Bob Meets God
by Jordan Muse
Bob found himself standing before God on a very pleasant, puffy cloud. The sight startled him almost more than his very first encounter with the brightly-coloured red arrow situated above his head that one morning after he had awakened. God sat there in front of him on the cloud with quite the perky smile on his aged, fluffy white-bearded face. This is not at all what startled him however. Bob had grown accustomed to the whole big fluffy white bearded image of God that was depicted all about his town. No, what startled him was the fact that nowhere had he ever heard anyone speak of God being a wheelchair. Never had he suspected, nor ever heard anyone else postulate that the ever-present all-knowing God everyone spoke of was crippled. Nobody, not even jokingly, had even brought up the notion of God being handicapped, ever. Yet there He sat, right in front of Bob on a fluffy white cloud, in His golden wheelchair. Bob just could not get over this, he could not believe his eyes. Realizing that this could very well go on forever, God himself announced that he was indeed in a wheelchair, and that it was time to move on from the matter. Bob still stood there perplexed however, just gazing into the shiny golden rims of the wheelchair. God, now annoyed, wheeled himself closer to Bob and exclaimed once more that he was in a wheelchair, and that it was certainly a very nice wheelchair he was in, but that was entirely besides the point and that it was about time to move on away from that subject, for it was certainly not an important matter at all. With that he finally came to his senses, and asked God, thankfully not as to why He was in a wheelchair, but as to why one day he woke up to a brightly-coloured red arrow above his head pointing out the first step of his daily routine, only to find an infinite amount more of these arrows highlighting exactly everything that he would do throughout the day. God pondered about this for a second, or many. Bob stood there in awe of God, handicapped, stroking his white fluffy beard in complete silence. He stood there, excited, for soon he would learn the truth about these arrows, just how they came about, and why it was that they just popped into his life the way they did, without any warning no less. The anticipation was just killing him, he just had to know once and for all, but God still sat there in front of him in his golden wheelchair stroking his fluffy white beard, still completely silent. Bob waited, and waited, as God sat there so intently stroking His fluffy white beard. Bob could not take much more of this, he could only watch a man stroke his beard for so long and this had well surpassed any amount of time he could bear it. He broke the silence by simply asking God if He even knew why those oddly-convenient arrows had just suddenly appeared that one day, to which the response was merely a yes. God paused yet again, and proceeded to stroke his fluffy white beard once more. Bob, now slightly irritated, could take absolutely no more of this, and demanded to know the reasoning behind it all. God finally obliged him with a proper response, first letting it be known that he was merely just trying to determine the best way to phrase it, but since Bob had been so impatient he opted to make it blunt. He explained that the only reason behind it all was that he overheard people laughing about it all the time, so He made it his goal to top the Platypus, figuring that the arrows could quite possibly do it. Bob stood there, expressionless, not knowing what to make of this. God then reiterated that He put the arrows there simply to make a joke better than the Platypus. Bob thought about this for a second, and a second more, and yet a second more, until finally breaking out in a fit of laughter. God wheeled himself away, leaving Bob there, laughing at his sudden remembrance of the date on the calendar, and realizing that God really does have a sense of humour.