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Flowers of Despair

Novel By: J R Sweazey
Gay and lesbian



After a death in the family and his father suspecting him of liking a neighborhood boy, Chris decides to run away to New York with his friend, Danielle. But guilt gets the best of him and he decides to return home. When he returns, his father disowns him and Chris is at his breaking point. Along the way back to NYC, is his friend/lover who persuades him into doing drugs and other possible life threatening ordeals. View table of contents...


Chapters:

1 2

Submitted:Jul 27, 2009    Reads: 88    Comments: 12    Likes: 1   


"Bye!" I called to Julie as she left.

"Thanks, again Chris." She smiled.

The sparkle in her that I use to see when we were younger was becoming dim; as with my mother too. I guess everybody in Wellington lost it too. I know I'm not that cute boy with a grand personality anymore. I sure wish I was though. I wish for a lot of things.

I went back to my room to finish or start writing, God knows that everyone here keeps me from doing what I want. But not today, my father was at work and my mom was resting. I almost had the whole place to myself. Writing was a way for me to keep me in line. When I held that damn pen in my hand, I wasn't shaky or nervous. Maybe Julie calmed me down and helped me relax. She always could do that kind of magic on me. And so I started writing. I wrote about Julie and Michael and mama and papa. I laughed; hadn't called my father "papa" in a long time. I felt like I could write about anything, I always could. Then I heard a crash from the other end of the hallway. My mom must have dropped her breakfast my dad had made her this morning.

I rushed over to assist my mom. She was lying on the floor next to a broken bowl and spilt cereal.

"Mom?" I asked as I tried to pick her up. But there was no response. She's just hard of hearing, I hoped. "Mom!" This time I was becoming worried as she didn't respond again. "Mama!" I cried. "Mama wake up!"

"Chris?" A small voice asked. "W-What happened?" I let out a big sigh and hugged her. "Never do that again!" I scolded. "Now I'm gonna clean this mess up."

"No, you don't have to do that."

"Yes, now get back into bed and rest. I'm supposed to take you to the doctors today."

"I love you." She told me.

"I love you too mama."

I hurried and cleaned the cereal and milk and put the broken bowl in the garbage outside. There, I found an old family photo lying next to the garbage can. I folded it and put it in my pocket and went back inside. It was twelve o'clock, the doctors appointment wasn't until four so I had some time to kill before we had to go. I decided to call Michael. Maybe this time our conversation would be much more interesting! I grabbed the phone and proceeded to dial. I waited somewhat patiently for someone to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Chris."

"Hey, what's up?" He asked.

"Nothing much, just wanted to talk."

"Hmm..." Damn! Our conversation was heading south, again.

"Hey do you want to hang out tomorrow?" He asked me.

"Um, yeah."

"I'll pick you up." I became impressed.

"Cool, see you then!" He then hung up the phone.

I decided I would make some lunch and after we'd go. I opened the fridge and looked around for anything good. I guess I need to run to the market and get whatever I could get for 15 dollars.
"Mom! I'm going to the store. I'll be back in an hour!" I yelled to my mother. And so I got in the car and drove to Wellington's famous "Lew's Bakery and Deli" to fetch some ham and turkey. As I waited for the deli guy, I saw this jock walking by. His name was Barry Lincolns and he didn't like me so much. Last year he called me a fag and threw his lunch at me. I caught his eye and he stopped and stared at me for an awkward amount of time. He then shocked me by blowing me a kiss. I turned around to see if one of his girlfriends was behind me. No one was there. He pointed to me and started walking toward me. "Never mind!" I called to the deli guy and ran out of the market like a bat out of hell. I looked back to make sure he wasn't following me; luckily he wasn't. I stopped in front of the car and smiled ever so slightly and got in and drove off.

I pulled over on the side of the road and took a couple of deep breathes and kept my smile. I felt warm inside and the thought of him actually liking me was turning me on. I kind of figured there was something odd about him. After he had humiliated me in the cafeteria, I got a note in my locker. It said "Sorry" with a heart around it. "Go to L-2327." I never went to the locker but a few days later I walked past it and saw that it had been his locker. I went on driving. I turned on the radio and a nice country song came on. I started humming to the tune. When I got back home, I ran to my mothers' room and told her it was time to go.

"Okay, let's go!" I rushed my mom.

"Fine." She sighed.

I rushed her into the car to we could get going before any traffic, if there was a chance of any. Do I really want to know the fact of my mom being terminally ill; not really. I already know that she isn't well, why should I hear it from some doctor? Seeing her cough in such a way that brings her pain builds a ball of sadness and anger in me knowing I can't do anything. I tear formed but I quickly wiped it so my mom couldn't see me being weak. I need to be strong for both of us. She looked at me and I paused. I then told her "I love you."

At the doctor's office, I waited endlessly in the crowded white waiting room. My nerves were on high as I kept thinking about my mom. The door opened and walked in was my mom tearing up with doctor at her side. I jumped up and ran to hug her.

"W-What is it?" I cried.

My mom grabbed me and told me that it wasn't good news. I bent down and slowly cried as I hoped this was only some kind of nightmare. The doctor excused himself and left the room. My mom and I hugged each other for such a long time that I almost forgot about she was dying but that dream soon ended. Mother and I left the clinic and drove back home. The ride back was dull with awkward silence. She didn't want to talk and neither did I. I wanted to cry and scream and release my anger but at the same time I had to be calm so I wouldn't crash the car. How can this be? How can God be so rotten that he sent down this horrible disease on my poor mother?

When we got back home, I helped my mom to her room so she could rest. As for me, I went to my room and cried myself to sleep.

The next day, I was waiting on the front porch for Michael to pick me up. Maybe this was a sign that he thought expand our friendship, too. And then, I saw his expensive black Chevy pull up. I jumped up and ran to the car and got in.

"Where are you taking?" I asked.

"It's a surprise." He joked.

My eyes grew bigger and I got in. My body was almost shaking with excitement!

We drove a few miles out of town to a small secluded lake. Michael parked the car and we got out. He opened his trunk and pulled out a large red bag. He tosses me a sandwich from the bag.

"I hope you like ham and turkey."

I smiled and nodded my head.

He laid out a blanket for us to sit down on as we ate. I couldn't stop smiling the whole time.

As we finished our sandwiches, Miguel got up, took off his shoes and socks.

"Boy it's hot." He cried. "Let's take a swim!"

"Uh, okay!" I agreed.

I got up and started stripping until I only had my underwear on and was shock as I watched Michael pull down his boxers.

I laughed and asked what the hell he was doing.

"Come on! You've never skinny dipped before."

"No!"

He joked and jumped in the lake completely nude. He popped up and said no one will see us. As shocked as I was, I followed and finally pulled everything down. I closed my eyes and ran in.

"Holy shit! It's cold!"

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

As I nodded, he swam closer to me until our bodies touched.

He looked into my eyes and said, "I really like you, Christopher Miller."

"I really like you too, Michael Flynn." Then he slowly moved in and kissed me. I couldn't believe this was happening! As he moved his head back, I started to blush.





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