
Random First Lines: SUMMER ROMANCEsummer romancenot meant to lastonly you on my mindyou were perfect to meuntil You broke my heart... : Other » Read
A goth girl turns into a vampire and is catapulted into a world of lust, pain,greed, and power. View table of contents...
Submitted: Sep 12, 2008 Reads: 183 Comments: 3 Likes: 2
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this iz reallt goode you should post more chapters
Posted: Sep 16, 2008
Hey Alliyah,
This book is awesome.In case you did not know this is Raveena. I am using my new booksie because I forgot the password. Anyway I love this story but you need to post some more more often it is like you never get on. But I get on everyday because I suspended for fighting Josh. But don't believe what everyone tells you. I'll tell you the real story. A.K.A. the truth. And yes my nose is fine.It is not broken and never has been. It has not even been fractured. But anyway check out my sailormoon fanfiction it is on my booksie page.
Your friend,
Raveena
Posted: Dec 2, 2008
Hey, this seems like a good start although your format is really hard to read and sometimes understand. I like the idea. There are very few details and it goes by SO fast...I want to get to know the character a little more. Cool names though. Love them. Anyway, I would look at some of your grammatical errors as well as spelling and all I can say is "slow down" when you type, you will learn alot as a writer and a reader if you slow down and reread a sentence after you write it. I would also like a little bit of background. Is there anyway that you could maybe write like a prologue her "normal" life. Something in her past. That would be great and supply your audience with knowledge of the character as well as the feeling of time.
Great start. I see potential in this story!
Posted: Dec 15, 2008
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Other writing by kayoen freer the darkside THE year of the back sun book 1:isero just me all alone More..
Love, Poetry, Death, Life, Poem, Romance, Pain, Fantasy, Sad, Hope, Sex, Hate, Horror, God, War, Hurt, Sadness, Loss, Dark, Humor, Fiction, Depression, Heart, Family, Friendship.