After all that partying and celebrating, I was freaking exhausted. Honestly, it was a lot less work for me than I anticipated, which was great because I still have no freaking clue what's going on in this world. Last night I found myself reaching for my nonexistent iPod. Which, by the way, I really, really, really want back. Pronto.
I had been awed by everything there, but I was mostly thinking about Eva the entire time, and how she had said in her tribe there were celebrations like this often, with everyone coming together to just be together. I wondered if it lasted for days like this one, or if there had to be a special purpose. I wondered if those who were there as rebel spies didn't have time to truly enjoy it, they just had to work work work all day long. I wondered, I wondered, I wondered.
I couldn't possibly fathom why I missed her so much. I knew her for such a short time, and for most of it we didn't talk at all. She should have been nothing to me. But she was definitely something. I feel like, even though I wished she hadn't died because she certainly didn't deserve to, but that her death opened my eyes. I didn't really understand how serious this all was. How much two words would change.
But Eva was killed for speaking two words. Only two words was enough for a death sentence.
This is when I realized that this truly is war. Not some glorified version on my old video games, where you only kill nameless, faceless men, and there is no purpose but to win, with nothing at stake, nothing on the line. Negotiations are not an option in those games, you just shoot at everyone. I hate myself for playing those games, because I can see now that they were such crap. War isn't a game.
War killed Eva.
The only question is, who do I kill for revenge?