Chapter 3: Video Diary
As soon as Adam walked through the door, his mother could tell he was upset.
"What's wrong Ad?" his mother asked even though she had an idea that it had something to do with school.
"I was invited to another pool party" he said "And once again I won't be going." he threw his bookbag on the ground and went straight to his room. He'd done this numerous times before so his mother knew he just needed time to cool off.
Whenever Adam had a problem or he wanted to blow off steam, he would go online and post to his video diary. Sometimes he would get comments like "Go Kill Yourself Faggot!" or "Trannys Scare Me!" and other times he would get comments that said "Keep Your Head Up!" and "Don't Let People Get You Down!". He knew that the people who said mean things could never hurt him physically, but mentally they did a toll.
Adam decided that today he was going to post a video, and he didn't care what people were going to say. He needed to get his feelings out, and he didn't care what people thought.
He started the camera, looked straight into the lens and started to talk like never before.
"Hey guys, as you know this is Adam. I'm making this video today because I'm getting sick and tired of life. I know there are people out there who think I'm doing this for attention but you're wrong. Every day I have to pretend I'm somebody that I'm not. Everyday I have to wear a chest binder and have problems breathing. Every day I have to hope that my voice is deep enough or that the testosterone is making enough changes. Every day I have to hope that somebody from my past doesn't walk by me, and say "Theres that FREAK! HE IS NOT A HE, HE IS A GIRL WHO WANTS TO HAVE A DICK AND WHO ISN'T THE REAL PERSON YOU THINK HE IS!" I just sit and cry sometimes, because I know I will never be normal." the camera was filming all of his feelings and emotions. Adam sat there, paused. His pale skin and red cheeks contrasted each other. After a long silence, it was broken by his sobs. "I just want to be normal. People on the outside, they see a happy guy. Somebody who is popular and has everything he wants. The reality is that he has nothing that he wants." he cleared his throat and wiped his tears away. "Sorry for being so emotional today guys, it's been a long day. I was invited to a pool party by the most beautiful girl I have ever seen, and I won't be attending. I guess my emotions are everywhere and I just needed to tell somebody that understands. Thanks and I'll see you next time. Bye."
He turned the camera off.
He didn't want to upload this entry but he knew that if he did, there might be people out there that could feel his pain. Transgender people who knew the price they had to pay in order to be semi-happy. Adam uploaded the video and went outside. He loved the stars. They were a billion light years away, just like he wanted to be.