One day I saw a man.
He had bright orange hair with blue streaks in it and green highlights, and his eyes were a most unusual yellow with blue and green specks in them.
He had a bulbous nose, and a giant zit on his forehead.
But the most unusual thing about him was that he had a miniature thunder cloud with lighting bolts shooting out of it floating above his head.
He scared the living daylights out of me but then I took a courage pill.
I walked up to the unusual man asked him, “What the heck is up with your hair?”
He stared at me for a moment before replying, “I dunno. I like it.”
“Is it natural?” I asked staring at the unusual combination of colors.
The man smiled then said, “Yup.”
I stared at him again then said, “Is the thundercloud natural too?”
He grinned and replied, “Uh huh.”
He looked at me for a moment longer then said, “I can lightning bolts green.”
“Okey dokey.” I said lamely.
“You really want me to turn lightning bolts green?” He asked incredulously.
I nodded and said, “You betcha.”
“Uh, ok.” He said, and obliged.
A green lightning bolt slammed into the ground not three feet from me.
“Cool.” I said, then, “What else can you do with the lighting bolts?”
He thought for a moment before saying, “Not really.”
He thought for a moment longer then said, “Well I can do that, but you don’t wanna see that.”
“You bet your buttons I do!” I cried.
“You don’t even know what it is!” He said indignantly.
I stamped my foot and cried, “I wanna see it anyways!”
He sighed very, very loudly then he snapped his fingers and we vanished in a flash of green light.
“Oh my God!” I screamed.
We appeared on a ship deck with men hurrying about; one had a wooden leg and another had a hat with a skull and crossbones on it.
When I saw a parrot I screamed, “Don’t eat me!”
The man with interesting hair turned to look at me and said, “Pirates. You wanted me to show you my trick, and I did.”
I nodded weakly and asked, “Are they gonna eat me.”
He sighed and said “Probably not. But if you keep asking that then you might give them ideas!”
One of the pirates leered at me and said, “Hi.”
“Shiver me timbers, what’s up?” I asked.
The pirate looked at me, and said, “We’ve had a few glimpses of the kraken today.”
He then continued, “I hope we have a fight with that there kraken. I’d love to be the one to send it to Davy Jones locker.”
I gulped nervously and said, “Um, I hope it doesn’t eat me!”
The man with the interesting hair said, “My young friend here has a great fear of being eaten.”, he gave a glare then continued, “I assure you we will be most happy to fight the kraken on your side.”
A tentacle rose out of the sea and lashed the ship causing me to cry, “We most certainly will not be happy to fight it!”
The man with the interesting hair yelled at the kraken, “I didn’t mean right now!”
The kraken gave an apologetic look before raising one of it’s tentacles and tapping it’s water proof watch with one of it’s other tentacles.
“Man the guns!”, yelled the pirate, who appeared to be the captain. “We’ll have this here kraken screaming for it’s masters deliverance!”
I screamed in terror, “It has a wristwatch!” before diving into a barrel.
I heard the shooting the canons and the man with the interesting hair yelling, “It just wants to say hi!”
I poked my head out of the barrel long enough to say, “It doesn‘t want to eat me, does it?”
“Keep those there cannons shooting!” I heard the captain yell. “We’ll have this here kraken dead within the hour.”
“No!” Cried the man with the interesting hair. “Don’t hurt him! He’s a nice kraken!”
I heard the captain snort and the man with the interesting hair shout, “I speak Krakenolish! Let me talk to him for you!”
The captain snorted again and said, “Fine, you landlubber. You can speak to him.”
“Thank you.” Said the man with the interesting hair. “I’ll do that.”
I peeked out of the barrel again, took one look at the krakens googly eyes, and just barely managed not to dive back into the barrel.
I saw the man with the interesting hair walk over to the kraken and say, “If you do not get off this ship I’ll fry you into a cinder with my newly green lightning bolts.”
The kraken sniffed pitifully before descending into the waves from whence it came.
“Victory! We shall forever be known as the ship that scared away the kraken of the great deeps!” The captain cried triumphantly.
“Well your welcome.” The man with the interesting hair said with irritation.
“Hooray! Hooray! We have scared away the kraken, that there cowardly sea squid!” Cried the crew.
I stared at the crew and blankly, “Well at least it didn’t eat me.”
The man with the interesting hair rolled his eyes and said, “Haven’t I told you to stop worrying about thing eating you?”
I frowned at him and said, “And why do I have to listen to you?”
Before the man with the interesting hair could retort the captain came swaggering up and said, “Do you here landlubbers want to join this here crew?”
“No thank you, I just want to go home.” I said, staring pointedly at the man with the interesting hair.
The man with the interesting hair looked blandly at me and said, “I would be delighted to join your crew, but I should probably return this young man to his native country.”
I nodded enthusiastically and said, “Yes!”
So with a flash of green light and a crackle of thunder the man with the interesting hair sent me home.
(Copyright (©) 2007. All rights reserved)
One day I saw a man.