My pencil tapped against my notebook as my teacher talked. I was too busy looking out the window to care about what the teacher was saying. Outside of the window was Ryan, my boyfriend. At least, that is what he called himself when we were alone together. When we were alone, he was a sweet and charming guy, also very lewd. Yet, while in school, he ignored me, never even acknowledge my existence. Why? Maybe it was because of the fact that he's a guy, and I'm a guy. Since he's popular, he wouldn't want people to know that he had a thing for guys.
Besides secretly dating me, everyone thinks he is single. He prefers not to openly date because he doesn't want the other girls that like him become overly jealous and start bullying the girl he's dating. However, I've never once seen him actually shown an interest in a girl, even though he was constantly surrounded by pretty girls that loved to flirt with him. To keep up appearances, he flirted with them as well.
So, how did he end up taking an interest in me? Well, that's actually a very interesting story. It was during sophomore year, when I was riding my bike from school. I only live a couple of miles away, so it's easier to just ride my bike to and from school. When I got home, Ryan was in front of my house. Turns out he lived in the same neighborhood, but caught a ride with his senior buddies. At that time, I was wondering what he was doing in front of my house.
When he saw me ride up into the driveway, he flashed me a handsome smile. The kind of smile that would make a girl swoon. I blushed when I saw it because, like those girls at school, I too had a crush on Ryan. He was a very handsome guy. He had long, sandy brown hair that stopped about an inch below his shoulders; usually it was tied back, so it wouldn't get into his face. His eyes were a chocolate brown, which was a plus for me, since I liked brown eyes. He also had a nice build, since he liked to work out. Strangely though, he didn't play any sports, he just went to the gym a lot.
"Hey, uh…Michael." Ryan said when I got off my bike. He came toward me, which made me a bit nervous. We've never talked before, so this was kind of strange to just have him standing in front of my house.
"Uh, yo." I said not sure what else to say to him. "Do you need something?"
"Yeah, notes. I skipped school today to hang out with my friends. You know, it was a senior skip day today, and they just asked me to tag along. You're in Mr. Johnson's chemistry class with me, so I thought I would ask you for the notes."
"Sure." I started to dig through my book bag to get the notes.
"Can we go into your house?"
I looked up, confusion written on my face. "Huh?"
"Well, there may be a couple of things I won't understand, so it would be good if I just stay here and copy the notes. That way, if I don't understand something, you can explain it to me." Ryan started looking around as he waited for my answer.
I looked at him for a moment, shocked by his words. "Yeah, that's cool." I said while running my hands through my dark brown hair. I needed to get it cut, it was starting to get a little shaggy lately.
I opened up the garage door and put my bike inside. I invited him in, so we could get into the house through the door that connected the kitchen with the garage. After closing the garage door, and getting inside the house, I became quite nervous. I was surprised that this guy was inside my house. This just had to be a dream or something. Maybe I was hallucinating and Ryan was just a figment of my imagination. That would really explain everything.
We went upstairs to my room. I put my book bag onto my bed and started to rummage through it, trying to find my notes. I felt Ryan's presence behind me. I turned my head, so I could look at him. He was really close, I didn't even know he had moved so close to me. I nervously turned around and started to get the notebook out. "Uh, shall we go ahead and start talking about chemistry?" I asked.
"Sure." Ryan said. He sat at the end of my bed. Looking at him sitting on my bed made me feel really nervous. I wasn't really sure what to do. I sat down next to him, notebook in hand. While opening up the notebook to today's notes, Ryan leaned in closer. His breath was hot on my neck.
"Um…do you want me to get you some paper, so you can go ahead and copy them."
"Nah, I'll write them down in my head. Just read them out to me." He flashed me another smile.
I turned away from him, so I could hide my blushing. I started to read out the notes. While in the middle of reading them, Ryan put his hand on my thigh. I paused and looked at him. "Uh, Ryan?" I was so confused that I didn't know what to say.
Ryan cupped my cheek and kissed me. I'm not talking about a sweet, cheap kiss on the lips either. He used his tongue and everything. When he drew away from me, I was breathless. That was my first kiss, and it was both shocking and amazing.
"Did you like the kiss?" Ryan asked. He had a very heated look in his eyes that made my stomach start doing flips. "What's with that look? You can't say you didn't like it because I'm a guy. I know you like guys, most people do. So there's not point in denying it." That was true. I never tried to hide the fact that I liked guys, but I wasn't very flamboyant about it. Right now though, I was just confused about what was going on.
"I-I-It's not that I didn't like it. I'm just a bit surprised."
"Yeah, I bet you didn't know I liked guys with glasses." Ryan said as he took mine off and kissed me again. Ryan pushed me down onto the bed and started to mess with my belt. I was freaking out inside my head, but my body remained frozen. I wasn't sure what to do in this type of situation. Even when Ryan did get my belt undone and unzipped my pants, I just lay there.
It was no surprised that we ended up having sex. It was my first time, and I was too shock to stop it from happening. To have one of the most popular guys from school come to my house and start doing that, what else was I suppose to feel? Yet, ever since that day, he's come over when my mom's at work and we end up having sex. He says he's my boyfriend, but I just feel like a fuck buddy. Somebody that he just has sex with when he wants to. He doesn't even acknowledge me at school, so why do I allow is to happen? I've run this by many times in my head and I still can't figure out the answer.
Now, we're both seniors. He cut his hair, but hasn't really changed much. I just wish that he would at least let us pretend to be friends. That would make me happy. Oh that's right, the populars don't talk to geeks. I guess being a straight A student does have it faults. Though lately, my grades have been slipping because of me constantly thinking about Ryan. I just can't seem to get him out of my head. Constantly waiting for his calls. Waiting for him to be standing outside my house. Yearning for his kisses. His touch.
The bell rang and everyone grabbed their books. Everyone filed out of the classroom, wanting to just hurry up and leave school. "Uh, Michael, could I talk to you for a minute?" Mr. Griggs asked before I could leave. I walked over to his desk and waited for him to speak. Oh boy, my grade on the last test must have been bad. He's probably going to be like a normal teacher and ask me if there are any problems at home. "You're my best student in my class, so I would like to ask you to do me a favor. Daniel Scott from my morning class needs some help. Do you mind tutoring him?"
That caught me off guard a bit. I didn't expect this. Maybe my grade isn't dropping as bad as I thought. I shrugged my shoulders in response. "Sure, I don't mind." I said. Maybe it would help get my mind off of Ryan and how he ignores my very existence at school.
"Great. Do you mind leaving me your phone and address, so I can give it to him?"
I nodded and took out a sheet of paper. I wrote my number and address on it, then handed it him. After that was done, I left, not wanting to stick around. At the front of the school, I unlocked my bike and went home. On the way home, I was in a total daze. Before I knew it, I was already home. I did my usual routine of putting up my bike and going into the house. My book bag was thrown to the side once I was in my room. Flopping onto my bed, I waited for my phone to ring, and Ryan's name appearing on the screen.
Lately he hadn't called at all. Usually he calls me every other day and comes over. For the past two years that was the daily routine. I come home after school, I wait for Ryan to come, then he comes in and we go up to my room. In the end we always have sex, but the way it starts varies. Sometimes as soon as we are in the room, he throws himself on me, not even giving me a chance to respond. Other times I'll be studying or watching TV, and he'll start flirting with me. A kiss on the neck, a hand on my thigh, or something to that effect. Yet, for the past couple of weeks, not a single call. The reason why I can't seem to stop thinking about him.
My mother has no clue about these little "visits," but then again, how could she? She's a business woman and she's constantly going on trips. She leaves me money, so I won't go hungry or anything. Since she is always gone, I've learned to cook for myself. Cleaning as well. Mom always comes home to a clean house and a nice dinner after her business trip is over. She jokes around sometimes saying I would make a good housewife. That's probably her way of saying I would be the "girl" in the relationship.
Yes, my mother does know I'm gay. Though, sometimes I'm confused about whether she's okay with it or not. Some days, she acts like it's alright, others, she acts like she is in denial. Sometimes she even blames my father for me being the way I am. That's only when she's downed almost an entire bottle of wine. My father left us about six years ago in order to run away with his male lover. Which is one of the reasons I'm extremely surprised she doesn't beat me everyday for being gay. Then again, she's not hear most of the time. Maybe that's why she goes onto frequent trips. To get away from the son that reminds her of her husband that left her.
I sighed and rolled over onto my side. Thinking too much about stuff like that made my head hurt. It was best just not to think about. After thinking about stuff like that usually made me depressed. "Whatever." I mutter under my breath. I curled up into a ball and decided to take a nap to get my mind off things.