“Do you remember my name?” She made me very nervous. I glanced around the room aimlessly as her gaze slowly made its way to my face. From the corner of my eye I spotted her right wrinkled arm shake then come outwards to me. The back of her hand grazed against my warm cheek and then I felt two fingertips glide along my jaw line out.
“Leave Adrian I don’t want you here to watch me die.” I gulped down her words and observed her frail body curl up in the heavy comforter we once made love in a long time ago. I can't believe she kept it after all this time.
“Please,” I hesitated, “I want your love.”
“I could have given you that Adrian when I was young. Now I don’t even want you to look at me, let alone get any more love from me. Besides you came to me in my weakened days when you should have come back when I begged you to decades ago.” Shame spread on my face and her eyes glazed over; she was remembering how she waited in this hospital bed with false hope and still I never arrived. A tear slid down her wrinkled cheek as she remembered how it had been thundering outside and rain drops slapped onto her bed side window the day she sent the letter begging me to come back. How she had her first to many restless nights because of me invading her thoughts, dreams, and desires. Another tear fell from her tender eye and within that tear I saw her young figure sitting at a small metal table.
She had a perspiring glass of cold water in her soft hand and dark turquoise lipstick on her African lips. A gasp shuffled out my mouth as I saw what made me obsessed from the begining...her, but in her twenties. In this tear she looked discomforted and her non-frazzled curly hair made its way down the back of the chair in spirals. Big lively eyes gleamed out from her face as she sat there waiting, and her tight smooth skin held the pigment of an almond. I caught myself staring at an old woman and re-entered the current moment from her memories.
“You looked at me like that all the time before you left me. Hell, I remember how your hands would never leave my skin.” I gritted my teeth and saw the blood that nursed meboil in her veins as hatred became apparent in her old face. My rose was dying, my love, my Becca. It pained me to let this happen to us, but I knew she’d want to become the thing I am. No. But now I wish I had.
“I am here now and that’s all that matters. Becca I still love you no matter how old you are. My soul will die when you’re gone from this earth.”
“I’m the only one dying you bastard,” she spat at me, “You stay young forever. I was there when you were turned and I got you back on your feet. I fed you my life support and this is how you pay me …you made me believe you loved me!”
“I have tried to kill myself and nothing works! What am I supposed to do? I regret not changing you but I wasn’t going to have your soul burn in hell with mine because of my selfish wants! Now I get to watch you die and feel pain when all I want to do is consume it for myself because your happiness is everything to me,” I found myself yelling.
Silence left us there. Her eyes held no passion for me. Tears dampened her hospital gown and tears of blood stained my white shirt. I felt an abnormal sensation and heard the first drop of rain land somewhere outside the hospital. It began to rain from the darkening clouds above and yet we still were silent. I left a rose on the edge of her bed and made my way to the door. I’ll still be there for her until the day her heart stops beating even if she doesn’t want to see me. She is the love of my life, forever. As I made my way out the door I heard her whisper to me.
“I feel no sorrow for you and I want you to suffer as you watch me die here. I loved you…”