Sociology - A
significant event in my life.
One of the most
important events in my life is when I realized my sexuality. I
was raised a Lutheran and had never know the mystery of the
Lesbian lifestyle. Later I would find out all on my own. I was a
relatively shy child and had a few select friends, many of which
were females. I was about ten years old when I realized that I
had more than feelings of friendship for her. The feelings I was
beginning to have were hard to conceal, and she knew before I
could even describe what was happening.
My youth from then on
was much different from any other girl, as I had no interest in
pursuing boys or feminine things. Because I was never exposed to
a same-sex relationship, and had never seen it in the media, I
had no word or will to define myself. Throughout the rest of my
childhood I kept my sexuality a secret to my friends and parents.
When I turned 13 I was exposed to my first observation of a
Lesbian relationship. When I first saw the couple and heard that
they were in fact Lesbians, I was relieved to know that I was not
alone. My world changed and for the first time I could know true
My happiness came from
the closeness of a friend who called herself Bisexual, yet
another revelation. I could express my appreciation for her
without being shunned or abandoned for my actions. I could tell
her that I thought she was beautiful and she would not find me
strange or wrong. Though my advances were ignored and rejected, I
wasn't hurt that she didn't like me; because I had experienced
something of what I had always desired.
From this experience,
I felt comfortable enough to tell my secret. The very first
people I told were only my closest friends, because to friends
this is only a joke. My parents didn't know for at least a year
and a half. Eventually I wouldn't be able to hold it in as I
discovered my first and only real love, Elizabeth. I watched her
from afar for a long time, simply admiring and nothing more. She
was unattainable, irresistible, and a challenge that had to be
seized. I found myself lost in her, and when I found she too had
asked about me to my friends, I was exuberant. We met soon
afterward, a sort of set-up planned by our friends. Though we
acted as if we didn't enjoy it, but really we were enamored with
each other. Elizabeth, blushing radiantly, attempted to hide her
attraction; but it could not be helped.
We fell for each other
quickly, and by the end of the day I had asked her to be my
girlfriend, and she said yes. Everyday we spent together after
school, in class, was unreal. I was obsessed with her utterly and
completely. We talked on the phone for hours at a time, laughing.
I wrote her poetry, and gave her gifts she later cherished. We
exchanged rings to show our affection, and it seemed like it
would never end.
We dated from April
to July, until the day she called to tell me she needed a
break. I was okay with it, partly because I didn't know what
she meant. Then it would hit me and my world would spiral down,
until I couldn't bear thinking of her without tearing up. She
had been my first and last kiss, my first love. I sulked day in
and day out, until finally I had no more tears to cry.
I went on with life,
and when school came around she was dating a boy. And she told
me she thought she was pregnant. She wasn't of course, but it
still hurt me. And so I watched her from afar, knowing there
was nothing I could do to get her back. And then she was gone,
But I was not. I
still felt the same love for her and occasionally I think of
her and shed a tear.
Will I love again? I
couldn't love any other but Elizabeth.