I was in Math. Sitting next to Georgia. Being quiet for once. I couldn’t speak, my mind was so confused, to confused to say anything in case I said the wrong thing. I had told mum I hated her by accident when I was supposed to say I love you before going to bed. I was thinking of Ash.
I told Savannah she looked ugly in her faverout colour, white, when I meant to say she looked beautiful. I was thinking of Ash.
I told Jordan I wanted him, when I missed out the “to help me study science”. I was thinking of Ash. Dead.
I told Sharon she was going to have a stupid, ugly baby when I was meant to say she was going to have the best baby in the world. I was think of Ash
I told Joel he was dead to me when I meant to say he was amazingly good to me through everything. I was thinking of Ash.
I was upsetting everyone this week!!!
“Nikita,” Miss Linder said,” what’s the answer???” I looked at the board and couldn’t see sums at all. The only things my eyes were filled with was the mark covering my body. I felt the blood drain out of my face and heard people shout out “she’s gonna blow!!!” I ran out of class to the bathroom and wretched, nothing came up yet I felt sick.
I heard footsteps get nearer to the door and couldn’t believe my luck when Chloe Chalk walked in.
“I heard you’re still with Joel Robertson???” I stayed quiet as she intimidated me and questioned me. “Has he shagged you yet???” I stopped completely and looked at her, how would she know??? I certainly wasn’t going to tell her. “He has, hasn’t he??? It’s huuugee ain’t it???” he abusive voice asked.
“How would you know if it is or not, if he has or not???” she laughed and walked closer, leaning into my ear to whisper something only I couldn’t hear.
“You’re sick, just less than a week after your birthday, it’s kinda obvious that he took your V-card. But don’t worry, I lost mine to the two of them on the same day a year ago.” She meant…no, he wouldn’t, would he??? Why would I be annoyed anyway??? It’s not like I was pregnant, she doesn- “James is a two months old now.”
“You’re lying, he didn’t make you pregnant,” I jerked away from her and she laughed again. “You whore”
“The funny thing is, Jordan’s baby is inside my womb.” I slapped her face.
“Don’t you dare talk shit about my boyfriend and his brother you slutty bitch,” I hissed. She flew at me, making a grab for my hair before she was blown onto the door. I heard footsteps rush to the door and almost broke down there and then. Chloe just lay there, completely still ad barely breathing as Savannah whispered in my ear.
“Wanna get out of here???”
“ASH!!!” I shouted in my bedroom, Savannah had been helpful as too get mum and dad out the house so I could talk to him. “ASH I NEED YOU!!!” Like the night I almost killed him, his hands appeared on my waist and his lips on my neck.
“For what???” I wish Savannah had helped me but only Ash could, my Shiatra. The mark was now covering the whole of my back and up to my elbows, the stares I got was unbelievable and shocking from everyone, I tried not to get emotional. Which had been hard for the past week.
“I almost killed her Ash,” I whispered, turning to face him, tears clouding my vision, “I don’t want to kill anyone. Help me.” His lips went nearer and I shook my head, I was not in the mood for this.
“I can help you Nikita, I just need to see what’s in your head.”
“By kissing me???”
“Best way to get there.” I didn’t know if it was true but I didn’t have time. What if Lisa went for me when I was outside and she went off the bridge??? I couldn’t forgive myself. I let him kiss me, if it worked I would probably begin more training to balance my abilities instead of making them stronger, if not, Ash would never forgive himself for never seeing me again.
My head filled with pictures, of anything and everything. I closed my eyes and endured them, pictures of me lifting Ash with my mind, pictures of when Ash had saved us, times he saved me, the first time we met.
Then they changed direction, not going backwards, forwards. Like horrors. The time he scared Joel, him sitting frightened in the shower, the bitch in my bedroom, me at my party sitting with dying Joel. Me beside a cherry tree, me on a bridge ledge, me with Joel, him lying down with me at the end. Then I realised something.
He didn’t want to help me, he wasn’t here to help me do good. He was here to show me what I was capable of, capable of killing everyone that wasn’t like us.
Killing the human race.
I pushed him away from me threw him across the bed, then changed tactics. If I could kill him, which I would make sure I could. Then I would get rid of him, but then how would I be safe, he was the only thing saving me from the rest of them. Savannah couldn’t do anything, she liked Ash, but didn’t know what he was doing.
“What the hell?!?!?!”
“You’re killing them!!! You want rid of the human race!!! How could you, you, you, MONSTER!!!” he got to his feet and was at my side, letting me use my physical strength to punch him and kick him as much as I could before I broke down. “how many of me are there???” I whispered.
“You, you only. That’s why you’re so important to keep. But Nikita,” he started as I moved away, that’s why he was doing this??? Because I was the only Winatria left??? Because without me he couldn’t even try to succeed in his plan??? “I was your Shiatra since you were born, but I fell in love with you… I wasn’t meant to!!! But I did!!!, I love you Nikita, I want you,” he breathed, stopping for a short pause, “I want you to come back with me and be mine. Together!!!”
“I will never be yours you EVIL BASTARD!!!” I ran out of the house, ran into the woods, to the grassy hills, to the fields, I ran all through the roads, tearing through miles like a hungry lion tearing a gazelle. Before I knew it, I was in Aviemore, tired, hungry and on the verge of crying and being an emotional wreck.
I found a payphone, making my way quickly before some creep kidnapped me in the dark to phone anyone, just someone to take me home.
“Joel,” I said quietly into the phone, “I need you to help me home.”
A man walked over to the bench I was curled up on, a man with brown eyes and a checker shirt on, a man no one noticing turning into a young sixteen year old.
“Are you okay???” I shook my head and broke down, finally broke down, on his shoulder. “Savannah helped me, you never told me they could change appearances and make shift things into other thing.”
“I never knew, I whispered. There was a lot I didn’t know, a lot I didn’t understand. I could lose this, all of this, just because of some angry spirits wanted to commit genocide. I shifted so I was basically sitting on his lap and tried to control my tears.
“Come on, you must be starving. Let’s get some food in you.” He had to lift me bridal style to get me walking, taking me to the nearest motel. We paid with Joel’s cash (money his parents had given him, since it would be ages before we got home anyway); got to the scabby room and he dropped me onto the bed. The cleanest thing there. The walls were a grubby grey with holes in it and black from cigarettes on the ceiling, the table was an old wooden one with burned holes and chewing gum stuck to the bottom and the floor was a scuffed, stained dirty blue carpet.
I curled up on the manky white covers and clutched my stomach, I felt like I was going to be sick again but I felt like I was going to fall to pieces at the same time.
Gosh. I was a mess.
“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or just lay there and clutch your stomach???” Joel asked, standing beside me. What could I say??? He had gotten all the way out here just to pick me up and make sure I was okay, asked a simple question that I could not answer.
Luckily, my stomach saved me.
I ran to the toilet and let my stomach get rid of its contents, making me feel worse yet better at the same time. Joel came through and held my hair for me, rubbing my back and whispering in my ear.
“What’s wrong with you Nikita???” I couldn’t even answer that question, for two reasons, my mouth was being used to be sick and I just didn’t know.
As soon as I was finished I leaned against Joel, my head against his neck. “I’m sorry Joel, I’m sorry you had to see that.”
“It’s okay, I plan on saying that under the alter sometime.” I smiled, knowing exactly what he meant. “Through sickness and health.”
“I love you too Joel, I really do.” I felt his face pull up into a grin as he kissed the crown of my head.
“Want to get some sandwiches and leave them for you to nibble when you’re not sick???” I nodded and sighed as he lifted me again, putting me on the bed with a basin from the sink cupboard in case I was sick again before evacuating the room.
“What am I doing with my life???” I closed my eyes and shoved my hair in a bobble, ready in case I was sick. I cried silent tears, feeling sorry for myself when I should be sorry for Lisa, for Chloe, for Jordan, Georgia, Savannah, for everyone else.
“Nikita, listen to me, please ju-” I shook my head and clutched my stomach again, feeling something move unhappily. Ash saw it and slipped his hand onto my stomach before his face darkened and he stopped moving, stopped blinking, stopped breathing (even though he doesn’t need to breath), talking, just …stopped.
“Ash??? I felt his cheek and finally got him to look at me before he disappeared. Clutching my stomach, I emptied the last of whatever my gut could shove out into the basin. The tears on my cheeks finally dried just as Joel was coming through the door. He sat down beside me and pulled me into a hug, rubbing my back and breathing slowly and loudly. “Are you okay???”
“Yeah I’m fine, don’t worry about me.”
“Can I ask you something then???”
“Of course,” he looked at me as I sat up properly, taking a slow breath in case what I had been told was truthful.
“Have you lost your virginity before me???” I kept my mouth still and tried to keep my breathing steady.
“Why do you ask???”
“Answer the question, Joel.” He hesitated before nodded and looking all over my face of any signs of moods. “Who with???”
“Do I have to answer this one???” I nodded and he looked away from my eyes as he whispered her name. “Chloe.”
“Did anything happen???” he sighed and confirmed it, sending me into silent tears and a fit of rage.
“She got pregnant. Didn’t know she had started to develop eggs and got pregnant. Apparently had a baby boy.”
“Your baby boy???” He nodded and I climbed off, making my way to the door and wiping my mouth on my sleeve.
“For what??? The day I find out I probably can’t have children??? For the day Ash, who is a complete nut job, kills you??? I’m not waiting for that Joel!!! I wish you had told me that YOU WERE A FATHER before we did what we did!!!”
He stood up in my face and somehow kept his voice down. “Why do you care so much that I have a child??? Because you hate the girl who gave birth to him??? Because you weren’t the one to take away my virginity??? Because he’s not yours???”
“BECAUSE I MIGHT BE PREGNANT TOO!!!” I ran out the motel, not hearing anything behind me, wiping my eyes and wondering how the hell I was going to get home. I couldn’t stay here, I was miles away from home, from my bed, from my mother, the person I needed the most just now. To give me a row, here me shout through my tears, to hug me tight and wipe them away.
“Seems like I’m always saving you now a days,” a soft voice whispered in my ear, cold fingers wiping my tears away.
“Oh, Savannah, take me home, please,” I whispered.
“Go to sleep, you’re tired and frustrated.” I nodded and she hugged me, closing my eyes as the scene disappeared.
My phone was ringing beside my ear. Again. Every single time I woke up it was. And it was always the same person. The only voice my ears felt like ripping themselves apart to hear. The only eyes my eyes longed to see. The only person my head wanted to think about.
Joel :D <3
I switched my phone off and chucked it across the door, levitated in and moving it in my mind, not moving an inch. Savannah was through in my room, she didn’t sleep but she was through watching movies on my TV while I tried getting along with forty winks. She was also through in case I was sick. Again.
Mum had been easy enough to hug me and wipe my tears as soon as I walked through the door with Savannah.
“Nikita, are you okay???” I shook my head and gave a little cry as more tears poured out my eyes. And so I told her. I told my mother I might be pregnant. Ash hadn’t been to see me yet, so I didn’t know if he was in a bad mood or not. Bad thing was. I didn’t know if I cared or not. Savannah had moved beside me as unexpected tears bloomed out my eyes.
“Nikita, it’s going to be okay, I promise, just wait.”
“How can you say that??? I’m confused, angry, annoyed and I don’t even know how ti control it!!! He’s a fucking lunatic!!! Ash wants to kill the human race!!!” Savannah sat there, staring, not believing me. “Oh, that’s right, Ash want’s to kill everyone. That’s why I can kill people with a breath, that’s why I’m so fucking important. He needs me. As long as I’m here and no one is like me, he can kill fuck all!!!”
“You’re lying!!! Just because you might have a baby because you’re a stupid girl!!! No wonder you’re blonde!!! You ran because you found out the truth!!! Because Joel already has a little boy!!! Because your lover boy is a father!!!” She was standing now, her face red with anger, her hair floating.
“Just because Ash loves me and not you!!!” her hair stopped floating and her face went back to pale just as tears fluttered her eyelashes and spilled onto her cheeks. “Savannah I didn’t mean to, I’m so-”
“No, never mind. You’re right. He doesn’t love me, he loves you. Of course. Like every other girl. he’s suddenly in love, she dies, turns into a bitch like every other girl there and he gives up. Just as another turns up.” She wiped her cheeks and moved towards the window as she said her words of tears. “He stole someone from me. Ash killed the love of my life. Just to show me that I needed to grow up a little. I committed suicide to be with them and failed, getting Ash. Then I fell in love with the murderer. Ash. That’s more difficult than your problems.”