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Unfortunatly Our Omega

Novel By: Michael Lange

The Great Maker has decided who humanities last chance is... Jojo Hanskin, we are doomed. (in the style of Christopher Moore) View table of contents...


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Submitted:Apr 24, 2011    Reads: 55    Comments: 3    Likes: 0   

Unfortunately Our Omega

Jojo Hanskin was a community college drop out. Jojo was always in the mediocre grade average, never stepping out of his comfort level to take something artsy, or something that might force thought. He lived in the second floor of his parents garage and worked at the local grocery store, unloading merchandise, stocking shelves, collecting stray carts in the parking lot and cleaning up multi colored spills of many different substances. Jojo's life was on a track, not a good track, but not a bad track either, to put it simply if his life had a magazine cover it would be a black and white picture of that orange plastic car track boys intricately set up in their rooms when they are seven years old, give or take a few years. He was that piece of that track that parents end up stepping on. The one piece left over after all the others had been thrown out because the neon orange track was the first to go when boys grow up. He was easy to understand and if you stepped on him with your bare feet you would curse and call him trash because he shouldn't have been laying there with thumbtacks standing point end up on the floor in the first place. Jojo drove an old brown minivan to and from work, even though he could have biked or walked. He lived one block away from his job, three blocks away from his old high school and light-years away from the she/ he deity that had just picked Jojo out as the human races last chance.

"Spill on aisle seven." A voice snapped on the speakers in Saving Central interrupting the mind numbing top forties song that had been playing. Jojo got off of his knees leaving the boxes of yogurt on the floor to head into the supply closet to grab a mop, bucket, and broom. None of the other workers in the store moved to clean up whatever had been spilled. The cashiers all white knuckled onto their cash registers even though none of them had any costumers to check out. The girl at the bakery, along with the boy in deli meats and the boy that kept the lobsters entertained all decided now was a great time to do something that might make them get noticed for employee of the month. Jojo walked down aisle seven, passed the cheap discount toys and cardboard children's books. Without looking down at the spill of Holy Oats (with marshmallow crosses), Jojo swept up what closely resembled the face of an angel, that just happened to look like Ricky Martin. Jojo picked up the torn open box once all the little marshmallow crosses and their brown flakey counterparts where swept up. He brought the mess into the back of the store and disposed of it properly then returned to shelve yogurt. The enlightened feeling that was supposed to surge through Jojo's body did not occur so Jojo continued on with every day menial tasks that would continue to go unnoticed by anyone or anything other than the Great Maker.

While Jojo worked and lived spending months at a time doing the same thing over and over the Great Maker tried every trick in the book to make Jojo understand the value of the message that was popping up more and more in his surrounding world. The Great Maker used the oldest methods first. A speaking slithering snake got killed by an ally cat on its way into Jojo's life. A flood in Jojo's parent's front lawn was easily summed up as frozen pipes. A burning bush that quickly caught onto a close fireworks factory on Jojo's way to work was called arson by some unfortunate high school student that had picked a bad time to start making threats. Jojo's store manager even got mysteriously pregnant while keeping her virginity.

She had been closing the store up on a night that Jojo had been assigned to close. On her final walkthrough she paced up and down every aisle in the store, when Sally Resse, a single thirty three year old that hadn't been on a date since high school, was visited by a bright glowing light. Said bright glowing light grew white fluffy feathery wings and long strong muscular arms with a golden tan. It developed legs and a chest bare of any imperfection, as well as bare of any fabric. Sally's eyes would not blink as this well-endowed masculine figure levitated before her both like in scripture and not. Her belief in a Great Maker shot off the charts along with her sudden urge to copulate. Being just a light with no sense of right and wrong the masculine figure said nothing, but like other balls of light sent to earth by the Great Maker it knew it was there to effect the person before it. And so, they accomplished the task deep within Sally's mind.

Three weeks later in the morning before the store opened an announcement was made over the loud speaker.
"Saving Central is proud to announce that our store manager Sally Resse is pregnant, congratulations Sally." The speaker voice snapped back off. After watching Jojo miss out on every single sign the Great Maker knew there was only one way to go in order to reach Jojo Hanskin. The Great Maker was sending in death.


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