were returning to the darkness with me.''
I mutter to myself 'how did I not know you were there?'
''You did, you were too afraid to admit it, because you didn't believe I was real.''
I'm still finding difficult to believe it's real! It begs the question though, Why tonight?
''The answer is simple, the time is now right. You will never be hurt again hiding yourself behind this wall of lies and the ridiculous masquerade of a life you have created. There is no need for you to suffer in silence anymore.''
A nervous giggle escapes while I shake my head. The same time I wonder how he knew what I was thinking..''Erm, I refuse to believe this happening, it's too insane.''
The voice in my head shouts questions, but I remain calm. Staring into the corner I try to focus to see if it has a face. Gradually, I see these spectacular, absolutely hypnotic eyes...intimidating even. I want to turn away; it's like my head is being held in place by unseen hands. His temperment starts to change.
''You will not walk away from me; I am the end to all your problems and will not live without you anymore. Let yourself be free, isn't that what you want? We will be together forever.''
That was definitely true, I've always done my own thing. Never followed the crowd. Never felt the need for a huge social circle. Anyway in my experience most so-called friends stab you in the back as soon as you're not looking. So I've been quite happy being self-reliant. I'm not lonely though, nor a loner.
He answers my thoughts, ''That is why you will come with me and be your true self. Break the chains of your mortality; fulfil your dreams. You are not one of them and do not belong here.''
Unlikely as it may seem he was making a lot of sense and I was very tempted now, but this is a ludicrous idea. This must be a very vivid dream.
''Look..Soultaker, or whatever your name is, as exciting as this is I do not want to run off into the night with a....thing...Just where EXACTLY are you from?''
''I am from the Kingdom of Eternal Darkness, which is where you belong.''
''Oh is that so, just like that I'm supposed to agree. I've never heard of it. Anyway for how long?''
He glares at me, ''For eternity, it is your destiny to be with me.''
''PAH, you can't be serious. How do you know about my destiny and things like that. Just what are you?'' This is getting absurd. I don't know whether to laugh, frown, or throw myself back under the warm duvet and try to get to sleep. This must be how sleep deprevation affects you. Heck, if it's a dream I want to see what happens next! Is it a dream within a dream? Quickly, let me get back to sleep. Lying back down, I cover myself up and close my eyes..maybe I won't hear him anymore confirming the fact he is a figment of my over-active imagination.
''What are you doing? We have to hurry.''
The urgency in his voice makes my eyes snap open. I don't know whether I'm scared or surprised to hear him and throw the duvet over in his direction. ''You've got to be joking,'' sleepiness showing through in my voice. I think I'm delusional.
''Do not worry you are not losing your mind.''
I sit up again, ''Thanks for the reassurance.''
How does he do that? Like he knows what I'm thinking...Now I am feeling a little more afraid of what is happening here.
''That's better, now you have a decision to make and it must be tonight, before sunrise.''
He's very persuasive but the only thought going through my head at the moment is spending an infinity with just one man (if that's what it is) is slightly scary. Even worse, what if I get bored! I've have never had a long- term relationship with an Earthly man, never mind one from god-knows-where. For some reason they just never seem to work out. Maybe I'm just too choosy. Or maybe it's just that I haven't found the right one.
''I'm afraid that I won't like your world, I know nothing about it, or you! You say it's my destiny so will I not be able to come back?''
Of course I can, how can he stop me? We can't actually be going to another world. But I'll play his game for a while. I can't believe that I am even contemplating this. I've had boyfriends say the same destiny yarn before. YAWN.
He tries the reassurance trick, ''You will have my protection and you will not want to come back.''
''Oh really. How can you be sure of that?''
''I give you my word.''
''And I'm supposed to trust you because you've given me your word!'' Maybe that was a touch sarcastic.
''My dear mortal it is all you need.''
''Mortal. Why did you call me mortal? You have a strange way with words, Mr. Soultaker.''
He sounds really self-assured, I like that in a man, it makes me feel safe and secure. Should I just throw caution to the wind and go for it! After all I am now unbearably intrigued and what's the worst that can happen!..If don't like it I can always come back (despite what he says-because this can't possibly be real). Or just wake up. And if it is one of those lucid dreams, can't you pick you're own ending?