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Hidden Secrets In Our World

Novel By: XxXxSamanthaxXxX
Fantasy


Tags: vampire, love, hot, guys

(i cant think of a good title so this is gona have to do if u can think of one tell me lol)
Jesse is a 17 year old girl who is thrown into a world of immortals and she falls for lord Haydien but along the way a new student comes to Mr. Heathrow’s house (castle) and makes trouble for them what will happen only I know lol
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Chapters:

1 2 4 5 7 8 9 11 12 14 15 16 17 18 19 21 22 23 24 25

Submitted: Sep 15, 2008    Reads: 131    Comments: 7    Likes: 1   


Jason's POV

“Guys I have her I am able to control her perfectly” Jason said to his evil co hoards

“Should we take her out now while no one sees us coming” Demetry said

“Demetry while you were ....fighting her ...I noticed that lord Haydien was getting very upset” Gabe said

“Ya we are going to have to deal with him to if he ...has feelings for this human” Evan said

“Calm down guys we will get her when no one is expecting it we will take her blood...the blood that will allow us to control the dark magic we have accumulated over the years” Jason announced

I wonder how far I can push poor Haydien till he snaps Jason wondered to himself.

Jesses POV

I decide to go for a swim since I had nothing better to do. I put on my black bikini and walked out to the pool, I spotted ...Haydien at the other edge of the pool with his back towards me, I stepped into the pool which was FREEZING

“Haydien I....”

Jason just then came into the pool he smiled I slightly smiled back, Jason walked up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist again something was not right I wanted to pull away but instead I did the opposite, Jason turned me around and kissed me nothing special but it was enough for Haydien to get out of the pool I watched him walk into the change room and was about to turn back to Jason when there was the sound of shattering glass and then along line of profanities some in which I never heard or they were in a different language. I shoved away from Jason and climbed out of the pool and headed into the guys change room the first thing I saw was all the glass from the mirrors, Haydien was leaning against the wall just fuming

“Haydien”

“what” he snapped at me his voice cut through me like razors

“are you okay”

“never better”

“what’s wrong Haydien”

“nothing.................how could you just screw the next guy who came around”

I was instantly furious

“ YOU left ME that night after saying I was a WASTE OF YOUR TIME .... And I didn’t screw Jason” I practically screamed at him

“I don’t believe you Jesse he was re playing it in his head”

“but I didn’t"

I was searching for something that would say I was telling him the truth I blurted out the first thing that came to mind

“I'm still a virgin”

Haydien looked up at me his face was expressionless I dropped my face from his gaze I was crying tears ran down my cheeks. Haydien came closer to me and was about to lift my head up but stopped ...

“you smell like ...”

Jason came in before Haydien could finish

“ I hope I'm not interrupting anything in here”

“no ...I was just leaving” I said

I looked back at Haydien he was glaring at Jason who had a smirk on his face. I left without saying good bye to either of them and went to find Lilly.

Haydien’s POV

I glared at Jason I was seeing everything that happened between him and Jesse.....but Jesse said she did nothing with him ....I don’t trust him....Jesse left I stood there just glaring at Jason, Jason came up to my side

“you better watch your self Lord..... She’s mine now...touch her and she dies...your not the only one who has a stronger ability then you lead on... I don’t want you to talk to her again you hear do and she will suffer... you better go somewhere Lord because the next time I see you it wont be just made up images in my head about her it will be the real thing ... I wonder how long she could last”

I was holding back not to rip him to shreds I hated him I wanted him dead but he was going to kill Jesse make her suffer I had to leave I had to at least do that. Jason left out the door I stood there thinking on what I should do. I walk into my room grab the key to an old cottage I found a couple hundred years ago I grab some cloths and I left only telling Heathrow

“Heathrow I'm sorry but I cant stay here I thought I could but I cant tell Jesse I'm sorry”

I walked out into the snow and disappeared before anyone could stop me

“Haydien get your ass back here” I heard Lilly yell after me but my mind was already made I was leaving.


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Comments:

Hmm...okay...you want some critique? Good and bad? Okay, sometimes it gets VERY confusing to read this. All of the sentences are all jumbled together. For dialouge, when a new person speak, you have to indent, that way it's a lot easier to read. And a lot of the dialouge sentences don't end with any punctuation. Was that horrible bad? Anyways, other than those few things, it's turning out pretty good. :}

Posted: Sep 15, 2008

Author Comment:

lol you sound like my teacher lol no it was not bad ...i keep forgettin ...i just write lol next chapter will be better i promise lol

i love it and it is much less confusing now:] update soon plez

Posted: Sep 15, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you ya it is A LOT less confusing .... i am typing up another chapter right at this moment

So now I'm a teacher? *sniff sniff* It better be the teacher that hands out candy and crap :P I don't want Haydien to leave!!! He's my favoritist!! Even though that's not even a word! Aww...he should stay and get Jesse out of this stupid freakin mess!!! GRR!!

Posted: Sep 15, 2008

Author Comment:

dont worry the next chapter is GOLD lol ...ur the teacher that lets her class out and gives the candy o and no homework and u let them do what they want lol lol
if i was haydien i would have killed him then he could have not hurt jesse

DARN those cliff hangers! lol well update as soon as you can! please and thank you!

+Hecate+

Posted: Sep 15, 2008

Author Comment:

HEHEHEHE i am updatin right now

That was gd!

Posted: Sep 16, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you i am glad you liked it

okay, cool. this is WAY easier to read. i'm glad you fixed it:)

One more thing though...there's almost no punctuation. You also use a lot of ellipses, which can get confusing. Instead of having ten dots, say something like: He paused, or, She hesitated.

k. hope that helps some. :)

Great job, though! :D

Posted: Sep 16, 2008

Author Comment:

kk thank you i will try to keep that in mind ...i never can get things right lol anyhoo im glad it is easier to read ..i even think so lol ......punctuation i know this lol . , ! ? ; ' " lol lol kk anyhoo thanks and i willl update soon ...i hope

that was really good but can you only keep it to Jesse'z point of view because it's so much easier and better ...pleeeaaaassseeee....

Posted: Nov 3, 2008

Author Comment:

:)



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