I roamed aimlessly on the roads in my new Chevrolet, black clouds hung over the beautiful city most of the times in winter season and this kind of weather always got me to my toes I didn't like to be in one place in such a weather, I wasn't sure if this weather made me sad or happy but this dark cloudy weather always ignited a reaction with in my own self. I had no friends in this city as I came here 5 months ago because of this ideal job that I got and I didn't intend to make any friends as I wasn't really that kind of a person who would just go out and make new friends, the friends that I had were busy in their lives just as I was. I was feeling lonely and a bit sad I wasn't sure if it was due to the weather or I was actually lonely inside maybe I was missing my wife whom I loved so much but she went abroad a year ago for her studies. I just couldn't stop her, couldn't stop her from leaving me and the life we had, the vacuum created by her was now consuming me. I parked the car in front of a public park and went inside the park with heavy feet, I tried calling my wife but the answer machine told me that I was missing her at a wrong time. I found a bench and sat there listening to the giggles of kids playing and running after each other, the rusty chains of swings made a sound that made me miss my wife even more, I tried her number again but again answering machine, I left a formal message as I knew that even if I tried to tell her how much I missed her, she wouldn't be able to understand my feelings. I took a cigarette out of the pack and started oozing out the smoke into the atmosphere, I started to think about the moments that we both had together, she was beautiful in every way, in fact she was the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes upon, I remember when we got married I considered myself the happiest man walking the planet earth. She loved me and I loved her, we made love to each other passionately and our romance was beautiful and wild, the memories of us making love in the early morning and the burning passion that we shared started to overwhelm my mind. I got to my feet and started to walk towards my car not realizing that the hard-on was making me look awkward specially in a place where kids played, but I didn't have anything on my mind but my wife and the intimate moments we shared, I missed her, I missed her sleek body and I missed the warmth that she provided me with and that too with so much passion. I was again driving on the roads aimlessly, it was then that I saw a girl walking on the pavement alone who looked like my wife, I knew she wasn't my wife but somehow I wanted to see her again and I took a U-turn and came back, the girl seemed to have noticed my move as she was now looking at my car and I noticed that she slowed down a bit. I applied breaks unwillingly, she stood where she was I kept looking at her, she wore provocative clothes, she was beautiful not more than my wife but she was a beauty in her own way. She gave me a smile and started walking towards my car, felt like as I missed a heart beat, she opened the door and before I could've even thought she was in my car sitting right next to me. I was struck with the absurdity of the situation.
Will you drive or do you want all these jerks to keep on starring at us? She said it with a beautiful smile on her face. I looked around and there was a fruit seller who was looking towards me with an evil grin on his face, there could have been some one watching who knew me so I drove off, she was dressed neatly, wearing decent jewelry and smelled as a strawberry farm in the early morning of a sunny summer day.
My name is fareeha, she extended her hand for a hand shake while telling me her name, I hesitantly took her hand, it was a beautiful hand, felt as if I had taken a cotton ball in my hand, so soft, warm and smooth. Listen! I didn't want you to sit in my car, I was just looking at you, I said in a bit shaky voice. She laughed and replied, this isn't what you say in return, what's your name Mr. CEO? She probably called me CEO because of the suit that I was wearing and the car that I was driving. I am not CEO, my name is adnan and I work as a Human Resource Behavior Analyst in a well known multi-national firm here in your city, I replied. This isn't my city really, I used to live here once but yes I do like it somehow, she said in a flat tone.
She was almost my age but much more energetic and excited, I straight away went to a take-away restaurant and ordered two strawberry shakes, she insisted that she didn't want a strawberry one and I insisted that she must take the strawberry one. I was still thinking about my wife but not in the way I was thinking before, this time my thoughts were filled with fear, as I was a married man and this girl in my car was bold and youthful, it could be trouble if some one from my contacts or my wife's saw us together.
So? What do you think about me? She asked in a very serious tone which suggested that she wanted an affirmative decision from my side. How I wish I could tell her that I am thinking of my love and nothing more but I stopped my self when she put her hands on my thighs and moving slowly towards my manhood. I felt as if the world inside me started to shake, the feel in her hands reminded me of my wife and her warm hands massaging my body for hours. I didn't say a word and a meaningful smile crawled up her lips and stayed there, she looked right into my eyes and kept rubbing her hand against my man hood which was now getting harder due to the plethora in my veins, my heart beat started to sink. I started the car and now I was driving towards my apartment, the fear of somebody seeing me taking this girl in my apartment filled me with an unknown fear, it disturbed my heart beat but I was over whelmed with her hands doing the job for me. She didn't really talk on the way instead she took a sip from her strawberry shake with one hand and kept rubbing my thighs with the other. I knew she was a prostitute.
I couldn't enter the keys properly in the keyhole because my hands were a little shaky and I was a bit confused, she watched and smiled. The door flung open, we entered the apartment. I made her sit in the lounge and went to check if somebody was noticing, but it gave a relief when I saw that there was no one in the block, the darl shadows of evening were far away but the cloudy day made it somber and dark that it looked like an evening all day long.
I went back into the lounge only to find her not there where I left her, she was in my room, looking at the photographs and the paintings. I cleared my throat to gain her attention but she didn't notice of course intentionally, her gaze was fixed at my wife's picture, and that was one of my favorite pictures, my wife held her arms around a giant stuffed bunny and tried kissing it. How many times I saw that picture and thought to be in that bunny's place, to have been kissed by my beautiful wife again and again. She still looked like my wife especially when I saw her from the back, she was as tall as my wife, her curly hair carelessly rested upon her shoulders and her moderate hips made her back looked like as if it wasn't there at all, I so wanted to hug her and kiss her and make love to her. To her? Of course to the woman in picture not the one starring at it. She turned towards me, so Mr. CEO who is this beautiful lady? My Wife, I replied in a jiffy, it felt as if her gaze was piercing through my heart. So you are married Mr. Mann she looked at me with a lusty smile on her face while saying this, she drew nearer and held me from my neck tie. Listen! Aaa I think we shouldn't be doing this you know… She zipped my mouth by piercing her lips into mine. Oh God! Her warm breath, her soft touch was now making me lose control and I knew that this was the moment when I actually have to gather my self up and resist, I pushed her away. I knew I had to be in control of the situation, the feeling of empathizing with my wife made me feel like puking, what if my wife was doing the same over there in that far away land? I had to get her out of my apartment now. I took my wallet out and took all the currency notes that were in there and threw at her, you have to leave now, I said in a very dry tone. She kept sitting on my bed, silent, after couple of silent moments passed and she didn't raise her face, I knew I shouldn't have done this.
The clouds drizzled in anger and it started to rain, what a perfect timing I thought, my wife would call me as soon as she hears my message, I was stuck in this awkward situation, I had to get this girl out of my house but its raining I picked her up from some market place and there was no way that she could get a cab easily from where I lived, I had to drop her off from where I picked her up. Get up… I said in a mild tone this time, I can't do this, I have to drop you off. She didn't move as though she was a statue I just made with white clay mixed with a little red in it. She had the most beautiful hands and feet I had ever seen, she was no doubt beautiful and deserved love but may be she chose the wrong path, but it wasn't my headache really. I took her chin in my hands and raised her face, she was crying, tears streaming down her face, I was shocked with a mixture of feelings, here I am with an unknown girl that I picked up from a road, crying in my apartment, what am I suppose to do? I was hungry, I wanted to eat, I left her in my room and went to the kitchen, to my surprise she came after me and offered to help, I didn't refuse as another rejection could cause her to weep more and make her feel worse.
I went into my room, changed my clothes and thought about my wife while this awkward situation snuggled upon me, I came back into the lounge, switched on the TV and started to watch my wife's favorite show, I imagined her sitting right beside me and watching this show, and I kissing her flowery cheeks and she cutting me off. The girl brought the food, I ate and she watched me. She looked more serious now, I observed her changing behaviors as it was my field and I noticed that she has gone through so much in last few minutes, she didn't have that freaky smile on her face any more, she wasn't crying either. I offered her food, she rejected, I also stopped eating, took out a cigarette from the pack and started to smoke again.
Why were you crying? I investigated
To see a man love his wife so much, that he rejected a girl like me, I just couldn't keep myself together, I am sorry Mr. CEO. She said in a tone that suggested sadness and loneliness.
I took a puff from the cigarette and looked at her, she was looking even more beautiful while wandering in the valleys of her thoughts and memories. She reminded me of my wife, she looked exactly like her when she was upset with me and didn't want to talk about it. The rain was pouring down on the windows of my third floor apartment's window as steel nails.
Why do you do this? You are beautiful, and you know how to carry yourself… why would you just hop in to some stranger's car and rub his thighs? To me my question was very logical and I wanted to drag many answers by asking it. But her reply came in one word only, Money, she said in a flat tone.
Money? You can earn it by joining a respectable job, I inquired.
I didn't chose to be what I am today, she said, and I was stunned by her intuitive sense, she knew how to respond in a very confident manner, she wasn't just a hooker, I was very much sure of it, she wasn't a hooker deep inside, she was just a normal human being like many of us.
I was thinking about her and her life, wanted to ask her more questions but she started to speak herself.
I got married to the guy I loved, my life was perfect, I gave birth to a beautiful daughter after a year of our marriage, we moved to another country as he got a really good job there and we were happy with our lives. I didn't know that life can change overnight, my husband was caught drunk on the job and subsequently fired. Our savings drying up, and a daughter's future at stake, we had to make a move. He suggested that I go to Canada and seek asylum, later on he was supposed to join me with my daughter and we can start our lives over with a more bright future. I did as he said, I got the visa and went to Canada, I applied for asylum, and I made the biggest mistake of my life unknowingly. He called my sister over to take care of our daughter, I was stuck in Canada as my case was underway and I couldn't move out of the country. My husband started liking my sister and they both fell for each other, they were making love to each other in Malaysian rain while I was stuck up in Canada. They later married each other, and I couldn't do anything about it, I cried and sobbed alone, to me the God ceased to exist. I gave up my daughter and the moments that we could have had together, just for a bright future for three of us but I was left alone in the darkness. I asked him to hand over my daughter, but he refused, the only hope of life in me died.
She kept right on, telling her story, tears dwelling in her eyes and started to flow on her cheek bones, I was shocked, stunned and sad. She continued, I couldn't really find a job, and where ever I went to find one, the employer demanded personal favors from me, they would ask me out for a dinner and some of them wanted me to spread my legs right there and then in their office to get a job. I never wanted to die in my entire life, but at that time I wanted death more than thirsty wants water, I longed for it with every breath that I took. I wanted a shoulder, some one to listen to my story, I tried to call my parents but they denied me, they believed my husband telling them that I was a corrupt woman and I was dating men in Canada and forgot about our daughter and him, they were all lies and my parents believed him.
And then… I met this guy who claimed that he loved me, I thought may be it could be my last chance to start over new, we started seeing each other, I told him my story but he didn't really care, turned out that he was already married and just playing around with me. He left me after using me well, but at least he didn't leave me all by my self, he left me some money that I didn't use until it became inevitable to use it. Later on it became a habit to earn my bread and butter and I became this, you threw money on me and it felt as if all the world was throwing stones at me, it felt as if they wanted to stone me to death. I came back in my country to find a chance to live a respectful life again but story was pretty much same over here as well, all the guys looked at me with lust and hunger, I was being told to spread my legs to get a job. So I opted this path, at least I have the freedom to spread my legs for a man of my liking and will.
She kept on saying, the burden she was getting off her heart became a thorn of my heart, she kept crying and telling, and the rain kept pouring and spilling down the window. It was a perfect day to cry for both the skies and the ones living underneath it. I was thinking about her miseries, trying to feel her pain, trying to imagine what she might have gone through, all the moments that she might have begged for death but her cries went unanswered, all the moments that she must have spent in the loneliness shadowed by sadness and the longing for death. How ironic this life can be… I thought. The light went out, my apartment was filled with sorrows, mine and hers, it was filled with darkness and the silent cries, I got up and gave a flame to the candle, it was now the candle's turn to cry and soon tears started to stream down the white candle and refused to let go off her as they rested on it's feet. I saw her, she was sitting on the couch without a hint of life, for a second I thought she was dead, may be the skies answered her call and granted her what she longed for all these years. I went near her, she was breathing, she fell asleep, may be she took the burden off and was now relaxed. The night was falling and it was getting colder, I thought to let her stay until morning, I gave her a blanket and walked into my room. I was looking at my wife's picture when my phone started ringing, it was my wife, I received the call and started to cry.
What's the matter? Are you alright? She asked in a worried tone as she figured out my heavy voice.
I want you to come back to me, please, I beg you. I was now crying like a child. Honey, I will come back soon, I miss you too, she said in the same worried tone. NO! I shouted, come home, come back to me, or I am coming to you, I just cant live with out you, my breath was out of control and I was crying just like the skies have been crying for hours. After a long silence, my cries were answered, Okay! I am taking the next flight, I am coming back, she said in an affirmative tone. I couldn't have thought of anything to say to her so I hung up, I just looked at her picture and cried. The four of us cried!