Life as a celebrity is hard. People always following you, wanting to know what you are up to, paparazzi's cameras are crammed down my throat, and people always meddling in my life. Sometimes I wish I was an average Joe.
I hear people talking about me. I see it everywhere. Always saying "I saw her on the news." Or "She is on the cover of this magazine." I want to go over and tell them that most of the crap that is written about celebrities are fake. But if I did go over there and tell them I would blow my cover. I can't even be myself when I go out.
"Is Penelope Hanson relapsing? Will she have to go back to rehab? Find out on E! News at 10." At that point I shut of the television. I can feel my hot tears flow from my eyes. I scream at the top of my lungs and throw the remote control at the wall. I watch it as it shattered into a million pieces. My life is like that remote control, my life is broken and needs to be fixed. I go on hotwire and book myself a trip to Maui. I need to get out of L.A. I need to make my escape. I need a break from my overly stressed life.
I wish people would not meddle with my heart or mind. They don't know what is inside. They don't know what they will find. They don't know what I hide. Hollywood just chewed me up but it won't spit me out. I am stuck in this vortex. You have to have thick skin to make it in this business. You can feel the judgment wherever you go. People are always talking about you. Your life will become a circus. Your life spins out of control. If you cannot keep your head above water you may just drown. Your career will go down the toilet with your dignity. If you slip up it can end your career.
Life as a celebrity is not easy. People are always judging you. People smother you with cameras. People will suffocate you with their lies. At the point of no return that is when it hits a celebrity they turn to substance as a way to get away. I did that. I became a headline story all over America. "Penelope Hanson found dead in the Maui Hilton hotel. Sources say she overdosed on an over the counter pain killer." Hollywood made me end my life. Hollywood made a lot of celebrities lose their sensibility of sanity and they end up like me, dead.