Butterscotch The Friendly Horse - 02/02/05
6:04am dream by David W
I really don't know too much about horses, but this one was
a kicker.. I saw him just wandering around outside and
thought I'd call animal control, but he was VERY friendly.
He came running up to me really fast and thought I was going
to get run down, then he lowered his head, and tapped the
ground with his left hoof a few times.
I went over, and petted him, and nearly got knocked down by
him putting his whole head in my lap so I could pet him
I started talking to him at once.
"Look, ahhm .. I'm not really a horse-person, I like cats
more, my G/F LOVES horses though in a big way.
Do you have a name ?"
He looked like a big brown horse with cheddar-flakes in him so
I immediately thought of all the Cheeses that Wallace & Gromit
had in their "cheesy adventures."
"Ahhm, Cheddar ?"
At first I didn't think the horse heard me, but then he
shawferred, that that was not it.
Well, ahhm. I laughed and tried to mimic Wallace from TV,
The horse picked up his head, I was still crouched down and
shook his head proper, sorta like laughing.
"Yah well sorry. I was just joking, you look like you've got
cheese in your mane. The horse had these beautiful soulful
eyes, and I knew then that this was one very gentle horse.
"Well, maybe sweet cheese ?"
(Ahhm, what's sweeter than cheese ?)
The horse opened his mouth and I immediately thought of
Mr. Ed, but no, this horse could not talk, but it certainly did
act like he WANTED to, kind of a click of the mouth and a lot
of air came out with the mouth moving but no real words.
"Look, I don't know .. I need to go .. you're a horse running
around loose .. I bet some ranch person is looking for you,
cause surely you're not - a - (I paused on the last word).
Then the horse ran me down, well, sort of, very friendly-like
I found his head in my lap again and he twitched it sort of
like a cat that he wanted to be pet again.
"A pet ? Really ? Wow, ahhm .. I've never heard of this,
well your OWNER will be looking for you."
(The horse shawferred again - "no owner ?" I thought ?)
"I gotta dash, I'm off to school."
I got on my bicycle and started to head out.
The horse FOLLOWED me until I gave him a very serious look like
he might get hit by a car so PLEASE don't follow me.
(In this dream I was going to Middle School) and I think I
was like 16 years old.
(In the dream, there was no memory of the school per se except
that I saw the HORSE outside the window of EVERY class I was
Finally class was over and I was riding my bicycle to a computer
place. In this dream, Compushop still existed and Apple ][+
computer was the thing, although I KNEW my G/F really likes
horses which has been recently.
Once I was away from traffic the horse followed me on my
bicycle, but it was incredible, he got just right beside me
and matched my bicycle-pedal speed completely until I entered
a busy road to the computer store.
(In this dream I don't remember what I was doing at Compushop
except that the HORSE was right outside the window again).
Finally I left and started for home.
I didn't see the horse at all then.
When I woke up the next day (still in the dream)
I "dreamed" I saw him just outside my home window and I
I went to school again but did not see him, and attributed it
to the fact that someone must have called him in.
I was at school again, but no sign of the horse.
Then I saw the horse but it was strange, something was not
right. He had someone's ice cooler handle in his mouth
sloshing water all over the place and running at top speed.
He didn't stop to acknowledge me, but halfway home he was
running full tilt and grabbed a bucket from someone's yard
that had water in it and started carrying it full tilt.
Then I got home (Somehow I had my own house at the age of
16) and I saw a LOT of stuff.
Many many tree branches in the front yard, buckets, ice coolers,
and full and damaged plastic jugs of water in them,
many different colored nuts & berries from several bushes I
did not know of, a rake, a shovel, and MANY more tree branches
and odd little rough rectangles where the horse apparently
had dragged his feet over to make an impression in the ground.
No flowers though, (but in my head I thought that would make
the scene complete).
I parked my bicycle, sat down and said, "What the !?"
Then I saw the horse again, he had brambles in his pretty
mane and his tongue hanging out, he was REALLY tired, but he
saw me and ran off again.
I went inside and pondered all of this.
I HAD to call animal control, my yard had TONS of stuff in it,
and it wouldn't be there if that horse wasn't there.
But then I paused. This is ONE sentient horse !
I mean how many horses do you know that respond THIS WELL to
human thoughts and speech ?
Well, I did live alone and although I like cats infinitely more,
I thought it would be amusing to keep the horse just for a few
days and ask Dad what was going on.
Well, then I heard this awful ripping sound and looked out my
back window to see this Crab-Apple tree being rooted up from
the ground by the horse. I think he was just trying to get a
branch but not very bright, he was uprooting the whole tree.
I went outside to help him.
"Hey, ahhm, this is a TREE, it really needs to sit here.
You're seriously gonna lose a tooth if you try to carry that,
I don't know of any horse that can lift trees."
(The horse shawferred again)
"Yah well more power to you, uhhm ?"
(Then I helped him carry it to - you guessed it, the front
Well the yard was terrible looking, but then I tried to think
like a horse. The only appendage I had to manipulate things
was my mouth, I had hooves which could step on things, a tail
to whisk things, I could shake my head NO or bob it up and
down for YES and that's really about it.
If =I= were going to make a home, how would I do it ?
Well I'd have WATER cause it was the peak of Summer.
I'd have munchies, berries and nuts I guess.
Intellectual pursuits ? Me ?
"This is your - HOME ?," I asked.
The horse bobbed his head UP and down to agree.
"No. Look, you can't, ahhm, the yard looks awful. I really
DO need to call animal control."
I said this from my front door and the horse came running up
again, this time he tripped over some branches but kept going.
I thought I was going to get plowed into again but then he
stopped right at the door, lowered his front hooves, head low
and eyes high so I could see him.
The horse didn't speak, but I knew the language well enough.
"Please." the horse seemed to say.
"Well, maybe I can keep you for a few days, until I can
reach Dad cause this is a Dad-Decision kinna thing. I still
don't know what to call you." (Sweet sugary I thought).
WOW, what a reaction !
The horse immediately got up, knocked me over so I was inside
the house and Butterscotch was ALSO in the house with me,
both front hooves over my shoulders and the loudest Whinny you
ever heard, not that tinny stuff from the old B&W westerns.
(I started quietly)
"O K A Y, ahhm, Butterscotch. First rule of house etiquette."
(I yelled really loud now!)
NO HORSES IN THE HOUSE !"
Butterscotch shook his head in query once but went back outside
the house to face me again.
Damn this was ONE smart horse.
Well, a few days passed by and it did seem like Butterscotch
was ever-arranging his "house" in my front yard.
He lined up all the branches with berries on one side,
put the rake and shovel up against a tree each on opposite
sides, the nuts were stripped from the trees and although most
of them were broken, they were put in a pile next to the berry
The water was just all tossed together in a clump. A large
dog's drinking water bowl was there with an inch of water
and there was a crushed plastic drinker nearby, the water
from it I suspected.
The little rough rectangles weren't there now, but I DID notice
that all of the stuff was organized in the place where they
The crab-apple-tree must've been a mistake, there were a few
crab-apples with a bite out of them but not finished and that
tree was placed over my driveway, away from Butterscotch's home.
One day the rake was down near the driveway, not leaned against
the tree as it had been.
I can't imagine that Butterscotch raked the leaves but I was
willing to believe anything at this point.
Then someone came knocking on my front door, I thought SURELY it
would be an irate neighbor or maybe animal control coming to take
No, it was this shifty gentleman with a terribly dusty
cowboy hat and a rope tied around his left hand.
"Hey there, ahhm .. that's my horse you have there.
I'll just be taking it back to the farm and leaving you."
"No. I said, how do you know he's yours ?"
"Look, ahhm .. it's mine, I just know it, okay ?
"What's his name ?"
"Name ? Name of the horse ?" he said,
"Do you name horses ?
I really don't know I haven't named it yet."
"No sir. Tell me about your farm, how do you know your own
"I brand them Einstein, every ranch-handle does." (he snarled)
"What does the brand look like ?" I asked.
(he thought for a minute)
"Well it's a an upside-down U with a minus through the middle."
"How long have you had Butterscotch ?"
"Several years now, it jumped stall and left.
It was my favorite horse, can I please have it back ?"
"Let's go check something." (we left the house to find
Butterscotch lapping at the water) - for some reason I brought
a Coca Cola bottle with me and poured that in his water as a
"What are we doing here ?" he flustered.
"I said it's my horse and that's final."
"Where do you keep the mark you brand on your horses ?"
(Well that certainly caught him off guard).
"Well uhh - the flank of course."
(I looked on both flanks)
"No brand. Did you brand him ?"
(he worried his chin) "Well it's hard to remember, I'm not
sure if I got around to branding it yet."
"And he's your favorite horse." (I looked suspicious at him)
"Well, let me look." he said.
He peered under the horse for a minute and said
"There it is, I branded him on his belly.
I recognize my brand, there's your evidence.
Now do I get my horse back or am I going to have to file some
papers on this ?"
"His belly ?" I asked unbelieving.
"WHY on his belly."
"Well uhh - he kicked when I got near his flank so when it was
asleep I branded it's belly."
"His belly." I stated still not believing.
"Yeah that's it." he agreed.
"Your favorite horse kicked when you got near so you waited
until he was asleep and branded him on the belly ?"
"Yeah what's your point."
I don't know much about anatomy but I'd say if you branded ANY
animal on the belly while they are asleep they'd kick the
stuffing out of you.
"Yeah well he's a deep sleeper."
(I looked under Butterscotch) "where is the brand ?"
(He wavered his hand for a bit and then pointed resolutely)
"Right there, you can't see it cause it's on his belly."
I wasn't going to let this go:
"So how can YOU see it ?" I asked.
(At which point BUTTERSCOTCH immediately rolled onto his back
and gave a digusted fruffle. Clear to see, NO brand.
"Where !?" I asked again.
(He was in shock the horse turned over to show me he was lying)
"Uhh, right there .." he pointed absently.
"That's his coat," I said flatly. "No brand."
"Look, I'm going to get some papers written up to show that this
horse is mine, I'll be back."
"You're going to get papers written up to show an unmarked and
unidentified horse is your property ?"
"How long is that going to take you ?" I asked.
"Not too long, trust me, I'll see you in court." he said evilly.
"Are you going to get this printed from your computer ?"
"Yeah. I've got a computer."
"Well I DO know that you CANNOT have anything legally done
unless it was printed by the government, NOT your computer.
You could write ANYTHING up, cause you don't have ANY other
evidence that Butterscotch is your horse."
I continued. "No identification, I'll bet you didn't take any
pictures, no birth record, no transfer records, not a shred of
evidence except on your say so."
He hung his head in exasperation.
"Look, I'll take a picture of this horse NOW if that'll
I shook my head, "God, your evidence is as threadbase as a
witch's broom. This is a Dad-Decision kinna thing, I'll ask
(he wasn't so snarly now) "Well, uhh, where is he ?"
(I could see that he was going to feed his argument to Dad,
and Dad, being more level-headed and not so suspicious,
might sctually agree with him).
"He's really bright, I see him tomorrow," I pointed and
Dad was there. (??) "Oh, hi Dad !"
"Hi. Did you need me for something ?"
I started into it, "yah this fellow -"
The dusty-cowboy hat fellow interrupted me.
I paused, continued:" McGee - says Butterscotch is his horse.
He has no evidence, no photos, no identification, nothing to
prove that Butterscotch is his horse."
Dad looked seriously at me, "Now look, this probably IS his
horse, you don't want to get in trouble with the law.
My best advice is to give him back his horse so he doesn't
get you in trouble with the police for stealing him."
I yerked my head, "Dad !? What kind of answer is that ?
I SAID he's got NO ID at all to claim him.
Dad looked at McGee shrewdly, "None ? no photos, ID,
McGee looked evenly at Dad, "I hadn't gotten around to it."
I said, "He said he's had Butterscotch for YEARS now."
McGee: "I've had lots of horses for years, what's your point ?"
Dad: "Are they branded."
McGee: "Yes, they are ALL branded."
Dad: "Even this one ?"
McGee: ".. I hadn't gotten around to it yet, but I will today."
Me: "Dad, he SAID that this is his favorite horse and that he
has had Butterscotch for YEARS now."
Dad (serious): "That is odd, your favorite horse, you've branded
all the others, this one is your favorite, you never put a
mark on him, for years now ?"
Me: "He said he can't REMEMBER if he marked him."
McGee (irritated): "Lissen up, I'm talking with your Pop
okay, you keep outta this."
Dad: "DO NOT talk that way to my son."
McGee (wringing hands), "Look I'm sorry, 'kay ?
I'm just - well I'm just so worried about -"
(and he tried to look like he cared and spoke almost
affectionately looking at the horse) "Muffin."
I flung my hands out, "MUFFIN ? That's what you named this
beautiful horse ? MUFFIN ?"
McGee: "I told you I haven't named him yet." (he blurred his
hands for a second), "Well I named him now didn't I ?"
Dad: "While my son certainly can't keep the horse, you really
don't have much to back you on this, McGee."
McGee: (evilly) "Then I guess I'll get papers written up to
state so and see your son in court."
Dad (serious): "While my son may not know legal proceedings
about this, I SAY you are lying, there are NO legal stipulations
papers, presentations, certifications, or ANY degree of
authenticity legally claiming this horse is yours if you have
no outstanding evidence."
Dad (lowering his head and raising his eyes at McGee)
"Now I say you are either a bad liar or someone who knows zero
about legalities and the government, at which point =I= will be
MORE than happy to sue you for wrongful prosecution."
(he didn't say anything, I asked for Dad to come over and I
showed him that Butterscotch if anything is unually bright
pointing to the water, the berries, nuts, and branches).
McGee: "This is out of my hands, but you have REALLY let me
down mister, while I can't prove this horse is mine, also,
you can't prove he's yours unless you get the papers for that.
Dad: "What an excellent suggestion, we'll go do that now."
(looking at me) "Whattya say we go down and get Butterscotch
notarized in your name ?"
McGee (flustered): "You're stealing my horse !"
Dad (quietly): "No sir, you tried to steal my son's horse,
You're trespassing on his property as well, I would like you to
McGee acted really weird then.
He got up, took off his cowboy hat, put it in front of him
holding it with both hands, and started walking backwards
without looking behind him, he met his eyes with mine;
had this evil smile on his face and continued to walk
backwards. I could see he was going to do this stunt all
the way to his truck in my driveway, probably to make me
nervous or something.
I was just about to point out this behavior to Dad when there
was a loud "Phwa-kang !" behind him.
McGee dropped like a stone and I THOUGHT I heard Butterscotch
I looked, it was the old-classic stepping on the rake but from
behind for McGee. Did Butterscotch put that there ?
Dad was not so amused: "Get out of here!" he yelled to McGee.
McGee got up, looked like he whopped his eye pretty hard cause
it was all red and turned to peel-rubber his truck out of my
Dad (consoling to me) "Now look, you really can't keep the
horse. I just told McGee we'd get him notarized so he'd leave.
You really don't have room and cannot afford to feed a horse,
did you want to call animal control to have them pick him up ?"
Me: "No." (crying). "It's - not fair, he's REALLY intelligent."
Me: (snapping up): "Wait A Minuette !!
"My girlfriend Rose LOVES horses !
As smart as Butterscotch is, she'd LOVE to have him."
Dad: "That works for me. Get in touch with her."
(I then noticed that it was REALLY quiet then.
No birds singing, the wind stopped, and I went back inside my
house to make the phone call to Rose)
I lifted the receiver, there was a dial tone, then an awful
click, the line went dead).
I looked outside the window and saw McGee was heading full
tilt into the window where I was standing. He was going like
70mph. I knew I would die if I didn't do something so -
[[I woke up]]
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