An exercise in Flash Fiction 101….101 words with a last sentence shock showing the theme.
More or less inspired by booksie author dubL…one of his wonderful poems reminded me of the song Sundown by Gordon Lightfoot.
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Submitted: May 15, 2008
Reads: 200
Comments: 34
Likes: 15
I watched her first tear drop. One leading tear drop tracking a shadow down her insipid china white skin searching for warmth in the gap of her engaging bosom. The tear drop stings as it leisurely strolls. I wish I could tell her that she’s treasured. She most likely won’t believe me. Her pale blue eyes stammer stubbornly. She is my kindred spirit and I watch as she arches her back rolling her head backwards. That’s her trick to keep the tears in, I know her too well. Distantly a meadow lark sings.
This mirror will go out in today’s trash.
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Comments:
COOL! ^_^
I think this is a fantastic write!
Ya I see the kid 'dubl' do some learning tricks with one of his poems. I've also seen your's be disciphered and I thought 'HOW COOL" so then I start looking a little deeper you know?
I seen someone else do one of these which could only have so many words and apparently it's not real easy to do.
That disciphering stuff that like Matthew has done with some of your poems is SO curious to me.
one day I will have to delve a little deeper in thought to understand.
yackity, yack yack LOl! ANYWAY...
LOVE this write......katie ^_^
Posted: May 15, 2008
that was pretty cool. i thought it was finally time i checked out something by you. i always felt bad when i read one of your comments cus i never read any of your stuff. i'm glad i did. take care.
Lydia_xxxx
Posted: May 15, 2008
Very nice. There's a Hemingwayan flavor to the snippet, slightly more poetic, or dare I say, feminine.
Posted: May 15, 2008
Classy, this is pure poetry! So identifiably feminine, such a window into your soul. I'm totally intrigued by the whole 101 concept. I've never come across it before reading your pieces! Expertly done. Really captivating. I read it over and over and felt an overwhelming sense of womanhood (?)
Posted: May 16, 2008
Brilliant. I love the challenge of the short, short story. I agree with some of the others, yours is very poetic. Nice little twist too. Well done.
Posted: May 16, 2008
:] this is by far my favorite flash fiction you've done peach. It's honestly amazing. You have a brilliant mind and i'm glad that i get to read what goes on in it. thanks for noting me as well :D
Posted: May 16, 2008
Aewsome Peach! All I can do it just grin. Loved the ending, of course! Ha! And I just love the idea of your FF101, but dang! I'm so over thinking it. I wish I was light and breezy like you. *sigh* I'm impressed as always.
Posted: May 16, 2008
I just loved it! I never knew that such a form of literature as Flash Fiction existed - imagine being able to tell a tale in just 101 words! I don't think I could ever do that. I am going to utilize this weekend to read more of your work - it is quite inspiring.
Posted: May 17, 2008
Beautiful write Peachy Babe, poetic and like a soft breeze. 17 thumbs up.
Posted: May 17, 2008
Aw, what a great little ending! You had me caught, a spider in the web, classy! I need to play catch up with your 101 stories. ~ Nixie
Posted: May 17, 2008
hello peachy, more wonderful work from your beautiful mind. this is really poetic, such a beautiful way of describing what could be a tear or a tear, both meanings of the world. Mirrors are our projection onto the world. we r like mirrors in that people look at the face looking back at them. For me this poem type 101 fiction flash image…as so many elements. the play on the word tear/tear really enforces this. A tear/tear in the mirror or a tear/tear in the soul?
If im talking rubbish let me know, but ive read this piece several time now and I keep finding a new meaning lurking beneath the calmness of your pen!
Posted: May 17, 2008
OH My Goodness!!! HaH! ^_^
well, that is amazing!!!!!
I sure could not guess that tear/tear whatever.
it is just amazing the insight he has to your poetry.
and I know this is a story but poetic still!
well and then the meadow lark....don't tell me cause I am sure Matthew will guess at that too LOL!!
Ya, I am interested in this deciphering, not that i would be good at it myself, but it is very interesting to me. ^_^
thankx to both of you Classy, and Matthew ~katie ^_^
Posted: May 17, 2008
WOW! I love it. It shows such emotion and really give me a great visual about what you are writing about. Wonderful Job. Keep it up my friend. :)
Posted: May 17, 2008
I love it. I actually love this version better than 'The Mistress'. Classic Poetry.
Posted: May 20, 2008
very kewl!.... was just poking around and found this piece... I gotta try this and see what I can come up with... I too have learned a lot from the writers here... so if I understand correctly it is 101 words and the last line describes what the other words are trying to say?...
you'll have to forgive me for my age keeps me from understanding things at times... what was my name again?...oooooooo yes that's right...ddrandall!... (lucky for me it's at the top of this comment so I don't have to strain too hard)...LOL...write on my friend!
Posted: May 21, 2008
You seek the empathy in the observation...trying to merge with it and understand it..while the instance is punctuated with the moment...the lark's tongue...tears thru the reality of the moment...love the seemingly throw away line that holds the hopelessness....it will do her u no good...Classy baby Classy...
Posted: May 21, 2008
You have a very sharp mind (for a blond) HAHAHAHA I'm joking babe! Nicely done.
Posted: May 23, 2008
Okay....Lemme give my dumb brain some exercise.....
The author is trying to decipher her 'own' feelings and tryng to hide something from her own self....which will always be impossible....where can we run away from our insecurities and fear lurking within us??
Am i blabbering??
Does it make ANY sense....lol
Posted: Jun 4, 2008
---
One leading tear drop tracking a shadow down her insipid china white skin searching for warmth in the gap of her engaging bosom. The tear drop stings as it leisurely strolls.
---
This alone could have been the post. It keeps me wanting more. I suggest combining these two sentences very dramatic and visual which I always like. Maybe start with the second and lead into the first
example:
A tear drop stings as it leisurely strolls tracking a shadow down her insipid china white skin searching for warmth in the gap of her engaging bosom.
that is a little intense your words and description is engaging.
Posted: Jun 10, 2008
Now I know what flash fiction is:) I liked it. The twist was good.
Posted: Jun 11, 2008
Wow! This is really great. Especially the way you ended it. Wonderful job. :)
Posted: Jun 15, 2008
Peach I only need scroll through your reads and I find another jewel to admire...loved it;)
'She arches her back rolling her head backwards.' You are amazing with visuals Classy, I see it plain as day.
Only it's not plain at all. It's erotic, sexy, beautiful, tempting, and more all at once! Like a dance~a mini moment in motion for me;)
'I wish I could tell her that she's treasured.'
~rain
Posted: Jun 18, 2008
I didn't see the whole moment as a dance though, only the part where she rolls back her head to hold the tears in...the rest to me is an insightful moment where you look within your self to see a profound truth, almost seeing it outside your self as a seperate entity in an attempt to take it in; and acknowledge it at last...still to admit it wonte change the outcome...(hope that wasn't too confusing, it's really a complex subject matter)really love it, ~rain
Posted: Jun 19, 2008
Oh my, this was a fantastic write. I've never run across the 101 idea before. I may have to give it a try. I love a good challenge.
I really liked the way you painted this picture in my mind.
Posted: Jul 1, 2008
Excellent. I especially like the plaintive Meadow Lark at the end.
Posted: Jul 22, 2008
This is an amazing piece of work! There is such depth and substance in so few lines, it is truly inspiring! You have a gift, and I am on my way to read your other posted works right now!
Posted: Aug 6, 2008
That was awesome.
Don't need to comment really. It was perfect.
Your writing is very subtle, yet very intense. Wildly imaginative, yet very disciplined. Damn good.
Posted: Aug 13, 2008
You've got such a wonderful control of words! You've crafted a great short story with just a handful of 'em. Arguably more tricky than poetry (or perhaps just different tricks?), would love to see more of these from you, Peach! Terrific!
Posted: Aug 27, 2008
I've never read anything like this--pretty kewl!!!!
Posted: Aug 27, 2008
Anastasia Starlena
(not registered user)
What a wonderful write I was intrigued. I don't know much about flash fiction. I will have to try and figure it out lol. This was very good though.
Posted: Oct 7, 2008
Sundown you better take care if I find
you've been creeping round my back stairs.
Sometimes; I think it's a sin; when I feel
that I'm winning and I'm loosing again.
She is looking like a queen in a sailor's
dream...getting lost in her loving is the
first mistake. She's a hard loving woman;
got me feeling' mean... Sundown la,la,de dum.
He was high on something when he wrote that
song... He was born and raised in the same
small town area as myself. Poor Gordon.
Your story is extremely interesting and
leaves thoughts in a turmoil. I suspect
the "meadowlark" singing means the lady
is fine and new love is in bloom. Great
read. Kind Regards.
Posted: Nov 7, 2008
Hi Peach.... delicate, feeling and aching, comprised of tenderness, the reflective knowing soul....
Posted: Nov 20, 2008
Oh! Classy, this is simply lovely!!!! So profound.... and yet the beauty and the pain spills over just like her tears... i've read it several, several times right now and still i want to read it again.
Personally, i've given up weeping in my own life but yes the very mention of tears touches something inside...
This is both poetry and prose... what a vivid and intriguing description! So Peach,,, Exactly what is the significance of that meadow lark's song? Oh, I know that there are no exact meanings in poetry still i'll love to understand the symbolism here.
Amazing work!!! For a while, i'll like to tell you that you are treasured...
Posted: Nov 20, 2008
With only 101 words to tell a story, you can tell your words were chosen carefully. It reminds me of something Ernest Hemingway would write. He carefully chose every word to tell his stories. He was more one for description and setting details but still...I hope you get the point. Each word fits like an intrigate piece of a puzzle. The last line was a plot twist. I never suspected she was looking at her own reflection.
As an English teacher, I think this would be a wonderful exercise for my students to do during class, especially when working with the Fiction genre. Could I have permission to use it as an example for my students?
Great work!
Katherine Taylor
Posted: Nov 24, 2008
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