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"EverDust"

Poem By: RaisinGirl
Fantasy


take a short trip with your mind...."but don't be too long"... View table of contents...

 

Submitted: Dec 3, 2008    Reads: 45    Comments: 4    Likes: 2   


Everdust, please don't be too long...

Pass me the sugar, and shift the shapes...

I envy the lingering grains in hand...

In the end, we must harvest the grapes...

***

Don't be long, Everdust, always do stay...

Crease the fabric in the perfect design...

Hollowed-out soul denied by pain...

Sands form together to paint a thick line...

***

Everdust, cast, upon the surface...

Comedown, from the cloud you hail from...

Binding sifters and sanders all around...

Bending the breaking, and breathing one lung...

***

New dawn arises, and Everdust lives...

Dungeon Master is courting Chess Queen...

Stealing crystalline-iris of complex eye...

 Lemmings Spawn, from a Broken Spleen...

***

Everdust, if you do leave your turpentine...

Brass to fade, and be dimming the lights...

So to reconcile with coloured prizm, and...

Everdust takes flight with star-glowing nights...

~~~

-This is to be used as an idea for a short story later on...


2

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Comments:

This is really good. I think it would make a great opening to a classic fairy tale.

I especially like the lines:
"Bending the breaking, and breathing one lung..."
&
"Stealing crystalline-iris of complex eye..."

And this one made me giggle
"Lemmings Spawn, from a Broken Spleen..."

Posted: Dec 4, 2008

Author Comment:

really???...well, thanx for all the feedback...I want to either incorporate this into a novel I've been working on...or start a Fantasy type short story, and see where it takes me...I don't want it to be a "classic fairy tale" though...I really want to play around with science-fiction and lots of psychedelia in this as well...oh, and yeah, guess that line may sound silly...but just wait for it;D thanx for reading *meg*

This would be perfect for the beginning of a story. Everdust seems like the tiny cornerstone of smoething very important. =)

Posted: Dec 4, 2008

Author Comment:

hmmmm....this comment gets me thinking...thank you...that's an awesome perception ;)

I agree with my previous commentators, however, My favorite line is "Dungeon master courting Chess queen" just because it is awesome. lol


other than that this is a very sophisticated if somewhat incomprehensible poem, i like the flow and the way you weave your words. so kudos mademoiselle

Posted: Dec 10, 2008

Author Comment:

why, thank you, kind sir ;D.......

everdust......like a story about foever. very well written, beautifully metaphorical.

Posted: Dec 19, 2008

Author Comment:

I'm glad u describe it as "forever"...thanx...glad u liked it ;D



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Other writing by RaisinGirl "The Dark Queen" "An Ode to Rain" "The Dark Room" FreedomFighters "Threads" More..



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