... Oh goody, I'm excited, there it is...that shadow... dark, still and yet so human-looking...
For a number of months I've been aware of an... anomoly in the corner of my room. At first, I just thought it was your average shadow playing tricks with my eyes, like trees blowing around in the breeze. Then I thought that it might be some pervert watching me from outside, which obviously scared the crap out of me so much that I began thinking who I could ask to come and stay with me rather than be on my own (afterall, the safety in numbers theory is better when your assailent is singular). My paranoia reached a point that I even considered ringing the police but felt a bit of an idiot saying a man-shaped shadow appears on my wall every night. So I just left it and now feel quite 'used' to it being there.
Gradually, I've realised night after night the shape has never changed, or moved, or even made a sound. So my way of thinking is is it my imagination making me believe something is there. I've tried not looking in the corner on the pretence that if I don't notice it, it doesn't exist. In the daytime, I've been looking out of my window to see if I can figure out anything that could be casting THAT shadow...however, no satisfactory conclusion has arisen from my efforts.
Which brings me to tonight: I've reached a stage I'm feeling extremely brave, (or ill) and want to try to see if there's a remote possibility it can speak. I sense an energy from it and my complacency frightens me, but if it's intention was to hurt me surely it would've done so by now. However, how do you speak to something if you don't know whether or not it exists? I suppose you have to try don't you? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If nothing else at least I can laugh at myself!
How do I do this: do I hide under the duvet and shout-hoping it can hear me? Better still do I do the sensible thing by staying in my bed and pretend everything is normal? Nah, that's boring and I've always been up for a challenge...Hmmm, so I've made up my mind and now apprehension is creeping in...oh my god, my heart is going to explode. What if it's an evil entity? I've always believed there's another world after this one and have always been told never to meddle in it.
I never knew adrenaline could make you feel like this, but I am going to do this. Right then, here goes... take a deep breath...ahem...''Who are you?'' The duvet goes right up to my mouth to suppress the laughter I can feel bubbling inside. I'm not sure whether I feel embarrassed by myself or nervous incase it answers.
But, out of the darkness booms a voice, '' I am the soultaker. I am your eternity.''
Needless to say the smile on my face slowly slides away... I am soon silent...For some reason I look around my room thinking I will see something physical. I don't know if I should feel scared or excited that it's spoken. Or has it? I should ask something else, see if it answers again. If it does...oh cripes I'm scared but I'm going to ask anyway, ''W..w..what is a soultaker?''
''My task is to search for the chosen mortal and watch them until I decide the time is right for them to cross over.''
That comment is rather drastic, what doesn he mean about the time being right? And cross over where? I can't believe I am actually in conversation with this...shadow... soultaker. What do I say next? Oh gosh, should I be even encouraging this when I don't know what I'm dealing with? Thing is I've wanted to do this for so long, I don't really want to duck out now. One more question can't hurt...What do I say? I don't know if I can speak my mouth feels frozen... '' Erm.. are you a guardian angel or something?..''
''No not all, they live in the light world of purity. Mine is cold and dark; full of pleasures of the night.''
EH! Pleasures of the night, just what is he? More to the point what does he think I am! I'm slightly aggrieved at his deformation of my character. ''Excuse me, what are you insinuating I am? And, I'm not sure I like the sound of being in the cold and dark all the time. It sounds miserable."
He calmly answers, ''You misunderstand my meaning. The night in my world isn't the same as yours.''
I screw up my face, ''What do you mean? That doesn't make sense. Why are you here then? ''
''This world is not for you, your soul needs more than the light world can provide.''
''Does it, in what way?''
''You see life in a different way to those around you and question your mortality.''
Well he's got that right. ''But why me?''
''Because you are the one I want to spend an eternity with; you are loyal and honest-rare qualities in a mortal.''
This is true but have to ask again, ''Why me? And how do you know this about me?''
''You have to be a living and a willing soul to enable you to cross over into dark eternity.''
That makes me laugh out loud, ''You're making assumptions here. I never said I was willing. And what do you mean about crossing over and eternity?''
''I know everything about you; when you've cried at night and prayed for someone to hear your silent screams, I am the one that has heard you. So many times I have wanted to take you when you have been sad.''
I'm staggered by his revelation and don't know if I feel sad or relieved that someone knows, or even cares. ''Really! you've been here all this time? I don't believe you, you're frightening me. Or is that your intention? What do you mean take me?''
''You don't want to live this way I can see it in your eyes.There is so much wrong in this life of yours.''
''Is my life really that bad? I thought I was handling it quite well-I'm not unhappy.''
''You are craving the darkness without realising it: when you sleep you dream of me and wake up afraid. You don't understand I am trying to tell you that you will be coming with me; giving you the eternal love you desire.''
This is un-nerving. I'm frantically trying to sift through memories of recurring nightmares to see if I can see the Soultaker...
''Are you the one that makes me cold in my dreams.. I'm surrounded by darkness...someone rescues me ...I can't see their face...but I can feel their touch..''
''I am the darkness and have protected you from the ghosts in your dreams.''
''Oh my god.. it's you!'' half screaming, half mumbling not really able to believe these images are actually materialising.
''My intention isn't to scare you. I stand here, beside you each day, watching the sunrise; wishing you were returning to the darkness with me.''
I mutter to myself 'how did I not know you were there?'
''You did, you were too afraid to admit it, because you didn't believe I was real.''
I'm still finding difficult to believe it's real! It begs the question though, Why tonight?
''The answer is simple, the time is now right. You will never be hurt again hiding yourself behind this wall of lies and the ridiculous masquerade of a life you have created. There is no need for you to suffer in silence anymore.''
A nervous giggle escapes while I shake my head. The same time I wonder how he knew what I was thinking..''Erm, I refuse to believe this happening, it's too insane.''
The voice in my head shouts questions, but I remain calm. Staring into the corner I try to focus to see if it has a face. Gradually, I see these spectacular, absolutely hypnotic eyes...intimidating even. I want to turn away; it's like my head is being held in place by unseen hands. His temperment starts to change.
''You will not walk away from me; I am the end to all your problems and will not live without you anymore. Let yourself be free, isn't that what you want? We will be together forever.''
That was definitely true, I've always done my own thing. Never followed the crowd. Never felt the need for a huge social circle. Anyway in my experience most so-called friends stab you in the back as soon as you're not looking. So I've been quite happy being self-reliant. I'm not lonely though, nor a loner.
He answers my thoughts, ''That is why you will come with me and be your true self. Break the chains of your mortality; fulfil your dreams. You are not one of them and do not belong here.''
Unlikely as it may seem he was making a lot of sense and I was very tempted now, but this is a ludicrous idea. This must be a very vivid dream. ''Look..Soultaker, or whatever your name is, as exciting as this is I do not want to run off into the night with a....thing...Just where EXACTLY are you from?''
''I am from the Kingdom of Eternal Darkness, which is where you belong.''
''Oh is that so, just like that I'm supposed to agree. I've never heard of it. Anyway for how long?''
He glares at me, ''For eternity, it is your destiny to be with me.''
''PAH, you can't be serious. How do you know about my destiny and things like that. Just what are you?'' This is getting absurd. I don't know whether to laugh, frown, or throw myself back under the warm duvet and try to get to sleep. This must be how sleep deprevation affects you. Heck, if it's a dream I want to see what happens next! Is it a dream within a dream? Quickly, let me get back to sleep. Lying back down, I cover myself up and close my eyes..maybe I won't hear him anymore confirming the fact he is a figment of my over-active imagination.
''What are you doing? We have to hurry.''
The urgency in his voice makes my eyes snap open. I don't know whether I'm scared or surprised. I throw the duvet over in his direction. ''You've got to be joking,'' sleepiness showing through in my voice. I think I'm delusional.
''Do not worry you are not losing your mind.''
I sit up again, ''Thanks for the reassurance.'' How does he do that? Like he knows what I'm thinking...
''That's better, now you have a decision to make and it must be tonight, before sunrise.''
He's very persuasive but the only thought going through my head at the moment is spending an infinity with just one man (if that's what it is) is slightly scary. Even worse, what if I get bored! I've have never had a long- term relationship with an Earthly man, never mind one from god-knows-where. For some reason they just never seem to work out. Maybe I'm just too choosy.
''I'm afraid that I won't like your world, I know nothing about it, OR YOU!' You say it's my destiny so will I not be able to come back?'' Of course I can, how can he stop me? But I'll play his game for a while. I can't believe that I am even contemplating this. I've had boyfriends say the same destiny yarn before. YAWN.
He tries the reassurance trick, ''You will have my protection and you will not want to come back.''
''How can you be sure of that?''
''I give you my word.''
''And I'm supposed to trust you because you've given me your word!''
''My dear mortal it is all you need.''
''Mortal. Why did you call me mortal? You have a strange way with words, Mr. Soultaker.''
He sounds really self-assured, I like that in a man, it makes me feel safe and secure. Should I just throw caution to the wind and go for it! After all I am now unbearably intrigued and what's the worst that can happen!..If don't like it I can always come back (despite what he says-because this can't possibly be real). Or just wake up. And if it is one of those lucid dreams, can't you pick you're own ending?