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St. Mikhail Academy For Dhamps and Vamps

Novel By: xAnGeL1Cx
Fantasy


Seventeen year old Rose, a dhampir who is currently studying at St. Mikhail Academy possesses the element of spirit. She is the second dhampir in the history of magical creatures to possess an element. Because this element is very rare, it attracts attention of both good and bad people. Soon, she finds strange things happening to her, such as having the ability to heal living things and use compulsion. Then, threats start coming as she starts receiving letters from an unknown person. Besides that, her hot dueling instructor has caught her eye, distracting her. Her best friend is hooking up with her boyfriend behind her back and she has no clue about it. Between all this drama, will she finally figure out who is writing all these letters to her? View table of contents...

Chapters:

1 2 3 4 5 6

Submitted: Oct 13, 2008    Reads: 310    Comments: 28    Likes: 7   


A/N Hey guys, I'm just trying out this new novel for fun. So I'm sorta not doing the rest for the mean time. Sorry! Hope you guys like this! ;) xoxo, Cher.

The Life and Soul of Rose - Chapter I

A big smirk crossed my features as I walked into the local pub. I could practically feel everyone's eyes shifting to me, both girl and guy. It wasn't really much of a big deal to me anymore. It used to be last time when I turned 12 and starting developing my looks, but it's all just normal now. I ignored their gazes and perched myself onto the nearest barstool.

"What's new?" I asked the bartender, my voice coming out with a touch of British accent.
The bartender looked stunned and muttered something incoherent.
"What?" I asked him, not hearing a word he said.

Instead of replying, he just handed me a tattered looking menu and walked off towards the far of the bar, pretending to wipe the glasses. I chuckled quietly to myself as I watched him depart. My eyes flicked back to the menu and I opened it, scanning through the names of the drinks available. Finally I placed the menu onto the counter and raised my hand to signal that I was ready to order.

Just as I did, a hand caught my hand and brought it down. "No worries love. I've ordered two single malt whiskies for both of us." said a male voice from behind me. I turned my head, and saw a guy around 25 years old, smiling down at me. He was average looking, messy brown hair, green eyes and probably slightly taller than I was.

"Thank you. But I don't really fancy single malt whisky," I told him.
A look of disappointment crossed his face, but then it was replaced by slight determination.
"I shall drink both of them then." He said, dismissing the topic. "What do you fancy then?" He asked, giving a cockish smile.
I sighed and the feeling of annoyance started rising. "Let's see... I fancy you sitting at the other far end of the room, away from me," I told him, emphasizing hard on the last three words.

His expression was a mixture of shock and embarrassment, that it made me want to laugh. I choked back the laughter and tried to keep my face straight. When I looked back at him, the expression in his eyes was replaced by hardness. It should've shocked a normal person, but this hardly bothered me. Just as his expression changed, the bartender placed two glasses containing single malt whisky onto the counter. He hurried away, sensing that trouble was brewing.

"Watch your tongue, young lady. It could get you into trouble one day," He said fiercely.
I tilted my head to one side and gave him an are-you-serious look. "I suggest that it should be the other way around, boy." I said, taunting him a little.
This I saw enraged him and he pulled me close to him harshly. "Now you've crossed that line, missy. I always get what I want," He said, angrily.

Before I could reply, his lips came down on me harshly and his tongue entered my mouth. His breath tasted and smelled strongly of alcohol and I recoiled at this. I pushed lightly at his chest, but he just pulled me closer and kissed even harder. It was then I had enough, and I lifted my right fist, and one swift movement, it connected with his cheek. He flew onto the counter, and all you could hear for about three seconds was the sound of glass breaking, people screaming, and a cracking sound which I'm sure was his jaw.

The whole pub turned to stare at me, and then everything when quiet. The only noise that was heard, was coming from that guy whom I had punched. I shrugged and took a sip on the whisky on the counter. It was free after all, so why waste it even though I didn't really like it?

"You little b*tch! How dare you punch me?!" The guy shouted, enraged.

I had to admit to myself that I had got him good. His jaw was slightly bloody and he was clutching his cheek carefully and I knew it must've hurt. I could tell it from his face anyway.

Instead of replying him, I reached for the glass of whisky again, but then his hand came flying out of nowhere and knocked it away. The glass hit the wall with a crash and liquid sprayed everywhere. And just well enough, some landed on my face. Rage bubbled in me now as I wiped the liquid off my face. I turned to him and smiled like how someone would smile when he was amused and was about to kill someone. That was how I felt right now, like ripping his head off.

"Didn't your mother ever tell you to play nice with girls?" I asked sweetly, smiling dangerously.
"Do not play around with me! I will get you for that punch!" He said, lunging towards me.

I stepped towards the right twice. The blow that was meant for me connected with another guy, who happened to be crossing by. And it turned out to be none other than the bartender. I suppressed a giggle and started to move away. Well enough, the guy caught my arm and spun me around harshly. Since I hadn't been prepared for that, his fist connected with my face. For a guy, he certainly can't punch. I thought to myself. Instead of crying out in pain, I heard myself laughing. The guy, clearly surprised, took a few steps back, huffing with anger.

"Is that all you got?" I shouted at him, grinning widely now.


He lunged again, and I stepped aside like I did before. Lucky for him, he didn't punch anyone else. Before he got up, I walked towards him and punched him again, just for good measure. He fell back onto the floor, clutching his face in pain. I knew he wouldn't be able to retaliate this time, so I squatted beside him

"This is what happen when you mess with me. I suggest that you rethink your pick-up lines and perhaps go and see a therapist for your mental health," I whispered into his ear, then stood up and walked away. I stopped after a few steps and turned back. "Definitely need to see a doctor for your face though. Good luck." I said and headed for the exit.

When I reached the entrance/exit, there were a bunch of police cars outside. I sighed and walked up to them, knowing what they were there for.

"Looking for me?" I asked a middle-aged policeman.

The man turned and I could feel gaze all over me. Ugh, I thought to myself. "Are you the lady that beat up a guy?" He asked me, his tone hard.

"You're looking at her." I said, smiling
"Found her!" He yelled and a swarm of them was all over me in seconds.

My hands were restrained behind my back, and I was getting yelled at by who seemed to be the chief. He asked me a few questions, then escorted me into the police car, and we drove away into the darkness of the night.

Oh, just so you all know, my name is Rosalie Marianne Vasilisa and I am 17 years old. I'm famous for being impulsive and getting into fights with random strangers. My parents are dead, and I'm the only child. I'm a dhampir, which translates to half vampire, half human. I go to St. Mikhail Academy, a special school for dhampirs and vampires.


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Comments:

I was never good at writing novels...
This is awesome, great piece of writing =] I will be looking out for more!

Posted: Oct 13, 2008

Author Comment:

lol, don't worry. I kinda suck at it too :) but hey, at least you can write poems! I can't do that, haha. Thanks for commenting and I'm glad you liked it!

I think that the by the way thing would fit better put differently. Thanks for writing and I hope you like my poems. Also maybe change up some of the dialog. Have her sassier. Also paragraph five has a few mistakes. Like 'it then' should be 'them then'. _the nickster_

Posted: Oct 14, 2008

Author Comment:

I'll try and change the 'by the way' thing and sorry for the mistakes! My grammar I admit, is rather terrible, lol. I loved one of your poem, you know the one titled Last Embrace? Yeah, I could relate to that poem and it was written well (: Anyway, thanks for commenting! I really appreciate it.

Nice read, I like the characterisation, for me the characters stand out and there is good scene description.

Keep writing...I think everyone wants to know what happens next...

Posted: Oct 16, 2008

Author Comment:

Aw, thank you for liking the characters! :) I hope so, lol. Thanks for commenting [:

wow, feisty one, isn't she? nice!

Posted: Oct 19, 2008

Author Comment:

lol, yep! :) thanks for reading!

hahah, i like this.
it really closely resembles "vampire academy", by melissa (?) something.
but it's gooddd.
tk.

Posted: Oct 22, 2008

Author Comment:

lol, thanks :) Yeah, it sorta does. I got my inspiration from there. Sort of anyway :] I'm glad you like it

lol, asome, i luv it

Posted: Oct 23, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you!

lol, asome, i luv it

Posted: Oct 23, 2008

Author Comment:

thanx! :]

I love it. I'ts the first VA fiction i've read, but the writing is unique. that's good.- solenbum

Posted: Oct 23, 2008

Author Comment:

:] Glad you liked it! Thanks for reading!

Well, from the perspective of an ancient grannie, this is a very energetic chapter!!! The story is engaging, as is your heroine. In spite of her propensity to lash out, she sounds like fun. I was tempted to give suggestions on how to tighten it up etc, but this is not a workshop site (like thenextbigwriter) so I forced my red pen into submission; I could hear it crying from the bottom of my desk drawer LOL
Will continue reading!
Cad

Posted: Oct 23, 2008

Author Comment:

wow, thanks! I'm glad you liked it! oh and if you want to give suggestions, feel free too. I opened up to both comments and constructive criticisms. aha, don't worry, you'll be able to use it in chapter 5 xP

this story rox! i like when she punched that guy and stuff!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted: Oct 25, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks! I'm glad you liked it! haha, serves him right for being so annoying. :]

hi! cher. i like the socking rosa gives to this guy. i wouldn't call the cops for that but give her a hug and a thums up. for being a dhampir, she needs to be cheered all round. she has the spirit. liked it so far. lol. ;-)

Posted: Oct 27, 2008

Author Comment:

totally! I loved the punching part the best too! lol, glad you liked it.

Okay,Cher. I've taken you at your word and whipped out my red pen for the occasion!

Ch 1: Suggestions of possible edits: 'My eyes flicked back to the menu[,] scanning through the names ...'

Finally I placed [it on] the counter and [started to signal] ...'

'Just as I did, [someone grabbed]my hand ...'

Slight determination: no such thing! Either determination or not, no half measures :)

cockish/cocky

'His expression was [such] a mixture of shock and embarraqsssment it made me want to laugh [but] I tried to keep [a straight face.]' Deleted a couple of words here and changed a couple around.

You need to be careful not to have the same word more than once in a sentence or paragraph. (hard/hardness)
Keep "that" to a minimum!

Next bit is confusing. The bartender or herself?

'His breath tasted and smelled strongly of alcohol[.] I recoiled [and] pushed at his chest, but he just pulled me closer ...'

'The only noise was coming from [the] guy who I had punched.' Sugg delete "that" here.

'[He roared,] enraged.'

" ... he was clutching his cheek[.] I could tell from his [expression [that it hurt.]' Deletions here.

'Instead of replying, I reached for the glass again ...'

'Rage bubbled in me as I wiped the liquid off my face[,] turned to him and smiled. I felt like ripping his head off.' Del "now" IMO unnec.Deleted some words, IMO smoother. "ripping his head off" describes the smile very well on its own.

This story has lots of promise (as I said before)Your dialogue is strong and there is only a bit of tightening up to lick it into shape. Please remember that anything I suggest is only that. Only you can decide if you want to use my suggestions for tightening/streamlining and I'm not infallible, believe me!
Cad









Posted: Oct 29, 2008

Really good start to an interesting story so far keep it up

Posted: Oct 31, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you StarScentedMoon! Glad you liked it :)

wow this is awsome! i definitley want to read the rest! i like the half-vampire idea and how she beat up the creepy guy was cool.

Posted: Nov 3, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks Jamey007! I got my inspiration from this book titled 'Vampire Academy'. You should check it out if you like my story coz the book is wayyy better than my novel (:

ooo I like it nice vampire academy fanfic well on to the next chapter

Posted: Nov 3, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks NikiFM! I'm glad you liked it :]

This is awesome! Haha Rosalies really funny
I think I'm gonna keep reading :D -->

Posted: Nov 4, 2008

Author Comment:

yeah, she's pretty cool :] glad you're enjoying it ;)

I really liked it. I loved how you just added all the information about her at the end. it made it so much more enjoyable!! :D

Posted: Nov 4, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks! (:

I love it I love it Love it! lol

Posted: Nov 8, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks! ;)

Rosalie's a trip, isn't she? lol I like her though. She really stands out. I love this! On to chapter 2. =) Great job.

Posted: Nov 15, 2008

Author Comment:

haha, she is sort of ;) glad you like it!

I enjoyed it well done your a very good writer.
Jo xx

Posted: Nov 17, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks! :]

ooooooooooooooo did u read Vampire Academy, FrostBite, and Shadow Kiss? I LOV ur story, its REALLYgood :)

Posted: Nov 30, 2008

Author Comment:

ah gah! you've READ SHADOW KISS? me want!!! ^^ lol, thank you! :) p.s. When did Shadow Kiss come out? how much did you buy it for? ah, I'm getting all hyper now... ;)

It came out November 12th at books a million for 8 dollars and made me cry *sniff, sniff* It was realy good tho

Posted: Nov 30, 2008

Author Comment:

EIGHT DOLLARS?? whoa! that is cheap compared to what i'll get it for over here. lol. was it the last book?

No AND i got it the day it came out, there are gonna b two more books one n 2009 (like in june i think) and one in 2010 (n january i think)

Posted: Nov 30, 2008

Author Comment:

oh okay. wowww.... june, six months away. haha :) thanks for telling me all this! I really appreciate it ^^

You may be young, and for someone who thinks that her writing is just okay, then the new definition of okay must be super fantastically awesome.Great!!! I LUV it!!!

Posted: Dec 2, 2008

Author Comment:

aw, really? thanks for the sweet comment EternalVampyre! :)

Very nice. I love the heroine's firey temper. Keep it up.

Posted: Dec 3, 2008

Author Comment:

lol, yeah. She's one hot tempered girl. :)

WOW!
Your protagonist is awesom! *hi-5's her!*
and FIINALLY! someone who actually calls a half human, half vampire by a Dhmampir!
lol
Great start onto next chappies....

Posted: Dec 4, 2008

Author Comment:

:) Thank you for the comment! hope you like the next ones! ;)

Very unique! There are a lot of vampire novels out there now, and most of them are the some old thing, but this isn't.

Posted: Dec 12, 2008

Author Comment:

thanks! (:

I've noticed lots of people on here pass out complements like Halloween candy. *sigh* Not me though...GREAT JOB! You really have a sense for writing and a way with keeping the readers interest. The only advise I could possibly offer is the same advise offered to my by a good friend, and unbiasedly favorite author, "EDIT edit EdIt" If people think for a second that you spent more than a moments thought on your art. Then you have done your job properly. I look forward to more of your work and more of this story. Feel free to cruise my work and fire off any questions you may have.

Drew

Posted: Dec 13, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you for you comment. And I don't mean to be rude to others, but I agree with you about the compliments thing. Thanks for the advise too :)



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