I knew exactly what he was about to do.
"No! Leave me alone! Leave me alone," I said, trying to break away from his grip.
"I wish I could make the pain go away, Candy," Ricky said stroking my cheek with his free hand. He looked at if he was some place else, not noticing my stuggles. "I don't regret what I did though. I would be lying if I said if I had the chance to go back i would change what I did. I'm not proud but I'm not ashamed."
"Let me go! What is wrong with you I don't want you, I'm over you! Why won't you stay out of my head?" I cried, and used my fists to pound on his chest as hard as I could.
He let go of my chin and grabbed both of my arms in mid air and held them there for a while. I didn't struggle anymore but I was still crying freely. We looked into each other's eyes seeming to have a silent conversation.
"I don't think I can ever forgive you," I finally said. My voice cracked. "It's easier to hate than to love."
"You don't have to like me anymore. You don't have to ever forgive me. But I really like you and I'm not giving up. I won't ever stop until I have you again," he promised.
"It'll never happen, Ricky. It'll never happen," I said, and felt my heart throb when I said his name. It hurt a lot less. Maybe this was some kind of sick closure that I needed.
"Yes it will. That I swear to you. I swear to you that you will be mine once more. That you will never find another boy that will be able to make you as happy as I have. And if you do, then I'll kill him. I'll kill them all until that's left for you is me."
"Why do you care so much? You've made it clear that I'm just a snack for you. At least that's the way you've been acting."
"You know why," he replied.
"No, I really don't think I do," I pressed. "I want to make sure that what I'm thinking is completely right. That you're a sick, psychotic, manipulative bastard that plays with people's emotions and ruins the person they should be for fun. That you are incapable of whatever you are supposedly feeling," I made air quotes around the word feeling and added extra sarcasm. I stopped crying as a sudden courage arose in me to express myself and boy did it feel good!
His grip on my arm tightened. "See what I'm saying. Whenever I speak my mind or try to even get a word out that you don't agree with, all you do is hurt me and you get some kind of sick satisfaction from it. You don't enjoy just hurting people, you enjoy hurting me and point it in my face when I don't do what you want. So you know what, screw you bitch," I said all in a rush. I took a deep breath after all that and felt a huge weight, lifted off of my chest. I hadn't really noticed his face until now.
"Don't you dare ever talk to me like that again. Listen here and listen closely. I am not your equal, I am better than you. Be grateful that I chose you, that I even talk to you. You should be kissing my feet for letting you live. I try so hard to be nice to you and you throw it back in my face like you're too good for me," he said, moving swiftly behind me and twisting my arm behind my back. He kicked the exit door closed. "Are you better than me? Are you too good for me?" he asked me.
When I didn't respond instantaneously, Ricky twisted my arm some more and I cried out in pain. "Shut up. Anyone that walks through that door I will suck dry, while I make you watch. Then I will show you pain. Well are you too good for me, Candace Virtue Jacobs? You better fucking answer and fast, before I rip off your arm and feed it to the dogs."
I wanted so bad to stay strong and stick to my cause; to not give into him and let him win. But I knew he would win. He always wins in the end. I might as well keep an arm.
"No I'm not, you are way too good for me," I whispered.
"I'm sorry I couldn't hear you. What was that?" he whispered in my ear. I knew damn well he heard and he was mocking me. But he released a little pressure off my arm, and I could actually start to feel it again.
"You are better than me. I should be grateful that you even like me at all and let me live," I said louder, trying heard to sound sincere. I was basically repeating everything he just said.
"Much better. Means that you can actually learn," he told me. "For answer that question you keep your arm. Answer a few more correctly and maybe you'll get to keep your arm in perfect, working condition. Next question, do you like nice Ricky or mean Ricky?"
'Well that's a really stupid question,' I was about to say but bit my tongue.
"I like nice Ricky better," I said.
"You know if you want people to be nice to you, you have to be nice to them back right? I like your sarcasm but sometimes it goes too far and strikes a nerve and mean Ricky has to come out. You don't want that do you? You promise to be nice right?"
"No I don't. I promise I'll be nice," I said, and he released my arm.
He walked, in normal speed, and we stood face to face. Then he grabbed my left arm, and pulled up my sleeve revealing my wrist. Then he took my right hand and examined my finger nails. My long, dirty, bloodstained finger nails.
"You're going to stop that, or I'll cut you myself ok?" he warned. I nodded and blushed a little. He raised my wrist to his lips and licked the cuts on my wrist. I gasped at the burning and watched as my cuts stopped bleeding and started to heal right before my eyes. "Not too deep so those will disappear in a couple of minutes. How's your neck?"
"It's um good, and flawless," I told him. I heard the bell ring, signaling free period was over. I wasn't sure if I should mention it to him. He still seemed upset.
As if he read my mind, he started talking again. "I know you're still dealing with everything that happened between us and I've decided to give you space. Not a lot of space though, I'll still be watching you. I'll be worse than Edward Cullen. Goodbye Candy," he said, and he picked up his jacket that fell to the floor during our struggles. Well me struggling, him proving he was extremely strong.
I walked slowly towards the exit when suddenly Ricky turned me over, pushed onto the door, and kissed me passionately. I couldn't help but kiss him back. My arms flew around his neck and I felt his hands tangling in my hair and on my waist. Then he pulled back.
"Love you," he said, and he was gone while I was talking.
"This doesn't change anything," I replied to the air.