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My Life as a Lesbian

Essay By: Chrysta
Gay and lesbian



One of the most important events in my life is when I realized my sexuality...


Submitted:Sep 17, 2009    Reads: 228    Comments: 2    Likes: 1   


Sociology - A significant event in my life.
One of the most important events in my life is when I realized my sexuality. I was raised a Lutheran and had never know the mystery of the Lesbian lifestyle. Later I would find out all on my own. I was a relatively shy child and had a few select friends, many of which were females. I was about ten years old when I realized that I had more than feelings of friendship for her. The feelings I was beginning to have were hard to conceal, and she knew before I could even describe what was happening.
My youth from then on was much different from any other girl, as I had no interest in pursuing boys or feminine things. Because I was never exposed to a same-sex relationship, and had never seen it in the media, I had no word or will to define myself. Throughout the rest of my childhood I kept my sexuality a secret to my friends and parents. When I turned 13 I was exposed to my first observation of a Lesbian relationship. When I first saw the couple and heard that they were in fact Lesbians, I was relieved to know that I was not alone. My world changed and for the first time I could know true happiness.
My happiness came from the closeness of a friend who called herself Bisexual, yet another revelation. I could express my appreciation for her without being shunned or abandoned for my actions. I could tell her that I thought she was beautiful and she would not find me strange or wrong. Though my advances were ignored and rejected, I wasn't hurt that she didn't like me; because I had experienced something of what I had always desired.
From this experience, I felt comfortable enough to tell my secret. The very first people I told were only my closest friends, because to friends this is only a joke. My parents didn't know for at least a year and a half. Eventually I wouldn't be able to hold it in as I discovered my first and only real love, Elizabeth. I watched her from afar for a long time, simply admiring and nothing more. She was unattainable, irresistible, and a challenge that had to be seized. I found myself lost in her, and when I found she too had asked about me to my friends, I was exuberant. We met soon afterward, a sort of set-up planned by our friends. Though we acted as if we didn't enjoy it, but really we were enamored with each other. Elizabeth, blushing radiantly, attempted to hide her attraction; but it could not be helped.
We fell for each other quickly, and by the end of the day I had asked her to be my girlfriend, and she said yes. Everyday we spent together after school, in class, was unreal. I was obsessed with her utterly and completely. We talked on the phone for hours at a time, laughing. I wrote her poetry, and gave her gifts she later cherished. We exchanged rings to show our affection, and it seemed like it would never end.
We dated from April to July, until the day she called to tell me she needed a break. I was okay with it, partly because I didn't know what she meant. Then it would hit me and my world would spiral down, until I couldn't bear thinking of her without tearing up. She had been my first and last kiss, my first love. I sulked day in and day out, until finally I had no more tears to cry.
I went on with life, and when school came around she was dating a boy. And she told me she thought she was pregnant. She wasn't of course, but it still hurt me. And so I watched her from afar, knowing there was nothing I could do to get her back. And then she was gone, moved.
But I was not. I still felt the same love for her and occasionally I think of her and shed a tear.
Will I love again? I couldn't love any other but Elizabeth.




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