I hear them,I hear them, the noxious voices that pervade my every moment. Whispering, shuffling, murmuring, over and over again, I hear them calling my name.
"Listen, listen, listen to us..."
Panicked, I turn from side to side, I thrash at night, lying in the silent room as it slowly fills with their whispers.
"We're still here sweet one, we're right behind you, on top of you", next to me, smothering me, lying on and under me, encircling me in a caul of whispers. Murmurs, whispers, gentle voices that turn harsh, those that cajole me and call me their darling before enumerating my every sin, my every mistake, before seeding doubt in my mind, so that again, I hear nothing but them.
"Do you remember? Can you still see the blood you shed on your own arms? Can you still taste the alcohol you downed? Can you still feel his body on yours? Can you still taste her lips as you kissed her? Can you still hear the music? Can you still hear us?"
Flashes of different moments, blood on my arms left there by a blade, vodka drunk to excess at a party, a friend-turned-lover's body pushing against mine during a trip back to my hometown, the taste of my first woman's lips against mine as we got lost from a walk to a park, the different music pulsing at each scene, sometimes the sound of silence, sometimes a heavy beat. And behind all the memories, the voices.
"So you can hear us...you can hear us as we get closer, as you get closer, as you sob or as you laugh, as you embrace a man or a woman, as you dance, as you drink, as you weep. Never forget us."
As if I could...when I do, they come back, insinuating themselves into my reality, jeering me as I live my life. From time to time, I scream "go away, just leave me already, disappear and let me live my life again, go, go, go!". And so they stay silent for a few days, before coming back again. Dearest voices, dearest evils, lovely demons that haunt me...lovers and foes, sharing my bed and my mind.
The voices. They always remember. And Inever forget.