Chapter 6: Confessions
“Well, as you know,” I started, feeling insecure about my past and what it had done to me, “I lived with only my mother.”
He listened intently, soaking in everything I was saying with the most caring look in his beautiful emerald eyes.
“My father left when I was six,” I said, looking down, feeling myself becoming overwhelmed with emotion. “My mother was all I had for the longest time, she took care of me, she was my only family, the only person who really meant anything in my mind.
“I was always the “shy” girl in school, everyone took advantage of me…including the boys at my school,” I said as I felt the tears start to burn in my eyes. Unsure how to continue, I waited a moment to find the right words.
“I was raped when I was 15 years old. I went to a party one night with my friends, decided to try some stuff, just for the fun of it, just for the moment. One of the guys took a liking to me, ‘taking care’ of me around all night, holding his hand around my shoulder most of the time, guiding me and taking me wherever he wanted. I was unsure of how I felt at the moment, how I felt about the way he was acting toward me. But I was just happy I was getting the attention. ‘He actually likes me,’ I thought to myself.
“Things took a turn for the worst. I drank too much, I couldn’t stand, wasn’t aware of my surroundings. He guided me to a dark room, pushing me down on what felt like a bed. He hopped onto of me, I giggled a little, unsure of what he was doing. He held my arms down and I tried to scream but he shoved his body against my face, muffling me. I was terrified, I could feel him taking my clothes off, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I felt the sharp pain of the loss of my virginity, and the loss of my childhood. I shouldn’t have trusted this guy. He took advantage of me in the worst possible way; something I’d never gain back.
“I woke up the next day in the same bed, my clothes spread out around me, an unknown liquid all over my body. I was disgusted, grossed out, and violated. I felt terrible, I quickly threw my clothes on and ran out the house, bursting in tears.
“I hated myself for a very long time. I blamed myself, I blamed my stupidity. I thought, ‘if only I wouldn’t have been so stupid, if only I wouldn’t have had so much to drink.’
“I told my mother the next day. I told my mother everything, everything I had done…everything he had done, what I had felt.
“She admitted me to a psychiatrist, worried that I would hurt myself, which is exactly what I did. I cut myself until there was nothing to cut anymore. All I could think was that I needed to be punished, I needed to pay for what I had done. Countless nights I would lie in the bathtub, curled up in a fetal position, crying until I couldn’t breathe.
“My mother ended up finding out. Not a surprise since most of my arm was mutilated. She cried, held me in her arms, told me nothing was my fault. I believed my mother. This wasn’t my fault, maybe I had drank a little too much, maybe I wasn’t in my right mind, but it was not that boy’s place to do to me what he had done.
“Although it was very hard, I began to try to accept myself, accept my flaws, and accept the things that had happened in the past. ‘The past is the past for a reason,’ I kept telling myself.
“But I always told myself I’d never fall in love. I would never leave myself that open for hurt as I had the night I’d been raped. I would keep a solid wall around myself and my inner emotions. I would never let them escape. I’d lie all I had to to make someone believe that I was truly ok,” I bit my lip, tasting blood as I looked at Dante, knowing that everything I had always believed went out the window when I’d met him. Something I’d never thought was possible, something I’d never thought I could feel. Love. The word burned in my mind. What about Dante was so special? Why should I love him? More importantly, how could I love him? I’ve only known him for a short period of time. And after everything I had just revealed to him, would he even love me anymore? That is, if he did in the first place.
“Victoria,” he said, whispering in my ear, “true love comes when least expected and when most needed.” He turned my head to look at him now, kissing me roughly. It was the first time we’d kissed, the first time I’d felt the cold hard texture of his lips pressing against mine. I felt the love he had for me pushing itself into my body, I felt the pure heat of compassion for the first time in my life. I wanted to pull away, yet I wanted to be closer. I hated the thoughts that ran through my head, half were telling me to leave, half were telling me to stay.
I was falling for this man. I felt myself slipping away into unconsciousness from the overwhelming feeling of pure emotion.
Dante pulled away now, leaving me breathless. “Are you ok?” he asked, laughing at me.
“I’m fine,” I said, shaking my head.
“I’m truly sorry for everything that has happened to you,” he said looking into my eyes, “I wish I could see you one night without you having a nightmare…,” his voice trailed away as he looked to the ground, sadness filling his eyes.
“Dante, it’s not your fault.”
“I know but I…” he stopped talking, as if he was wondering what he was going to say or how he would explain it. This was the first time I’d seen him act this way. He always knew what to say, always knew how to say it. This took me by surprise. Was there something he was hiding from me? I could feel the confusion on my face.
“Is there something you want to tell me?” I asked, pleading with my eyes.
“I don’t think now is the right time, I think I should wait to tell you until I know how you will react.”
I pulled away from him now, almost repulsed by what he might be hiding from me. Millions of thoughts ran through my head now, did he kill my mother? Did he know that those vampires would be rummaging through my home town, killing everyone and everything I’d ever known?
“O…kay,” I said, very slowly, giving him an odd look.
“Don’t worry, it’s nothing terribly bad but I just don’t think now is the right time to say it. I mean we are only learning about each other at the moment.”
I was a bit relieved. I believed Dante, even if he was lying through his teeth. He was a genuinely good guy and I would always believe that, no matter what my mind was telling me.
“I understand,” I told him, moving closer to him with a sigh. I still wanted to know, though. I hated not knowing things, especially when people bring something up. But oh well, I’ll have to wait for this one, he had his mind set.
“Lets get you to bed, you’ve had a long day.”
That night I slept terribly. Bringing up my past memories had tortured my mind.
I woke up sweating, close to tears. I opened my eyes, sighing in relief as I looked into the eyes of the man who loved me.
Dante looked very concerned, his forehead creased with worry. “Are you ok, love?”
“I’m fine, just another nightmare,” I said, use to them by now, although every time I woke up, it was the same, my eyes full of tears, sweating, gasping for air.
“Maybe if I told you what I’ve been keeping from you, it would ease your mind,” he said, staring into my eyes.
“I just don’t understand how I can still have nightmares and be sleeping next to you,” I said now, angry with my mind, angry with the reoccurring nightmares.
“Brace yourself, dear, I do not want to hurt you one bit, but you might be quite taken by what I have to say to you.”
“Go ahead, I’ve got nothing to lose.”
“Ok,” he starting, letting out air as he thought of a way to tell me this thing that was eating him up inside. “I’ve known you for a very, very long time, Victoria.
“As you know, I’ve been alive for a very long time, searching out my purpose, searching out the reason for my existence.”
“Yes,” I agreed, he had told me this story before.
“Well, I found you,” he looked away now, staring at the creases in the blanket covering us.
“Yes, but what do you mean you’ve known me for a long time? Didn’t you find me in the attic?” I asked, confused.
“Yes, well, I didn’t find you that night, I saved you that night. I had known about you all along.”
The sickness returned. I felt nauseous. He really has been stalking me, hasn’t he?