"Oh Anita, you look so pretty" says my friend
Kelsey as she stand back.
"Thanks Kelsey" I say, not believing
"No Problem! Now, let's go or we're going to
Kelsey grabs my hand and leads me out of her
house and outside to my car. She sits in the back seat and I go
to sit behind the wheel. Once we're both buckled up, Kelsey pulls
out a CD from her purse and asks me to put it into the CD player.
It's our favorite CD. 'In Utero' By Nirvana.
"Ready?" I ask once I press play, starting the
music that brought back memories for both of us. Memories that
date back from our freshman year, along with our memories from
Canobie, up until our senior year.
"As I'll ever be!" she says, joyful like she
I start the engine, back up out of her
driveway and we're on our way. Today is our High school
Valentine's Day Dance. Before we can get there, we have stop and
pick up Noah, Kelsey's boyfriend of three years. They are the
cutest couple that I know of.
I pull up into Noah's driveway as he is
walking out of his house. When he turns around I can see his
familiar orange hair, freckles and smile. He's dressed in a blue
shirt, teal tie and dress pants. I can tell that he spent time
polishing his shoes because they shone even with the sun
"Thanks for picking me up guys." He says as he
opens the door to the seat behind me.
"No problem Noah. What are friends
"Ha-ha yeah! You guys are the best." Says
Noah as he is puts on his seat belt.
Now that he is seated, I back up out of his
driveway and finally drive to the dance. While we're driving I
occasionally glance in the rearview mirror at my best friends in
the backseat. Kelsey's looks gorgeous in her dark blue dress;
with her shoulder length brown her, curled in tight curls. She
and Noah are one of the longest lasting couples in our high
school. When I look back at them, flirting with each other I feel
both happy for them and sad at the same time. Here I am, a senior
in high school, never been kissed, had a boyfriend and honestly
Noah is my only real guy friend. If it weren't for Kelsey I
wouldn't be going to this dance. She insisted that I'd go to the
last dance of our high school years and I agreed, as to not hurt
her feelings. Eventually I stop looking back at them all
together. I was going to be alone at this dance and starting it
off depressed was not something I wanted to do.
When arrive at the dance, it takes me a while
to find a parking spot, but when I find one, I turn off the
engine. The music stops and I unbuckle my seatbelt. In the back
ground I hear Kelsey and Noah doing the same. We all get out of
the car and huddle next to each other. After I lock my car, we
head over to the school gymnasium for the dance.
Due to the size of our high school, we are
asked to present our ID's at the dance, along with our tickets.
We came at a reasonable time so Kelsey, Noah only waited in line
for 10 minutes. When we walk in, the music is blasting through
the speakers and there are lights flashing everywhere. The bass
sends a pulsating sensation through my body, making my heart feel
like it was about to come out of my chest.
"We're going to get a drink" yells out Kelsey,
loud enough for me to hear her over the music. "Would you like
"No thanks. I'll just go and try to enjoy
Noah gets a hold of Kelsey's
hand and leads her over to the table with food and refreshments.
When I see that they aren't looking, I turn around and head over
to the bathroom. Surprisingly it's empty. I stand in front of the
sink and stare at myself in the mirror. My long brown hair
usually falls a little past my breasts but tonight it's curled,
giving it loose curls. I gently run my fingers through my hair
loosening up the curls even more. Next I stand back to see myself
from head to toe. Due to my height, I cannot stand back far
enough to see myself completely in the mirror, and I bump into
the bathroom wall. Discouraged I turn sideways and look at my
body in disgust. I've always been heavier then all my friends and
other girls at my school so I never felt like I really fit
My outfit consisting of a knee length dark red
dress with black leggings, and sparkling black flats makes me
hate my body even more than usual. I usually never wear dresses
and wearing one makes me feel uncomfortable and even more
self-conscious. Not being able to look at myself in the mirror
anymore I walk back to the sink and let the water run. I cup my
hands under the cool running water and splash some water on my
face. The fact that I have makeup on doesn't stop me one
After splashing the water on my face I look
up. In the mirror I see me, an ugly, fat faced freak, with black
eyes and a stream of makeup running down my face. I grab a towel
from the dispenser and start washing my face. Once it's all gone,
I splash some more water on my face once again and this time when
I look up, all I see is the same old me. The me that no guy
seemed to ever like or have any interest in. The me that I avoid
looking in the mirror daily. The face that forced me to get rid
of every mirror in my house. The face that brought me urges of
suicide when looking at it.
I turn off the water and throw away the towels
I used. Next I head over to one of the stalls and lock the door
behind me, and then I hang up my purse on the hook. I take a deep
breath as I get down on my knees and open the toilet seat. After
I pull back my hair to the left, I use my right index finger to
make myself throw up. At first it feels horrible but after a few
gags, I begin to feel a bit better. When there is nothing left in
my stomach to throw up, I flush the toilet and wipe my mouth with
the back of my right hand. A feeling of shame floods my entire
body as I lean against the stall wall. I begin crying, yet the
only thing that comes out is sobs, not tears. Suddenly my
conscious comes in.
Look at what you've stooped down to Anita.
Get yourself up and get your butt onto the fucking dance
I get up, get my purse and go back to the
sink. In the mirror, I see my green pupils, and around them, red
eyes. Immediately I look back down and turn on the sink yet
again, to wash my mouth and rinse it out. When I'm done, I pull
out a piece of gum from my purse and pop it into my mouth before
heading out of the bathroom. As I'm heading out, a girl whom I've
never seen in my life bumps into me.
"Watch it tubby" mutters the girls as she
turns around to flip me off.
I just turn around and continue heading out of
the bathroom and onto the dance floor, ignoring the comment I
have just received.
Once I'm back I start looking
around for Kelsey and Noah. As I'm walking around the dark room
with flashing lights, I spot both Kelsey and Noah in the middle
of the crowd. They're dancing really close to each other,
occasionally kissing each other. My body freezes as I watch my
best friends, passionately in love, dancing and making out with
each other. The first thing that comes to my mind is; why
can't I have what they have. Here I am, staring at my
friends, with no feeling in my body, wishing that I was them.
Instead of being happy for them, I'm jealous of them. It's been 3
years and I still envy them the same way I have the moment Noah
asked Kelsey out.
Not wanting to interrupt them, I just go off into a
corner, and stand watching over everyone dancing. After a while I
get sick and tired of looking at everyone so I head over to get
myself a glass of punch.
"Hey Anita" greets my friend Katie at the punch
"Hey Katie, why aren't you
"Oh, I got thirsty haha"
"Oh that's not cool!"
"I guess. Well, see you around!" she throws
away her paper cup and I watch her disappear into the
I decide that I'm not thirsty
anymore and walk over to Kelsey and Noah.
"Hey guys, I'm going" I yell out over the
"Aww Anita! We just got here!" says Kelsey. I
can barely hear her over the thumping of the music.
"Ya, but I don't feel good. I'll come back to
pick you guys up once the dance is over."
"Oh Anita, you don't have to." says
"I insist guys. I drove you here and I'll take
you home! Have fun guys."
We wish each other good bye as I make my way
through the crowd and outside. Once outside, I sit down in front
of a street lamp in the gym parking lot. The light shines down on
me, casting a long shadow onto the concrete. Looking at my
shadow, I let out a deep sigh, closing my eyes.
"Rough night?" says a voice from behind me.
Immediately I open my eyes and see another shadow in front of me.
I'm too afraid to turn around.
"Maybe.." I mutter, thinking that it's just
some jerk about to make fun of me.
"Mind if I sit down next to
"Yeah, go ahead." I say to the
Before I know it, there is a tall guy, about
5' 11, with long dark hair sitting next to me. His hair is
shoulder length with half his hair underneath, dyed red. He's
dressed in a black suit, and blood red t-shirt.
"Is everything ok?"
"Not really" I say, still wondering the
identity of who I'm talking to.
"Want to talk about it?" he says, turning his
head towards me for the first time. I glance into his eyes for a
second, just long enough to see their light blue color, and then
look back down.
"You can't help me. No one can. Besides,
you'll think I'm just seeking attention."
"I promise I won't" utters the stranger as he
places a comforting hand on my shoulder.
When his hand touches my shoulder,
a warm feeling spreads through my body. No one ever cared enough
to try and comfort me the way he is right now. I want to tell him
everything but I'm afraid of what he'll say. I just met the guy
and already I'm telling him all my problems. He seems like a
really nice guy. Definitely not like the other guys at my school
who don't know I exist.
"My name is Anita" I finally utter out,
breaking the awkward silence.
"I'm sorry! I forgot. My name is Jared. I'm
new here" he lets out a slight chuckle.
"I can tell. You wouldn't be talking to me if
you weren't new"
"Why's that?" asks Jared, still placing his
hand on my right shoulder.
"Not many people like me. I'm like the school
laughing stock, or feel like one." I mutter under my breathe as
I'm holding back the tears.
"Why?" he asks, not afraid to know the
"Can't you see? Look at me! I'm fucking ugly.
Not to mention I'm fat." I can't hold back the tears anymore so I
just burst out crying. After holding it all in for a long time,
it finally felt good to let it all out.
"Im sorry.. I.. can't…" I say, taking breaths
between words while sobbing.
Instead of Jared walking away, he scoots
closer to me and wraps his arm around my shoulders, pulling up
against his chest. My ear is pushed up against his chest, so much
so that I can hear his heart beating.
"Oh Anita, That's not true. You're beautiful.
People are assholes." Jared gives me a quick hug.
Instead of saying anything, I just continue
listening to Jared's rhythmic heartbeat and crying. My tears fall
on shirt, leaving two small puddles on his shirt.
"I got your shirt wet with my tears." I say,
as I try to stop myself from crying anymore.
"It's ok. They're the tears of a beauty
I continue telling Jared everything, from how
I was treated in elementary school, to moments ago in the
bathroom. Telling him everything took a huge amount of pressure
off of my chest. The whole entire time I was talking, he had his
left arm wrapped around me, and he sat there listening. Not like
everyone else listened. Jared actually listened with care. I've
never met him before and he never met me, but he is kind enough
to sit down with me and listen.
"Well that's it" I say, after running out of
things to tell him. "Thank you so much for listening
Jared gets up, brushes off the dirt from his
pants and extends his arm to help me get up. I grab my purse in
my left hand and reach out the grab Jared's with my right hand.
He firmly grips my hand and pulls me up. After quickly brushing
the back of my dress, I open my arms and hug Jared.
"You're an angel" I whisper into his right ear
before placing a kiss on his right cheek. After doing so he hugs
me tighter in his arms.
Jared lets go of me and holds his hands in
mine. He then looks into my eyes for what seems like forever. His
big blue eyes comfort my soul as they stare directly into mine
with a look of compassion in them. When I realize that I've been
looking at Jared I look down at my feet. For a moment I was
comfortable at keeping eye contact but my lack of self-esteem
kicks back, losing the moment of confidence.
"You really have no idea how beautiful you
are, do you?" says Jared as he pulls me in closer. Our faces are
just inches apart when he leans in to kiss me.
"Why don't you tell me one more time" I
whisper under my breath before kissing him again.
"Let's go inside." Says Jared, after he
finishes kissing me. I yearn for his lips to be back on mine and
kiss him instead of replying.
"I'd like that." I say, after kissing
Jared gets a hold of my left Hand and leads me
into the gym. When we walk in, the music is still at a fast and
happy beat. We dance for a while. Jared makes a complete fool of
himself. He starts dancing in ways that would make me laugh. At
first I stand there, wishing he'd continue kissing me but it's
not long before I'm laughing at him. Then as I'm laughing,
something inside me forgets everyone around me and I start
dancing like a fool with him. We're having a blast dancing
together when all of a sudden the music stops.
"Alright gentlemen, get a hold of your special
lady, we're going to play something just for you love birds in
The next song that comes on is Hero by Enrique
Iglesias. Jared stands right in front of me, wrapping both of his
arms around my waist. I in return wrap my arms around his neck
and we begin slow dancing. As we sway side to side, my eyes
slowly begin to close and I rest my head on Jared's shoulder.
While we're dancing, Jared whispers all the things he likes about
me into my ear.
When the song ends, I place yet another kiss
on Jared's cheek then whisper into his ear.
"You're my hero" We stand, wrapped in each
other's arms for a few more moments before yet another boring pop
song comes on.
"Ugh, let's go. I hate pop" says Jared,
turning to face the door. Once again we head out, this time I
feel like we won't be coming back inside.
"Why can't they play some Muse or Pink Floyd?"
I ask Jared as I'm leading him to my car.
"You're amazing Anita"
"Hmm?" I ask, hoping that Jared would explain
himself. While we're walking, I pull out my phone and text
Hey! I'm parked behind the school. Meet me
here a few min before the dance ends
"Not only are you beautiful, but you're taste
in music is amazing." says Jared, when I put my phone
"No problem sweetie"
"Hey Jared… How did you get here?" I ask,
wondering if he was going to leave soon.
"My bother dropped me off" he says, as I spot
my car, pulling out the keys and unlocking it. I put my purse
inside the car then close the door.
"So Jared, my friends will be here in a few
minutes. Their names are Noah and Kelsey."
"Alright" he says, wrapping his arms around me
"Can I ask you something?"
"Anything Anita." his caring eyes look into
"Why me? Why now? Why so fast? You barely know
"Do you believe in love at first
"Not until I met you" I say, honestly. "Still,
you don't know me Jared"
"I do Anita. I listened to you tell me
everything" he places a soft kiss on my forehead.
"Didn't it scare you?" I ask, feeling
"Honestly, it made me want to be with you even
more. You're so mysterious Anita. I want to find out what you're
"Jared?" I ask, full of
"Yes?" his head tilts to the side as a curious
look appears on his face.
"I'm glad you moved"
"Me too Anita." his face goes back to a normal
We kiss each other. He then leans against the
driver's side of the car, as I'm in his arms. Our tongues begin
fighting each other in our mouths. Jared begins moaning between
each kiss and I let out a sigh every time he bites down on my
lips. He then moves his hands from around my waist, slowly up my
back. Next he stops kissing me and pulls down my left sleeve,
revealing my shoulder. Next he bites down on it. I let out a long
"You like that?" whispers Jared into my ear. I
nod and he bites down once more, this time closer to my neck.
Once again I moan.
"Stop" I say, once things start getting to
"I'm sorry… You're just so beautiful." he
says, kissing me gently while fixing my sleeve.
I get into my car, still processing what just
happened. I wanted to be with Jared, but I only met him hours ago
and already we were going too far.
As Jared opens the passenger seat
to my car, my phone rings with a text message from Kelsey, and I
reach over to answer it.
It Reads: Hey! Noah and I will
be there in a few!
Awesome! J I have
someone for you to meet! A few seconds after I hit send, she
Who? I look at the text,
and decide not to answer it. I want Jared to introduce himself to
my friends. I glance over at Jared and see that he's also texting
"Who are you texting?" I ask with an obvious
curiosity in my voice.
"My brother. I just let him know that I'm
getting a ride home/"
"From who?" I say, sarcastically as I put my
phone away in my purse.
"I was hoping you'd take me home" he says,
tucking away his blackberry.
"If all taxi drivers looked like you, I'd take
taxi's everywhere" says Jared, placing a hand on my
"Well if you put it that way… Sure I'll take
We both burst into laughter. Then, when I look
in my rear view window, I see Noah and Kelsey coming towards us.
When they walk over to my car they open the doors to the backseat
and get in
"Anita, I thought you went home!" says
"I was going to, until I bumped into Jared" I
point to Jared as I say his name for the first time to my
"Hey Kelsey, Hey Noah" says Jared, turning
around in his seat to face my friends.
"Oh Jared, pleasure to meet you." utters
Kelsey with her Bostonian accent. Noah just gives Jared the
'hello nod' as if he didn't approve of him. I see Kelsey secretly
slap Noah in the rear view mirror.
"Hey" mutters Noah, looking mad at
"Ready to go guys?" I ask, in hopes of cutting
"Yeah!" says Kelsey. Jared turns on my cd
player and re-starts the CD.
"Oh no…" says Noah. Worried I look back at him
in the mirror. "Now I'm in a car with THREE Nirvana
Everyone in the car starts laughing. Things
are like they always are between Noah, Kelsey and I, even with
Jared here in the car with us. I really hope that things stay
like this. Two couples, one group of close friends with new
memories and new adventures.
Noah is the first one to be dropped off,
followed by Kelsey.
Soon it's just Jared and I in the car. He
instructs me on where to drive. While I'm driving, I'm trying to
memorize what roads I'm on, so I could come back some other
"This one" says Jared, pointing to the grey
home. I pull into his driveway and turn off my
"Here you go!" I say, turning to face Jared.
His bright blue eyes are barely visible in the
"Thanks Anita. I had an amazing time tonight,
well expect for one part.."
"What's that?" I ask, worried that I might
have said something to make him mad.
"Having you drive me home… Aren't guys
supposed to do that?" he lets out a chuckle.
"Ha-ha yeah they are, but you can drive me
"I can't wait until next time." says Jared,
leaning in for a kiss.
I kiss him for a few moments before he opens
his door and get out of the car. I also get out of the car.
We're standing in his driveway, right beside my car, looking into
each other's eyes.
"I can't take my eyes off you" says
"Same here" I say, admiring the way the moon
shines on Jared's face.
"When can I see you again
"Text me" I say, as I take Jared's phone out
from his pocket. I put in my number then return it to him. Then I
kiss him one last time before going back into my
I wish Jared goodnight as I get into my car
and close the door. As I'm backing out, Jared is standing
there, smiling at me. I wave at him as I drive down the street,
on my way back home.
I get home at around midnight only to find my
whole family asleep, so I quietly tip-toe through my house and
into my room. After changing into my Pajamas, I take out my phone
and set my alarm for the next day. To my surprise I have a text
from an unknown number.
Goodnight baby. Sweet
After reading the text I can't help but smile
so much, that it hurts.
I reply back with :
Who needs dreams when I
Immediately Jared texts back.
You are my
I love your signature Jared
Not as much as I love you
I lie down in bed, continuing to text Jared.
Eventually I fall asleep texting him. The next morning when I
awake, there's a text on my phone from him, sent at
I get up out of bed with a huge grin on my
face. For the first time in my life, my life is better than my
THE END OF PART 1
Thank you so much fro reading. I love you
guys! I wish I could meet each and every one of you that takes
time to read my stories. Without you guys and gals, they would be