I never thought anything would happen to me. I only thought. Never pictured.
It hurts bad.
Thinking of the pain and how strong he is, isn't making this any better. How long must I wait for him to finish? How long must I wait for him to return to help me? Why is he doing this.
How much longer?
He moan a little louder as I tried screaming for him louder than he. He cover my mouth hastily, sealing his hand. With his other hand, he grip my bare waist tighter, pulling my body in and out repeatedly. I squeal. Where is he?
I became weaker and weaker. With every movement, I lost more breath and strength. My scream was now transforming into a sharp sob. It was never going to end. Where is he? Why is this happening? To me? I cannot think. I am loosing all that is mine. Control and conscious. Where is it when you need it most? Where is he when I need him most.
I am terrified. This will never end.
Never.....it's so dark...and so cold.
I jump up, gasping for air in my bed. A few drops of sweat rain down my watery neck. My head crease in relief. Ebonie, my oldest sister, jump up, too.
Ebonie: "What, what happened?"
I shook my head, "N-nothing. I don't really remember. I know it was a dream, though." I only want it to be a dream. That's all. I have no idea what my dream was. And that's a good thing. I think.
Ebonie: "You sure? You're cool? [She say merely mad and worried]"
Me: "Yeah. I'm fine."
Then, like a bullet, the murkiness fade away. Light come seeping into my window, forcing me to wake up. I only guess it was about six:thirty. Maybe less....maybe more. Who cares?
I jump into the shower, come out fully clothed, and still have enough time to waste. All because of Ebonie.
Ebonie: "I'm cominnnnngg!!" She screech through the bathroom door. The shower water override her insipid tone.
After a while of waste, she is finally ready to leave. We head to my new high school, in our baby blue KIA Altima
Ebonie: "Y'know, we have to, like, get a new apartment. One bedroom is not! gonna cut it. Really. I can't take it."
Me: "Well, until we get jobs," I peep at her quickly, "We're not getting anywhere."
We ride in silence for merely a minute, then Ebonie has enough gut to brake silence.
Ebonie: "I may be moving soon."
"Why?" I say, my facial expression clueless, "Mom said we have to share."
Ebonie: "Gabby, sharing has nothing to do with it. Plus, I let you do everything. I want my own. I let you drive, I'm barely even in the apartment. I'm about to be twenty-one, Gabby. What am I to do!?"
I think about what she says, but feel careless and hurt. More like betrayed.
Me: ".........Not leave me." That is my only answer.
Ebonie: "I understand that you love me and need me, but I need some space. Really. It's not you.....it's me."
Me: "Sooo, you wanna leave?"
Ebonie: "Yes, when you put it that way...yes. I really do. I'm not even gonna lie." Ebonie swing her long, black ponytail. "I promise I'll visit. You don't have to worry about anything. Anything. This is your last year in school, you gotta start--"
Me: "How am I gonna get to school?" I feel a sharp thrust in my throat and a burn in my stomach. I want to stop.
But stop what?
Ebonie: "Rex bought one for me." She add expressionless.
Her boyfriend Rex. The guy that winks a me every time he sees me. That Rex.....Rex.
Me: "So, basically you're gonna leave me......for Rex?" I confirm.
Ebonie: "No. I'm gonna leave you for you. Get some friends, hang out, party, GET A BOYFRIEND! Something that can make you seem happier." Her sweet voice make tears fond in my eyes.
What if I never see you again? What if you like it that way? What if something goes wrong, a tragedy; that sends me into crude depression. Why must I suffer? I suffer enough right now, why more? The wind in my stomach twist more and more. It coils as I think of it. How can she do this?
To me? To our dead mother. To herself. How...why?
Ebonie: "I know, you're probably mad like hell, but G, I have to grow . We cant be stuck together all our lives. We can't grow old and die this way."
Me: "Why wouldn't we? We're blood, we're sisters. You. Don't need me."
Ebonie: "We have to have our own, Gabby. You don't get that?"
Me: "No. I guess I don't." I say tersely.
No! I don't get it at all.
I never will and that's the end. The sun shine on Ebonie's smooth auburn skin, causing her glittery eye-liner to shimmer. Ebonie's so beautiful, but her attitude isn't at all. Her soft green eyes and her perfect structures make Rex the luckiest guy alive.
I just can't believe she's with him.
I just can't believe Ebonie is doing this to me. On my first day of my senior year. This isn't love at all. This is not thoughtful matters of others than own self, this is selfishness and cruelty.
I pull up at my, un-shocking and quite diligent, new school. Ebonie and I moved here in Baudette from Seattle after our mother died. Now that she's gone, everything is a screw up. I barely talk anymore. I just express myself through arts and crafts. Rarely even that.
Ebonie: "Lake. Of. The. Woods High School?" Ebonie read aloud like a subordinate reader. "I'll leave the car here. Rex is picking me up....from here. He should be here right--"
Rex blow his horn behind us. His loud rock music make it hard to hear my own thoughts. How'd he know this school? He must've attended here. Jerk.
Ebonie weakly grin, signaling 'see you around'. I scowl.
"Fine," I answer without any sympathy for Ebonie. Snatching my backpack, I hop out the car. Ebonie toss me the car keys, exiting the car ,too. " The house keys are on there." She wander to Rex's all black Mercedes Benz. Rex wave at me while Ebonie blow a wet kiss. I roam into my new school, ignoring them.
While I walk, the coil--the twist--it engaged.
It strike me with a sharp turn. I inhale in and out quickly as they drive away.
The bell ring for us to go to our classes. I guess announcements are next. Students depart off of buses, shouting, and, must I add, being seniors. Maybe being in an only-twelfth-grade-building make them happier than knowing this is their last year in high school. We have our own building. We're separated from the other grades. K-12. Hmm.
I roam onto the sidewalk of the school, with my head down as far as possible (afap). I walk until I bump someone. I am scared to look into the face of my accident, but I must to apologize. If I don't, guilt will be my main motive. My eyes immediately jump up to see the face of my accident. It is a silver-eyed--brighter than coffee, more like peanut butter color guy with deep brows. I urgently apologize.
Me: "S-sorry. I'm so sorry."
He eyeball me and walk away with his forehead creasing and his hand cupping his mouth. Two other guys in black follow him. The first to follow is tall. He's chestnut with dark hair as well as the shorter one. The shorter guy's the same tone as my accident guy, but smoother and more olive toned. I can tell that he's the troublemaker because of his beauty. He's pretty and that describes the bad boy in him. I can only tell.
In the hallway, as I'm making my way to my first class, it seems as if every student knew each other. I say this because every student I see are playing like friends; girls chatting like friends, boys conversing and shouting like friends.
I walk, sliding my fingers through my chocolate hair. A curl slap my face while I hastily glance down. The pretty troublemaker nudge my shoulder and laugh. Not a mocking laugh, a I'm-going-to-get-you-my-pretty laugh.
A cute chortle.
I clench my teeth together, angrily. Glancing up, I see the troublemaker pull on his licorice-black leather jacket like a business man that has gotten jacked up and he's trying to fix himself and act strong. He gaze at me, licking his full lips and smiling. His smile is soo bright. Immature.
I turn away quickly, not even looking back.
While I peep at me schedule for merely a second, two blond, tan girls with very short skirts stop me.
Girl One: "Hi, my name's Tory."
Girl Two: "Annddd I'm Tina." Then, they both say at the same time," And welcome to Lake of the Woods High School!"
"Tina," Tory add, "It's not really a high school. We have our own side."
Tina: "I know, but it ffeeels like it."
Tina, the tannest, stands with long curly blond hair, touching her elbows. Her hair golden blond and her skin a golden tan. Ha. She wear a lemon tank that show nearly half her tummy, which is obviously pierced. A diamond butterfly piercing. And she wear a white flare mini skirt. More of a ruffle skirt than flare skirt. But it still flares and it's very short.
Tory, on the other hand, is a bit more smart and complex. Her tan isn't as bronze and golden as Tina's, but it's still conspicuous that she has a tan. Her highlighted-brown and blond hair hit her neck, bob-like, buried behind her Louis Vuitton shades. Somewhat like Tina, she wear a white tank revealing her tummy. Yes, it's pierced.....with a Playboy Bunny. Plus, it sparkles. I hate sparkles. Sparkle sparkle sparkle. Also, like the long-haired Blondie, Tory wear a mini ruffle skirt. Her skirt is lemon, though.
They wear opposites. That's cool. I've done that with my friends about a century ago. I wish they were here. My life would be awesome then. Tory and Tina both wear yellow and milky pumps. They're pretty high, too. Eek. They both wear the same accessories, like white earrings, yellow rings, striped bangles. Only thing is...Tory wear a Louis Vuitton bag and shades. Tina wear a Gucci bag.
They smack their gum, with fruity-licious lip gloss.
Me: "Thanks..." I reply dryly.
Tory: "Youuuu need any guidance?" Tory ask sagely.
Tory: "Oh my gosh, Tory![Tina yell, cutting me off] I am so sorry..new girl...........but Tory? Why do you, like, keep using big words? It's hard to zone in." She bite her lip in complete frustration.
"Tina, guidance is not a big word......leadership, advisement, management, and navigation is. To you anyway." She whisper that last part. I don't think she likes her much.
Tina :"Oh...right. They are! Thanks bud!"
Tory: "No problem..." They air kiss then look back at me.
I feel clueless and watched. I don't really like that feeling. I need a friend.
Tory: "Okay, like I was saying before I was totally interrupted," Tina smile with chagrin, "Do you need anything?"
Me: "Umm, yess.....I need to find...Mr. Stern's room."
Tory: "Oh my goodness. No way. We're totally in class together."
I wince and merely gag.
Tory: "English IV, right?"
I want to answer, but my throat get dry. I nod.
Tory: "Cool, let's go. C'mon Tina."
Tina run like a a dog with only two feet. A limping dog. Tory and I walk like girls. Although, Tory wear heels, she walk nothing like Tina. It's like Tina was hopping around instead of walking. Ha-ha.
Tory give me the gossip on all the seniors the considered "weird". She compliment me, though. I'm the real weirdo. Insane, but true. I am not normal.
Stern: "Great! [looking at me] Uh-oh, we've got a new student.
Me: "No-no." I try saying no loud enough while shaking my head, but he wouldn't allow it.
Stern: "C'mon in here and introduce yourself.
I take a deep breath and walk into the classroom slowly, not minding the faces yet. I begin to speak while I see Tory pushing people around arranging seats for her and I.