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The White One Is Evil

Novel By: WhatIsInAName
Fantasy


Haha where do I start.
Well I basically got the idea for this story from the Video
"The white one is evil" By Elliot Minor.

Elliot Minor is a 5 piece band from England who's music genre is like Rock/Classical.
They are really good. If you want to check them out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rpo7A5xUNmM that the video in question.

This is their myspace if you want to have a look.

www.myspace.com/elliotminor

Please check them out because they are totally under-rated.

Anyway... my main character Alexander is based around Alex Davies who is one of the main singers in Elliot minor. At the time I confess I had the biggggggggest crush on him. I wrote this before and after I met him after one of his gigs. He's gorgeous haha. So I thought I'd upload this and see what you guys thought. I'd been really proud of it and showed my friend it and he had not gave me a very positive review. He told me my characters were not very well developed and like my grammar etc was terrible lol. I was like oh well.
So yeah... please let me know what you think. I fell in love with my characters and I really thought this was a good story but I suppose one mans treasure is another mans trash. Anyway please give it a read and let me know what you think... Im going to upload all the chapters now. View table of contents...

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

Submitted: May 22, 2008    Reads: 28    Comments: 1    Likes: 1   


Chapter 2 - Alexander.


Alexander ran through the thicket and rested on the side of the bank, his chest heaving as he breathed.
He stared into the clear blue waters before throwing water onto his face. His appearance was handsome for a 17 year old boy. His hair was longer than most and rested just on his neck. On his chin and under his nose grew a small patch of dark stubble. His eyes were small, brown and relatively hidden beneath  thick eyebrows. However they did have a vulnerability to them and a secretive way of being attractive.

He felt his face become shadowed by some large object blocking the sun, the shadow got smaller as the creature producing it landed closely next to him. It was an owl.
“ You’re getting slow Luna.” Alexander smiled.
“ I’m still faster than you will be at my age.” Luna said slightly agitated stretching her large white wings.

She opened her beak and yawned.
“ Why did you wake me at such a time anyway. I told you only to use that whistle if you were in danger. I am not like you humans you know, this time of day I sleep.”

“ I know Luna but you’re the only friend I have here. Don’t you understand how difficult it is to be alone so long. When you wake up I’m only just going to sleep. I have no company Luna, its boring.”

“When I took on this job..”

“You didn’t think you’d have to become my friend, guardian and mother. I know. I know. Its just it would have been my mum’s birthday today, had she been alive.”

“ You must miss her.”

“ I do.” he sighed and rubbed his neck. “ but if she hadn’t died I never would have met you and you’ve always been there since I was a kid.”

“ Your mother was a good women. You would have made her very proud. Its hard to believe that in only a few months you will be a man. You will have to leave here and marry soon enough. This isn’t a place to spend your whole life.”

“ I don’t wish to leave.”

“ Really? Then where do you want to go?” Luna asked and pecked at her feathers.

“ Into there.” Alexander said as he pointed across the bank to a small silvery forest.
“ You know better than to go in there. You are just a child that is a dangerous place.”
“ Weren’t you only just saying I was soon to be man?” Alexander smirked.
“ There are things in that forest that your mother specifically wanted to keep you away from, and stop your smart comments. You are never too old for a pecking.”
“ There is nothing in there but forest.”
“ Your mother was a wise woman. I am going back to sleep. Call on me ONLY if In danger and Alexander, do not go into the forest. I know you will honour your mothers wishes.”

With that the brown and white owl glided into the air and into the shadows of the trees.


He thought deeply about just swimming the bank and entering the forest. He was unsure. He was an adventurous young man and could brave whatever faced him in that forest surely! Why would his mother guard him from it?

He tiptoed away from the bank and back to his little self made log house and drifted off to sleep.


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Comments:

'You are never too old for a pecking' I like Luna's 'lines' ! There are a few typos and punctuation errors (hope you plan on fixing those...Maybe not too soon ) but all in all , this chapter gave a general idea of what's going on ( esp. the first chapter) and this is a pretty goof fantasy story so far !

Posted: May 22, 2008

Author Comment:

haha thank you!
yeah I know :/
I was gonna go correct all them but to be honest Im pretty lazy xD.

I'll probably do that eventually.. thats my main downfall I think lol grammar xD.


Im glad you like :)

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