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''sometimes i am so in love with you''


Submitted:Jul 20, 2010    Reads: 84    Comments: 2    Likes: 2   


You came home
You came home with the wonderful glow fading fast. I won't be around when you're burning brightly and this is the worst. I won't know you when your gleaming transfigured and more incredible than the held-down flame I'm seeing now. I won't feel it burn no more and I need it so hard. I need you to burn me always. I am scared to be free and unbound of your blaze for then I'll just be ash; but now I'm a part of your fire. I want you to radiate and warm everyone you meet like you do now. But they just don't know it; scrabble your chest they try and blacken you; and I want you to have some tender sun burning back. But I know you very well and I am so afraid that you'll singe the wrong parts and in your skull and heart the embers will smoulder with trouble and pain; and I will not be there to swallow it whole and that tears me. It crushes me with worry to think your light might implode without me here to take the ugly and the sad things. I wish I could absorb every fall and strip all the doubt and aching so you can beam and push your rare love into everything. But it cannot be; for you, and for the me I must rebuild. You came home and I did watch the pain come straining in your shoulders. I would have cried to see you that way so bright and taking on the troubles bone by bone, but I found strength and I will see you through until you chew through the ties and I quake all ashen and empty and worthless. But I am embracing ideas to start again and to keep a breath of you spun in snow round my spine. Promise now you won't forget me. I am trying very hard to make myself stick in your head. Promise now you'll bind a piece of my love to the dark round your eyes; and wear it for luck. You'll be loved you'll be loved and never alone.
See me short in breath and small lipped as you say that you may leave this year. And that you will not miss the trappings, these years you will forget and there's no one in this land you'll miss. I am dumb and unprepared but smiling if this makes you happy. You came home and I got all dogged and dead. And I know I won't stop this until you finally drop me and I let go, but all my plans are made from your mouth and my super brain has no thoughts for my future. There is just space and there is just your absence. All I am is a dusk portrait of you salty and fragmented but there is a lake-like sheer mirror today when you stepped from the train and graced me, defiled me. And I do see some shame-faced new moth thing shedding your skin and unlacing your ties. I am wretched now, but I am wretched all my own.




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