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Tags: Flash, Fiction

I'm taking a creative writing class as a junior in high school. This is just the first paragraph to an assignment we're doing with flash fiction. Any comments and critiques are appreciated! View table of contents...


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Submitted:Jan 24, 2012    Reads: 14    Comments: 1    Likes: 0   

Ryan had a respectable childhood, his mother had a prospering bakery and she was happy. They spent many afternoons tossing Frisbees and nights watching movies accompanied with popcorn and their always faithful and loving Husky dog, Max. Ryan's sister Cara came along when he was six; his mother had fallen in love with a young military man home on leave. However he was never to return home again due to a bombing that occurred near his station. After his mother heard the tragic news she became engulfed in the deepest state of depression Ryan had ever witnessed from her. Something had snapped in her that could never be put back together.

Things started spiraling downward after the loss of Cara's father. With his mother's lack of happiness her short-lived bakery had gone bankrupt. Before long, all her ambition to keep up with the business was down the drain while bottles of whisky were down her throat. After her lost job she started selling or tossing out everything she didn't seem to need. Ryan sat and observed her as she rummaged through boxes of old pictures, letters, trinkets and toys. He picked up his own box to search through and came across a ring, it had a gold band with a date inscribed on the inside, topped with an emerald like a dragon's scale. It was beautiful as it gleamed in the scarce sunlight of the now dismal atmosphere of the place. He placed it on his thumb but it was too big, it slid off as he turned his hand upside down. It bounced across the wood floor and rolled over to where his mother sat. She spotted it and then snatched it up, not saying a word, and placed it in her back pocket. Confused, Ryan eyed her suspiciously, but decided to let it go.

Ryan was now 15 and Cara at the ripe age of 9, both inquisitive adolescents. Despite their mother's continuing lethargy they worked their way around it. They were abnormally agreeable compared to others' with their differences in age. Mainly due to the amount of time they spent together in Cara's younger childhood where Ryan parented her more than their mother did. This time, it was Cara who encountered the emerald ring. Being curious, she asked about it but only received the same reaction Ryan did. This particular subject seemed to pluck a nerve in their mother, and they were both determined to figure out why.


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