The Show- mid December. “Hey zero, hey…Zero wake up.” I could hear Logen whispering out side my window. He slowly begun to crack the window open as I lay in bed half aware of what was happening. The window opens wide. I saw one of his hands reach in and hold on to the window frame. He jumped up on the window quietly then bounced on to my bed from of his perch. He felt cold.

            He was sitting on top of me as he kept feeling for my face so he could talk to it. “Zero, Zero…were the fuck are you?” he giggled as he desperately searched for my face in the darkness. “Dude stop. Stop. I’m right here I’m awake, what?” I say with a squeak as I grab his hands. His hands were icy in mine. I could feel his legs shiver as he sat on top of me. He climbed off me and yanked the covers of so he could cover him self. “Hey fuck you dude.” I say as quietly as I can while still making my point.

            “Shut up dude I’m fuckin' cold, shit at least I came to find your ass I could of left you behind.”

            “What are you talking about?”
            “Get your shit on Zero we’re going out to this dude Oscar’s house. He’s having a show and fuckin TOKYO ELECTRON is fuckin playing! So come with me.”

            “It’s almost midnight bro plus I can’t leave it’s a school night.”

            “Shut the fuck up you puss get your shit on, it’ll be bad, you know the chances that they would ever play here are? Fuckin none but they’re here, so come on dude your like the only person I’d take any way.”

 My eyes were starting to adjust better to the light I couldn’t see Logen's face but I could tell he was looking at me. He had a weird way of turning all sweet and nice on you, just in the nick of time. He really wasn’t as harsh as people thought; he was a pussy cat for sure.

            I jumped out of bed wearing nothing more then my boxers a San Diego t-shirt and one sock. I was freezing. Logen hadn’t closed the window cuz I figure he wanted to get out through there. He was still wrapped up in my comforter as I scrambled around my room looking for some damn pants to wear. I found something that was pants and my shoes. I put them on clumsily and found my hoodie on the floor. “It’s fuckin cold out bro you’re gonna need more then that.” I hear him say from the darkness of my bed. He turns on my bed side table lamp so I can see. I see him squint his eyes as I shield mine. I find a long-sleeved shirt and put that on followed by my hoodie and a thick gray and blue wool scarf I found in johns closet. I could see my hair was messy from the shadow the lamp cast on the wall.

            We got to the show after skateing from my house to “The Barn” in the icy darkness. My face was red and I couldn’t feel my ears. Logen jumped around and breathed into his hands as I tried to tuck my hands in my pockets. He was smiling an enormous smile as we walked closer to the dilapidated house. “FUCKIN TOKYO ELECTRON DUDE!” he screamed as he grabbed and hugged me. He jumped aided by my shoulder as he told me how “stocked” he was.

There was a bunch of people standing outside the house that looked like Logen only older, with tattoos, piercing, tight pants, leather jackets, and spiky hair. There were guys and girls crowded in circles drinking and smoking cigarettes. People laughed loud, and screamed cuss words like adjectives. Dirty jokes and crued comments were always greeted with a laugh. Drunk girls in heels struggled to keep their balance in the uneven terrain as like wise inibreated guys cought them and fondled them. A group of kids sat on the roof with their feet dangleing down to the crowed as they threatened to spit on people below. A shirtless girl ran around while no one paid even the slightest bit of intrest in her pierced nipples. I never even knew that many people lived in town.

Logen and I stopped close to the front door as he took out a bottle and his pouch of tobacco and began to roll a cigarette. I had started smoking a little so he gave me the cigarette to light. “Here dude.” he said as I put the cigarette in my mouth and he brought out his Zippo. I puffed on the skinny cigarette while I looked at his eyes. They were a weird misty jade green surrounding an orange and yellow starburst around a deep black pupil. They were so much different then my own eyes. Mine were nothing more then a blue pool, no interesting swirls or color changes just blue. How sad…for him. I got to see the strange universe in his starry eyes and he got to see a back yard pool. “Oh get what else? I got a bottle. Yay-ah.” He said with a crooked smile and a lifted brow. He was always so exreamly animated. His facial expressions, his body, even his voice. He opened it and with the same magic as the first time bubbled the vodka down. I smoked my cigarette waiting for Logen to claim it back so I could get a slam of the bottle. 

            People started walking into the house and Logen put the bottle back in his jacket. We walked into what was a concrete room with a poorly made wooden stage in front of a bunch of old couches and broken TV’s, speakers and other random crap. We walked into the crowded room and Logen tied to shove his way to the front as he draged me by the arm. It was loud. People chating, music playing, glass breaking. I felt exhilarated. My blood was pumping fast through my body.

 The guitar roared feed back, and people started yelling. I could hear some one yell “Fuck Yeah!” really loud and every one started moving more and more. Logen pulled me harder and held on to the neck of my hoodie. He stared only at the stage, as we moved through the crowd. “Fuckin little shit!” I hear a blonde girl with a cherry blossom tree tattoo on her chest, say as we pass her; he did the same to me once I thought.

 A guy walked up to the microphone and the place exploded. we were about as close as we were ever gonna get so Logen stoped. “Hey every one say thanks to the Fudge City Packer (the crowed screams)…and we are TOKYO ELECTRON!” the guy screamed into the microphone. Logen screamed “fuckin a” and started to violently bang his head and jump around. He put his arm around my neck and continued to jump around. The music screams all around me, the energy is too much, I jump around with him. The music driped into my brain like a poison making me move and feel difrently.I could feel every cord surge through me, it was intense. Logen dranks from the bottle and handed it to me I drank and hand it back as we jump and scream and push other motherfuckers around!

The air was thick and humid and smells like a Hungarian sauna. I could taste the salt and the sound in the air. The crystal palace ran down my chin and the sweat down my chest. My ears throbed and I can barely make out what they are saying, but I could hear the drums, and I can hear the bass, and guitar scream. People crashed into me from every direction and the way I was moving I crash into them. The madness goes on for about 30 minutes. The singer came back up to the microphone tells every one thank you, the crowed cheered and screams for one more. They laugh and tell us to fuck off.

            “Hey I’ve never seen you here, how old are you?” I hear a tall girl with curly candy red  hair ask as I walk out of the house. She was wearing thick pink framed glasses the kind people in the 50’s wore, in front of a pair of bambi deer brown eyes. Her lips wer painted a bright red and her nose was small and a little turned up. She was skinny and as tall as I was; her shirt was low cut so you could see a lot of cleavage and two tattoos of nautical stars on her shoulders. “Who me?” I asked as I looked at her chest.

            “Yeah are you new in town.” She said, as she drank from a Mickey’s Ice 40oz.

            “No I’m from here I just never been to these things.”

            She smiles at me and hands me some of her beer. I take it. “So like how old are you? You look like you’re fuckin 14, aren’t you too young to be out so late?”

            “No! How old are you?”

            “Older then you at least I can buy my own smokes, you little prike” She smiles big at me as she gives me weird sassy looks. I couldn’t tell if she was being mean to me or being flirty so I smile back and tell her I’m 17. She looked at me with a smile but eyes of disbelief. I could tell she didn’t think I was 17. Her eyes looked honest, and her voice desperate, like if she had to speak to survive. She didn’t talk too much but when she did every one noticed.

 Aksana walked up with Logen. He jumped toward me and hung on to my neck. “FUCKIN THAT WAS SICK!” Logen screamed as Aksana said hi to the girl I was talking to. “Oh you’re little Sid’s friend.” The girl told me and took another drink. “Oh shit Lez! Wuz up.” Logen said and gave the girl a big hug.

 Lesley also known as Lez was the type of chick that knew every one, she was the kind of girl that talked to all the “cool people” the girl that was always invited to every thing. She was 18 years old and called Logen, Sid cuz he reminded her (and apparently every one else) of Sid Vicious from The Sex Pistols. Her and her ex boyfriend had been in a band with Logen and she knew him pretty well. She kept handing me her 40oz and smiling while still talking shit. I kept drinking it, she was nice. 

            The sun was about to come up you could see the darkness fade away slowly. We had been there for a couple of hours, and the only people that would talk to me were Logen, Aksana, and Lez. Logen knew practicly every one there, which made me feel awkward. Every one would stear at me like if I were Napoleon’s severed penis in a glass case; odd and from a distance. I followed Logen around as he talked to every one there not letting him more then 5 steps away from me. “I wanna you know do like another band, but I wanna do it more folky. I wanna do like a Woody Gunthrie meets The Cramps, type of thing you know.” One of the dude from the bands told Logen. I felt absolutely fucking useless. I must of looked twice as foolish. Standing around not saying a word. I didn’t even know half the shit they would talk about. Forigne words would spill out of their mouths, Link Wray, Estrus records, Gonner Fest, Blood Stains Across Sweadn. Flashy words I knew the meaning of individualy but together the syntax of it was lost. I listened hard, trying to gather so that I may then mimic in a later conversation. “yeah I know Link Wray at Goner Fest was so bad ass. yeah I know I was tottaly there.” I heard myself saying at some future time. Little did I know that Link Wray never played Goner Fest in his life, but in all fairness I didn’t even know what Goner Fest was or Link Wray.

 He was so graceful and well liked. He smiled and told jokes and all the older kids would laugh and pat him on the back. girls would hug him and tell him how cute he was, guys would hand him bottles and beer to drink.   

We finaly sat down in a room with cushions on the floor, and what looked like a lot of cigar boxes. There was a lonley red light bulb in a socket in the middle of the celing. Aksana and Lez had been sitting there drinking out of a 12 pack of Pabst beer. The girls talked among them selves and Logen and I decided to talk in our own corner of the room. I was drunk and a little woozy so I laid down. I was out of my element. All my sences were on edge. It felt great. Nothing about my situation was boaring, or preditabel, like my old life.  

Aksana and Lez kept leaning into each other drunk. They would whisper in each others ears. There were still some people there playing guitar, laughing. I picked my self up from the floor and kneeled over to get one last beer. I was stumblely and the room was spinning. My pants were falling of my ass, and then. I felt Lez pull down my pants. “Look what a nice ass Zero has.” Lez told Aksana. Aksana giggled and jumped to me trying to do the same. “Cut it out. Damn it.” I laugh, but not on purpose. The two rowdy girls sat back down next to each other to giggle some more. “You two should just make out already.” Logen said as he sat up and crawled to their lap staring up wide eyed and hopeful. “Come on one little kiss, that’s it, what’s a kiss between friends, ladies really?” Logen whispers at the girls while lying on their lap making kissy faces. The girls stop giggling and look at each other. “Ok…..but only on one condition you have to kiss Zero first.” Lez proclaims proudly as Aksana gives her a high five. “Ok but I gotta see some tongue.” He smiles turning back to me.

“No wait, what the fuck I’m not gonna kiss you dude!”

“Shut up just do it.”
”No way dude. I’m not gay.”

“Neither am I mother fucker, now pucker up”

            Logen jumped on top of me and stares me right in the eyes. He’s smirked a wicked smile and his eyes were full of deviance. I futilely scrambled around trying to scoot away from him, he grabed me by the wrist and pulled me forward closer to him. The girls hollered at him to catch me and to “give me a good one.” The room felt tiny like if it was getting smaller. Nothing in life had prepeared me for a moment like this. I thought back to when I was a little kid watching ninja turtule, sitting there lerning lessons; never talk to strangers, report suspisous activity, and if your friends do something wrong don’t get involved.

As I thought about that Nancy Regan and Mr.T popped into my head, giving me their wise, indespensibel advice, “just say no.” At that moment I became angry. I became angry at them “Fuck you Ms.Regan and fuck you Mr. T.” Their snake oil solution to all of lifes little predicaments was a little short comeing. “No. How ridicoulous!” I thought looking back at the ill concived commercials of the exeptionaly odd pair. Who ever made that up must have been born already 45 years old with a wife and 3 kids! Logen forced me down to the floor with one quick push. “dude calm the fuck down. It’ll be fine.” He whispered kindly to me as I laid on the floor stearing frigtened at his feral eyes.  

            I held my breath as I looked at him. My body tightened up. I felt like if I were a baby lamb and this lion was about to have me for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I was frozen.Why was I not closing my eyes? He grabbed the back of my head and dove into my lips. I could feel the soft wet pillows of his mouth on mine. I closed my eyes. His mouth was barely open and his tongue stuck out. I opened mine just a tad as he penetrated me with his tongue. I could taste vodka on him.  I then finally closed my eyes. I caught myself biting his bottom lip softly feeling it with my tongue as he felt the inside of my mouth with his. He kissed just like a girl, softly and patiently. He helding on to my head strongly with one hand and laid his other arm under my neck, as he pined me down to the floor. My arms were around him hugging him close. What was I doing? I couldn’t think. I drifted in and out of lucidity. I let my guard down. It was too late.

He pulled away and looked me in the eyes again. I must of looked dumb-founded, my eyes glassy and starry. He smiled and chuckled that laugh when no one gets what’s so funny, but I knew. I knew exactly what he was laughing about. I blushed. “Whoow, that was hot!” Lez hooted. Logen turned around to face her and grabed me by the neck close as he threw one leg over my lap. “Yeah we know.” he smiled at her. Aksana and Lez lived up to their part of the deal as promised, but I couldn’t think straight, no pun intended. I saw Lez’s hand going up Aksana’s skirt. But I was still in shock. I saw Aksana feel up Lez’s gorgeous big titts but I wasn’t with it. Logen laid on the cushions next to them staring up smiling and trying to cop a feel at every chance.
After the show- the girls had gone home and Logen and I were left to walk home. I laid on the cushions on the floor waiting for Logen. He made the rounds talking to every one he could and they would grab him and laugh and tell him not to leave. Oscar and his room mates (the guys in the band Fudge City Packers) told him that they would adopt him and he could live with them. This made Logen smile. I was alone; no one wanted to adopt me. No one wanted me to stay really, really bad. I was just another face in the crowded room, not like Logen he was a shining light in himself.

            We walked outside with our boards in hand. The twilight was begining to fade and only a few lonely stars stayed in the sky enjoying the last little bits of the night. I hadn’t talked to Logen the rest of the night, but he didn’t seem to notice since every one else had. I kept thinking about us kissing. The image kept crawling into my head as if I were dead and my spirit was looking over us, like in the movies. My eyes were open half the time, wide open scared. Logen looked placid and serene; I could see his lightly blushed cheeks next to mine. I looked stupid! I’m pretty trashed it’s whatever, so what if it was with Logen, Logen started it any ways, he shouldn’t be coming on to me like that if he doesn’t like it. I shook my head hard so the image would go away, and Logen noticed. He laughed and said “what the fuck?” in that, rhetorical-question-and-its-not-meant-to-be-answered tone.

“What the fuck…what the fuck was that back there?” I ask shyly and softly.

“What was what, I didn’t see anything, what did it look like?” Logen asked me intrigued looking down at the ground as if he was looking for something.
            “No not like that. Like what was that in there….in front of Lez and Aksana?” I look down at the barely lit ground trying to avoid Logen’s stare. I’m sure he wouldn’t want to answer I’m sure he was just drunk. Maybe that’s the way I should play it of. I heard Logen chuckle. “Oh….don‘t worry about that shit. Ha, that’s just…uh like whatever. People do it all the time. it’s just like a shock thing I guess, like wearing a swastika, or shiting on stage like GG Allen don’t worry bro, you shouldn’t get all bent out of shape about it, no one sees it as something bad there any way.” The answer didn’t please me. It didn’t satisfy me. I wanted more but I dare not say another word. I didn’t want to get answer I didn’t like. I just wanted to hear that I wasn’t…I don’t know alone.

            We rode home fast. We didn’t stop to talk much. I was too scared to speak. We both snuck into my back yard and Logen jumped to his yard quietly. I heard the door open and then close behind him. I didn’t want him to go, and leave me all alone I wanted him to stay a little longer. I was never quite the same alone. There were no birds to sing that morning, not this time of the year. I took the little rolled cigarette from behind my ear and lit it with the pink liter Lez had given me earlier. I leaned against the wall. The fragile glow of the still hidden sun made my eyes squint as I inhaled deeply. I though. I waited for what seemed like forever waiting for the sun to warm me up, to give me light, to…any thing.

            I quietly opened my window, and climbed in carefully. “GENE! How long have you been out! Where the hell have you been, I’ve been worried! You are in so much trouble!” my mother yelled from a dark corner in my room. She stood up and grabbed me by the arm hard as I climbed through the window. “Where have you been?! Who have you been with ANSWER ME!” she yelled at me. I stared at her with out saying a word. I was shocked. I got caught! “You’ve been smoking! And you smell like booze! Well were the hell have you been Gene? Answer me!” she shook me harder as she looked me straight in the eyes. Her blue eyes were consumed with fire, she had been crying. “No where! Leave me alone, I just went out for a walk!” I pulled away from her she was silent.

            “You smell like booze and cigarettes you didn’t just go out for a walk.”

            “No I don’t I just went for a walk!”

            “Well till you can tell the truth you are grounded, you understand?” she started walking out of my room, I watch her and as she opened my door. I yelled “Fuck you.” She turns around, walked toward me and slapped me. It hurt. “Fuck you you’re a bitch you can’t tell me what to do!” I screamed while I cry. I could see Tyler peeking out of his room as Sean cried. “Go back in your room Tyler!” my mother yells as she picks up a crying Sean and walks back to her room. I flopped on my bed hard, tears flooding my face. The sun had finally come out. Every thing looked the same even in the new suns light. I had enough. Fuck her, fuck her rules, fuck every thing.

            I got up from my bed and climed back out my window. there was only one reasonable place I could go at this time; Logens house. His mom had left to work probably about half an hour ago so I knew I was safe.

The thin spread of dew on the ground and cars was now frosted frozen. I walked into Logen’s frosty house. The dryer was on and Logen was in his room. I opened the sliding doors to the laundry closet and claimed in the warm room. I sat there for about 20 minutes drifting in and out of day dreams, and reality, Listening to the lullaby of the dryer spinning and rocking me to sleep. The delicate smell of warm laundry soap floated around me, as I let my eye lids drop. The blaten coldness outside made me glad that this was were I had choosen to sit. Only the shimmering light seeping in through the crack between the door and the wall existed. Memories of the night flew in unexpectingly. Songs crept into my head. The chours lines of songs I had never heard played in loop.

            Logen woke up and walked out of his room in a pair of blue plaid pajama pants and no shirt. He walked to the living room and sat down on the floor with his back on the couch. I opened my eyes slightly feeling them havey and trying to fight me to go back to sleep. I watched Logen silently not paying too much attention. I would open the door later and scare him I thought to myself, but for now I would enjoy the solitude and peace of the little closset.

 

 He rested his head on the seat of the couch as he positioned him self comfortably on the floor. He blinked a little but kept his eyes mostly closed. He sat there a while not moveing much just sitting, yawning and streaching every now and then. The muscles of his ribs and stomach undulated as he moved. He kept his head facing up to the ceiling. He had a sleepy look on his face and he moved sluggishly. His already slightly slanted green eyes squinted in the dawn light. I didn’t move I just watched. Something about seeing people in their natural habitat I guess.

 He sighed, and shuffled around a bit then just as I watched quietly, patiently hidden behind the doors of the cozy closet, he reaches down into his pants. My body tightened up and I was awake. I stoped breathing for a second. I blushed and found my self increasingly embarrassed of what I was doing. Why was I not closing my eyes? Why do I not jump out? He brought out to my surprise a long stiff member, perfectly formed with no unusual curves or odd colors. Just a thick, long, pink, dick. Logen’s eyes closed as he stroked his cock softly, smoothly, rhythmically. He stretched his legs and toes separating them like a fan as he jerked off. There was nothing vulgar about his actions for some reason. Something about it was beautiful, raw, passionate. My embaressment begunt to fade. I figured I was safe in my little hole, in Logen’s wall. He begun to arch his back still with his eyes closed shut facing the cottage cheese textured ceiling. His eye brows would squint and arch at a moments notice.

I tried to keep my breath regular so he wouldn’t hear me. My blood rushed, my hands sweat and just as I heard Logen begin to let out louder repetitive sighs, my dick gots hard. I ran my hands hard down my lap to satisfy the enormous force in my penis. I squinted my eyes hard, griting my teeth. Logen’s tussled dark brown hair stuck to his forehead from the dazzling beads of crystalline sweat. I was transfixed. Rendered completely useless; a sloppy pool of lust and desperation. I couldn’t move. All I could do was press my face against the silver line letting me observe him. Why? How could this be? I’ve heard that straight guys get turned on by shit like that…so it’s like totally normal, I’ve heard.     

So there I was and there he was with his Persian cat green eyes, chiseled jaw line and the shadow of facial hair I wish I had. He moved up from the semi dark patch of curly hairs to the smooth pink tip and back. He sped up biting his plump bottom lip. I trembled shaken and vulnerable, I watch. My breath got heavier his breathing deepened to the point of sound. Moaning just a little bit. I want to let out a long deep sigh, any thing to lighten myself of all this pressure. My dick throbs, I couldn’t touch. I was immobile; all I could do was fidget with the coarse fabric of my pant leg. I rub and rub, index finger to thumb over and over making my fingers numb, raw. I anxiously rub faster. CLIMAX GOD DAMN IT! I’m waiting…I need to see the cum shot. I need to see it end.

            He opens his mouth. He was going about as fast as he could. His biceps and forearm are tensed and I can see every muscular detail. The vains of his hands throb, his toes begin to curl, his breath so hard you can practicly see the steam. I pant a little, catching myself and forcing my mouth shut with both hands. I press myself harder against the door, so hard I could squirm out through the crack. Then out of his wet open mouth a trembling, AHHHHHH. A pearl stream of jizz flew in the air followed by a few shimmering drops and lands on his chest and stomach. He clenches his free hand holding on to his pants for dear life. His butt clenched and I could see the perfect lines of his ass, in fact I could see every muscle as he tightens up. Jesus Christ! I can feel the muscle between my legs throbbing I can’t stop licking my lips and then he opens his eyes, lets out two quick sights followed by one long one as he stares up at the ceiling. I breath out too, my eyes open wide and I’m paralyzed.

He grabs a white t-shirt from of the couch and roughly cleans up the pool of cum from his belly stopping in the valleys of his 4 pack to pick up the rest. He throws the shirt back on the couch as he looks out the window of the living room, I’m assuming to see if any one was coming. His still hard dick standing alone and uncovered. I’m still hard and my heart is beating faster then his hands moved. Now what how the hell am I gonna get out of this closet with out Logen noticing? Logen jumped up as his penis bounces back in his pants. With his square hands he combed back the damp mop of hair, shaking it so it looks messy. He got up and walked to his room for a cigarette.