I watched while the server took their lunch orders. Reluctant, they pulled away, to merely pick up again after she left. Staring at how simple it was for them to snub the crowded room, eyes gazing, cocooned in a makeshift world of self-made bliss. I strained to hear their conversation above the haze of the crowd's buzzing and only garnered small snips of their cozy happy whispering.
Horror struck when Ricardo took her hand to kiss while placing a ring on her finger. Its brilliance burned in the late afternoon light while scorching my soul. She received the gesture with an endearing smile and a long hard kiss on his full lips.
A bone deep ache over took me while the crowd cheered for them. I doubled over in real physical pain. I wanted to scream gazing at them and their open display of affection, while a sad dream hung on my mind.
I remembered he held me once body, mind, spirit and soul. I gave Ricardo all of me; then he moved on with his life. I call to mind a vow once holy, a union once shared, but this picture of life anew made it void. Now it’s a shadow of what once existed, I’m left to muse over a life once full of love now lost. The incident crossed my awareness and I remembered for the first time.
My world changed on a bright sunny day. The day he proposed, we sat at our table here near the window inside the café. He surprised me going to one knee while he held up open a small black box. I had on idea he would propose to me. Sudden without warning, a car crashed through the building killing me instantly. I took the brunt of the impact saving Ricardo's life. He spent a year of his life in a coma and another remembering how to walk.
Gripped with this truth, I'm no longer Ricardo's focus; he's found another to fulfill his dreams, his life and his bed. I had become a distance memory, a whisper in the breeze, a lost soul that hung back. I stayed where all our hopes and dreams began, where our bright future started and where my life ended.
I've stayed in this spot at the table by the window for four years waiting for Ricardo to return. I held on to wants and desires that he can never meet. I've stayed here because I'm a lost soul, a spirit still in love with the living.
I once had the love of a man who loved me. My love for him lingered, hopeful, but watching Ricardo with this woman and their love for each other. I realized there's no need for me. I drifted over to the loving couple, watching them this close I discern that I could never give him what he needed. I'm just a lost soul, now glad to have loved. I planted a soft kiss on Ricardo's cheek. He smiled and I believe it’s for me.
It's right for me to move on, to fade into the eternal bliss. I looked to the light so bright near the window luring me. With a sigh, I drifted back realizing there's no longer a need to defy the strong pulling of infinite and glory that called upon me.
I turned to look one last time at Ricardo's happy face. It’s genuine happiness I felt for him. Turning back toward the bright and mysterious radiance with the understanding there's no more time for me here. I took my first step into the bright light happy to enter the peaceful rest; bone weary from my time spent lingering.