Good Luck With Life
Laying on my bed, still with my dress on, I thought about everything that had happened. My parents were snoring loudly in their bed and I was still crying. The crustal drop was in my hand, warming every second. Joel had phoned and asked what was happened and all I could say was "It's all over."
That's how it felt, with Savannah gone I felt like I was dying, my brain wouldn't work and Ash had to take me to my bed. My stuff was still at Georgia's and he told me to leave it. He had offered to stay with me but there was no point, I wouldn't say a word or move a bone. He had to make me a drink and carry me upstairs, making the cup float behind us. "Get some sleep," he had whispered in my ear, "It'll seem better in the morning. I promise." I didn't even blink. He left me alone with my thoughts after taking my shoes off and untying my hair, lifting the cover over me and kissing my forehead. "I promise."
My phone rang for the tenth time and I couldn't make myself move to answer it. The voicemail went and Joel's voice came on. "Nikita, I'm sorry, please speak to me. What happened tonight??? I saw Ash and Savannah restraining Georgia and- what Jordan??? Savannah-" it beeped and fresh tears streamed at the name. Savannah had said I had to be her rainbow, right now I was being a rain cloud.
"Why Savannah???" I could imagine her holding me and explaining her reason. But that was my imagination, not real life. Savannah was scattered in the sky, she could be in Japan and America, England and France, all at the same time. I kissed the crystal drop and whimpered a little. She said we would see each other again, but not until I died. "Why???" I almost screamed. My phone buzzed again but it was Georgia’s voice that went onto answering phone.
"Nikita, please speak to us, it'll make you feel better, please don't just lay there and do nothing. I'm coming over okay???" There was a pause and shuffling. "I know you're there." I just sighed and stayed still, not willing myself to move. Inside my head was an argument. One side was urging me to get up and live or go to sleep and wait but the other was telling me to wallow in my sorrow as long as I could.
"Nikita???" I kept my eyes closed as Georgia's hand touched my forehead, the only part that wasn't wet with crystal tears. "Nikita please speak." I never felt like speaking again, I felt like the end of my world was coming. "Ash helped me get here. He said you wouldn't do anything." you have to be my rainbow.
Georgia walked round the side of the bed and layer beside me on the bed. "You need to speak some time." I had tried in in second year, being mute, but a dirty sounding question to the science teacher put a stop to it. "Please say something Nikita."
"Savannah." she sighed and dropped something on the floor.
"I'm staying over to keep you company. Ash said you might need someone after the bad dreams." I let out a breath and she smiled. "Don’t you want to tall???"
"Are you only going to blink???"
"Fucks sake. Speak mother trucker!!!"
"Can we put on a movie???"
She sighed and got up to pick a film. She put on Avatar, one of my favourites. "There, nothings the same." I stayed dry eyes until try began to tear up the spiritual trees. "Okay okay!!!" she switched it off and made me stand up. "We'll go and watch Grimm."
We got downstairs slowly, I actually floated in the exact same pose and lay down on the sofa, pulling the cover over us. She set up Grimm and picked one that didn't include anything to do with the situation. Even though it was my favourite TV programme I couldn't enjoy it. At all.
"Nikita Middleton!!! Get up and talk!!!" Georgia hissed after the third hour of Grimm. I looked at her and sighed.
"What do you want me to say??? That I'm okay??? That everything’s okay??? Well it's no Georgia, my best friends dead my boyfriend shagged the school slut and I feel like I'm dying inside."
"My best friend died to!!!"
"If I get angry I kill people!!!"
"I couldn't heal my boyfriend and he almost died!!!"
"Well he didn't did he??? No!!! He's alive and breathing but Savannah isn't!!!" I felt hot spiels of crystals on my cheeks and Georgia hugged me, tears on her cheeks. "I can't even cry properly."
"I know, I know Nikita." I cried onto her shoulder as my phone rang again.
"Hey Nikita." the voice mail went. "I think you've lost him, let the professional have the best. By the way, Joel said hi." Chloe. How did she get my number???"
"What the hell???" Georgia whispered. I shrugged and went through the house to get a drink. Ash was sitting on the window sill when I walked in.
"Can I talk to you Nikita???" I looked at Georgia and she sighed but went upstairs. "Are you okay???"
"I've been better." I whispered, walking into his open arms. "I miss her Ash."
"So do I. But you can't sit here and let grief swallow you up." I shrugged and he pulled back, gipping my shoulder and looking at me dead on. "I know today and yesterday weren't on your side but don't let that get to you. Promise???"
"I can't promise that Ash, I promise are dried up roses ready to wilt."
"Well then revive them. As much as I hate to day it, Joel needs you and you need him. Don't let it go." I shook my head and he kissed my dry nose. "Get some sleep and talk to him in a few days okay???"
"Promise??? Good, remember that Georgia will tell me if you break your promise."
"Promises are nothing."
"I'll break your pinkie." I wiggled it and smiled a little.
"It'll fix itself." he chuckled and kissed my cheek before hugging me
and shoving me towards the living room door.
"Go and see to Georgia, she trying to hear through the floor boards."
I smiled some more and floated upstairs before running back. "What’s
"I made you a promise earlier." his face was confused before it turned
into an O.
"It's okay." He whispered as I took his hands.
"No, it's not, I made a promise and I'm not breaking it." he smiled at me and let me place my lips on his carefully, just a feathery touch. I held his cheek lightly in my hands, we weren't even moving, just sitting comfortably, him on the window sill and me on his knee.
"Nikita, go," I smiled at him and jumped of his knee, waving as he disappeared. Maybe he would soften up to the world, maybe something good will come of all this in the end.
"You are my rainbow," a familiar voice sang as I ran through the field of clovers, every single one four leafed. "You are my rainbow." I ran and ran through the endless field barefoot, a gold dress covered me to my knees and my purple drop was around my neck.
"Tearing the seam in this endless dream," it sang. There was a rainbow from each end of the field and I couldn't reach either. Once I finally saw the end I almost screamed with joy. Savannah sat on a small cauldron that was shining black but gold coins spilled out of it. Irish luck. I should have known considering there were four leaf
clovers all around me.
My hair flew behind me as I sprinted toward the pot of gold. Towards Savannah. She grinned as I got closer and beckoned me to her. I ran and ran and once I was about to hug her she turned into a skeleton and disintegrated. The rainbow turned to dark rain clouds and thunder and lightning and the pot of gold melted at my feet, turning into shapes of people. Joel, Georgia, Jordan, Lisa, Jack, Mark, Lauren, Scott, everyone I knew.
"You will never be one of us Nikita." They all hissed in unison, throwing wilting clovers at me, bits of broken mirrors, cutting me and grazing my bare arms and legs. I turned and fled from them all and bumped into Jay.
"Come with us Nikita, we'll welcome you." she held her hand out and when I was about to touch it Ash shouted to me.
"Come with me!!! You'll die if you go with them!!!" I turned to the group of people and saw them with fires on torches and shard of glass and broken bottles advancing slowly. I turned to the spirits and saw evil smiled and mischievous flits in their sapphire eyes. When I turned to Ash his arms were out, roses the colour of ash were in his hands. I ran to him and when I grabbed his hand he disappeared and held Jay. Lightening flashed across the sky and I screamed as they shared a kiss.
Savannah was gone, my friends and family turned their backs on me and the only people to take me in were back stabbing asswhole. If I went to them I would turn into one of them.
I was alone.
"Nikita, wake up!!! Wake up Nikita!!!" I opened my eyes to see my parents and Georgia. "Are you okay???" I nodded and my mother hugged me. "What were you dreaming of???"
What could I tell her??? I dreamt of my dead best friend, everyone including the turning on me and dead people wanting me to turn into a bitch and join them??? "Murder." kind of true. They were all trying to murder me.
"Wow, okay," Georgia looked at me and I looked at her quickly, looking at mum and knowing she got it. "Too much horror movies."
"I guess." they hugged me and walked out, leaving Georgia and I alone. "It was kinda murder." I said when she raised an eyebrow.
"What was it???" I told her and she hugged me tight. "I would never do that to you, you know that right???"
"I bloody hope not!!!" we laughed and I went to get showered and changed, ready to speak to Joel and move on, ready to keep my eyes dry when Savannah's mentioned. I put on my black strapless top, the one where the straps got ripped off so it would come off, a thick White belt and a tight black mini skirt and my black converse baseball boots. I let Georgia braid my hair loosely again and grabbed my brown leather jacket, ready to rock and roll.
"Ready???" I asked her, tying her hair in a high bobble. She nodded and I got my phone out, taking a deep breath.
We need to talk, meet me at the lido??? N
Sure, hope you're okay babe. Jxxxxxxx
Babe??? Since when did he start calling me babe??? We made a time and Georgia and I got the next bus in, ready for confrontation. Jordan was coming too and they were going to meet up with us, Georgia and Jordan were going to do Their stuff as we talked.
"Okay, please don't cry or anything today Nikie, you need to be above the game with this." Georgia said as she helped with my eyeliner.
"I won't cry, I just need to speak to him." she applied a little blusher and we left, getting our bags ready. Georgia was wearing black skinnies and a White shirt with a black belt and her matching Converse but with pink laces. Her 'special' Converse. With a little make-up on to hide my pain and no feeling like taking any shit, Joel better have a good explanation as to what he was doing last night. Especially
since his friend was dying and he wasn't there to see her.
We got on the bus and I couldn't find anything to say as we got out of the Bay and into long haven. I opened my mouth three times but came out speechless. Since when was I speechless???
"Nikita???" I looked at Georgia instead of out the window, smiling a little at her worried face and sighing. "Are you going to break up with him???"
"I warned him Georgia." I whispered, squeezing her hand. "I told him if he slept with her we were over."
"Okay, just don't be harsh on him." I closed my eyes, what did she mean by harsh??? Losing my temper and setting him on fire or arguing by hiss??? "Give him a chance."
"I don't know..." Could I??? We got off at the stop across from the lido road and walked down the hill, trying not to fall as we ran. Jordan welcomed us with a hug and Joel came over, smile on his face and arms open. I walked past and knew I was getting weird look but Joel was following. I had gotten the hang of keeping my eyes open but seeing two things, My eye sight and the eyes on the back of my head.
"You okay Babe???" He asked once we were sitting on the slide steps. The wooden steps were huge and spiralled up to the top of a two feet metal tube slide, the top of the tower and the inside of the slide completely covered in graffiti. The slid opened up half way through and had a tar mat at the bottom for you to fall and lose your valence on.
We sat on the second huge step, our feet of the ground. Before the first step where my feet just touched the ground was a rope with huge knots to climb up. Joel sat beside me and tried to take my hand but I shifted to sit on them. "Nikita, what's going on???"
"Like you don't know," I whispered. He hadn't been that drunk, not drunk enough to forget everything the next day.
"Why aren’t you talking to me??? Why did you walk away instead of hug me??? You normally nag for a hug." I closed my eyes and counted to ten slowly.
"Because Joel," I looked at him and took a breath, "You slept with her after I warned you. I though you actually cared."
"What??? Slept with who??? When??? Warned we of what???"
"Oh," he said, looking at the ground. "I slept with her???"
"Don't you remember???" He shook his head and I recapped what happened.
"Anything sound familiar???"
"Who's Jay??? Wait," Something struck him and his face paled, "Savannah died???" I nodded and felt my eyes water. No, I'm not allowed to cry, I promised Georgia. "What happened???"
"I just told you, you had a drink or two, I know you’re not a light weight, at the party last night, you and Chloe slept together after I told you if you did we were over, I-"
"He doesn't remember anything before a weeks ago Nikita. Not much anyway." I turned to ash but Joel could see him.
"Excuse me a moment, my phones ringing." I lied and jumped off the step, running down the hill and making sure Joel didn't follow. "What do you mean???" I hissed quietly, pretending to be on the phone.
"We wiped everyone’s memory from the party but yours, Jordan’s, and Georgia." he said, swiping a hand across his face. "Joel's was difficult to whip, he almost knocked out the sprit who did it. It still didn't while enough. He remembers titbits."
"So he remembers some but not all??? He doesn't remember Savannah dying or sleeping with Chloe???"
"Make him remember!!!"
"No." I slapped his arm and he chuckled. "Why??? You get to pretend that nothing happened."
"Not the point!!! He needs to know why I'm breaking up with him and why I won't laugh for the next week!!!" Ash's face turned to shock and I nodded.
"You’re breaking up with him??? I thought you loved him???”
"I do. I can't trust him anymore." He sighed and pressed my hand, smiling encouragingly at me.
"Good luck. He has something to tell you bit doesn't know how so be soft okay. Even though it's Joel." I nodded and wrapping my hand around my necklace. Be strong, I though, closing my eyes, you need to be strong. Ash disappeared and I walked back up the grassy hill, newly cur grass blades sticking to the bottom of my shoes.
"Everything okay???" I nodded after hesitating and jumped back in my spot. "Nikita, I need to tell you something."
"So do I." Be strong.
"Say it together???" I nodded and we said it loudly at the same time. Just different difficult things.
"You're breaking up with me???"
"You're moving to America to study???"
"You're breaking up with me???" I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. When I went to America with my family when I was nine I couldn't text or phone anyone because of the cost and we couldn’t get Internet.
"Why didn't you tell me???" He scoffed and I glared. "Don’t scoff at me Joel Robertson, why didn't you tell me???"
"I was going to, I didn't know how." He blinked a few times and looked at me.
"When are you leaving???"
"August." He whispered, keeping his eyes from seeing mine. "Why are you breaking up with me???"
"Because I can't trust you. I told you if you slept with her then we were over, you did it anyway."
"I remember now, you walked in on us and I was half naked and she basically was naked." I almost growled and turned my face towards the hill full of jumping grey rabbits. "Nikita, nothing happened."
"I don't believe you. And you know what worse???" he shook his head and tears welled in my eyes. "What’s worse is that-is that you left with her when your brother was dying, being saved and Savannah died!!!" I jumped off again and scrunched my eyes closed, desperate not to cry in front of him.
"What??? Jordan never told me-"
"Why should he need to?!?!?! You shouldn't have left with a whore like her, you should have come over to your girlfriend, your bother and your two friends!!!" I let the tears flow and couldn't stop them. "One of them died saving your brother!!!"
"Nikita..." He jumped off and tried to hug me, to wrap his arms around me and hold me while I cried purple crystals. I gripped the chained one and tried to breathe easily.
"No, I'm done Joel. With all this shit, with deaths, with my temper killing people, with being me," I took the necklace I had gotten that while after I had woken from my coma out my bag, the heart hanging delicately on it silver chain. I walked to him and pushed my hand at his chest, shoving the chain at him. "I'm done with us."
"Nikita!!!" He shouted as I walked off, wiping my cheeks before turning round.
"Tell me something Joel, tell me the truth." I glared at him and he nodded, waiting for me to continue. "Did you have sex with her???" His eyes dropping to the ground was enough. "Have a nice live Joel, have a nice life in America, have a nice life with your saved brother. Have a nice life with Chloe."
"Nikita, come on..."
"Because I'm not part of it anymore." I walked off towards the caravan site and disappeared where people couldn't see me.