A loud gasp escaped my lips and I sat straight up in my bed looking around. Sweat beaded my forehead and my breaths were raspy and quickened. My cock stood at full attention in my boxers crying out for some attention and dribbling evidence of the dream that had just haunted my sleep down the shaft and onto the fabric. Shit that was intense. I looked over at my sleeping wife and then at the clock and sighed. Two eighteen in the morning. Ugh. I got up carefully so that I wouldn't wake her up and slipped into my house shoes. Rubbing my face I walked into the master bathroom and flipped on the light pushing the door closed slowly.
Resting my hands on the white counter I looked into the mirror taking in a deep breath and then let it release slowly. "Damn it, Tommy, what the hell was that about?" I am not sure if I had expected the reflection in the mirror to speak back or what, but silence was all I got in return to my question. As worked up as I was I knew sleep wouldn't find me again until I was calmed down, but after the visions that had disturbed my slumber I felt too guilty to touch Rebecca. Guess I'll be handling this one on my own.
I cracked the door and looked out to see my wife still sleeping and slowly closed it again turning the lock. Closing my eyes I slid my hand down my abs and into my boxers sucking in a sharp breath when the cold palm of my hand came into contact with my swollen member. I stalled for a moment as the guilt of neglecting my wife and pleasuring myself hit me. I shrugged it off knowing that even if I woke her up she would be too tired and gently wrapped my hand around my phallus biting my lip so that I wouldn't groan out loud as I started to slide my hand up and down the long, stiff shaft. Oh fuck. Faster, sharper movements. As I moved my hand suddenly the face of a man I had met that day popped into my mind, the man from the dream. I stopped and gaped at the mirror in horror for a moment but the arousal was undeniable. I started again, up and down, faster and harder. Yes, that's it. I repeated the up and down, up and down movement until I nearly crumbled to the ground with the feel of ecstasy that burst through my body as my cum exploded from my cock and coated my boxers. Holy shit that felt good.
All I could think of as I cleaned up my mess and pulled on clean boxers was the man I kept seeing in my mind. I had to find out why I couldn't shake him from my thoughts and why he affected me the way that he did. It's just not natural. This has to stop and it has to stop now. I shook my head and took a cleansing breath. I had only been around this contractor for two hours, there was no way I was letting that kill the life I had built for myself. I was better than that. I just had to forget about him like I had done the guy in high school. What was his name? I can't remember and that's the way it should be. Simple as that. I am straight. I have a wife that I love and kids that I love. I have a career with the Marine Corps that I love. I am attracted to beautiful women. I am not attracted to men. I let out a breath looking back into the mirror and smiled feeling as if I had convinced myself with my lies once more.
I stretched before walking back into the bedroom and easing into the bed. I rolled on my side leaving my back toward Becca afraid that she would be able to sense my guilt if she saw my sleeping face and slowly fell back to sleep. The remainder of my night was peaceful and the next interruption that I had was the sound of my alarm clock screaming at me at five. Aahh, not yet. I hit the snooze button. Ten minutes later it was screaming again and I gave in to the annoying buzz rolling over. "Okay, okay. I am getting up." I groaned and stretched as I stepped onto the floor clicking the alarm off and headed into the bathroom for a shower.
The sight of my boxers from my early morning play wadded up in the floor gave me a sickening jolt of guilt as I stepped out of the warm cascade of water and I looked away quickly. I dried off and hurried to pull on clean boxers, a Marine Corps t-shirt, and a pair of running shorts. I never wore my boxers to walk through the house because of the kids. My mood was surprisingly light as I made way down to the kitchen for some breakfast. It wasn't unusual to me when I saw Abriella and Derrick already sitting at the table eating bacon, egg, and cheese buscuits their mother had made. They were always my early birds. I smiled and walked to the stove kissing my wife's cheek, "Good morning babe." It felt awkward after the dream I had had the night before, but it was a habit. I grabbed my plate and sat down at the table with the kids to eat my eggs and bacon, no biscuit. "How is everyone this morning?" I got the usual grumbles and just laughed. After I was finished I got up and put my plate in the sink before heading upstairs to get my uniform on. A few minutes later I was back downstairs and heading off to work. "I'll see you later babe. Kids behave at school today and I will see you when I get home. Tell your brother to behave, too. Love you guys." With that I was out the door and on my way to post.
My life continued this way for three months. The more I tried to ignore the dreams the worse they got. I woke up at least twice a week in a heated arousal that had to be taken care of and no matter how much I wanted to mount my wife I couldn't bring myself to do it. I am not sure if it was the guilt of having dreamed about a man or the fear that I wouldn't be able to stay hard, but whatever it was I didn't try.
It seemed like the more time that passed without touching her in an intimate way the more withdrawn we both became with one another. It wasn't long before it started to feel like we weren't connected anymore. The marriage almost felt as if we were only together on paper. I don't think the kids had picked up on it too much, other than the difference in the way we kissed. When I was home I spent most of my time in my chair watching television or doing the maintenance chores so that I didn't have to worry about awkward silences between her and I. I wanted to pretend that everything was fine.
Outside of the house my life remained pretty much the same. I never let on to anyone that my marriage was basically dead and that it was definitely my fault. I pretended that everything at home was perfect. I bragged about the kids and I bragged about the great dinner Rebecca had fixed the night before. I bragged about any and everything that I could to make it look like things were perfect from the outside. No one needed to know what an asshole I was, no one but me and my wife.
Our lives continued this way for another month and the man continued to haunt my dreams and day dreams. The heat of the warm Summer afternoon had my body coated in sweat as I ran with my platoon. I wanted to pull my shirt off and relieve myself of the five pounds of sweat it had managed to soak up, but that wasn't allowed so I just dealt with it. My mind wasn't really in the run anyways, it had already drifted off to thoughts of the contractor I had worked with a few months back so I didn't feel the burn in my legs or notice the trees that lined the side of the street we were running on. I didn't need to think about the cadence we were crying out as we ran, it just came natural as if my mouth was on auto pilot. All I could see or focus on was this one man.
What was his name again? Jesse? Yes, Jesse. He was a young man, probably at least four or five years my junior, and his dark hair was longer than a Marine would wear, but it framed his features nicely and brought out the blue of his eyes making them seem almost like pools of the sky. He was tall, almost matching my own height of six foot three, and his arms were bulked with muscle. The blue shirt he had worn only barely masked the bulge of muscle it hid beneath it's fabric and his jeans had fit just so to show the curves of his ass. Why the hell are you paying so much attention to his ass, Tommy? Idiot. I had to push this male from my mind and I had to do it now. It was not acceptable to be thinking so much about a man, especially not the thoughts I was having. I was a married man, a father, and a Marine. We don't think about men that way, at least not and tell anyone about it and we damn sure don't act on it.
"Harrell! Harrell, get your head out of your ass and pay attention!" Oh shit. Busted being lost in my own thoughts. "Yes sir!" I tilted my head up and moved to stand in attention with the rest of my platoon and listened to the monotone voice of my platoon commander. He was going on and on about brotherhood and honor. The same speech we got at least twice a year, some times more. He was trying to prepare us for the idea that we may be deployed again. It was supposed to boost morale and strengthen our bond with one another so that when we face an enemy in battle we will work as one unit rather than many singular parts. We all knew the drill and most of us stood silently thinking on another things. That day I focused on every word that the commander spoke to keep my mind away from Jesse and his impeccable phsyique. I just had to make it through this last speech and then I would be on my way home to my family. That would certainly get my mind out of the gutter.
"Dismissed!" I heard his voice boom from the front of the group and finally relief washed over my body. I saluted and then turned on my heels heading back to the parking lot. I smiled as I thought about returning to my quaint four bedroom house with it's white siding and black shutters. It wasn't fancy, none of the houses on the base were, but it was home and it held the laughter of my beautiful children and my wife, Rebecca. I sighed as climbed into the car and shoved the key into the ignition and turned it listening as the small Toyota roared to life. I had opted for the Toyota allowing my wife to have the brand new mini-van she had wanted the previous year, not the Mustang I dreamed of but it got me to and from. In the past I hadn't drove to my post because it was only two blocks from my house but lately I had been having lunch off base instead of at home so I took to driving.
It took less than five minutes of driving before I found myself pulling into my own drive way. I parked the little black Toyota next to Rebecca's burgundy van and looked at the house for a moment before stepping out and grabbing my uniform from the passenger seat. I could already hear my daughter squealing and it brought a smile to my face. She was an angel in all of the darkness that had been clouding my mind lately. All three of my children were the silver lining in my clouds. Too bad you can't say the same of your wife and truly mean it asshole. I shook my head as I walked up the sidewalk and onto the small porch.
Taking a breath I pushed the front door open and headed inside, "Hello everyone!" I called out as I dropped my uniform on the arm of the recliner and sat down to pull off my tennis shoes. David was the first to greet me as he strolled into the living room with a sandwich in his hand. I smiled at him and sat back in the chair pushing my shoes to the side with my socked foot, "Hey son. How was school today?" The ten year old that looked so much like me it was almost like looking into a mirror glanced at me and smiled, "It was good dad. Nothing too major happened. I did meet a girl though." Whoa, that's news. After taking a deep breath I looked at him and smiled, "That's great David. What's she like?"
After listening to him describe her and tell me how good she smelled and how sweet her voice was for fifteen minutes he took a bite of his sandwich and walked up the stairs toward his room. I sat back in my chair and smiled, my son had his first real crush on a girl. I heard the side door open and tiny footsteps followed by adult steps in the kitchen and smiled. I stood up as I heard Abriella, my four year old daughter, giving my wife instructions on how to cook. I couldn't help but to laugh a little as I walked to the entrance of the room and leaned against the door frame, "Is that a fact Abbie? What if mommy wants to put the butter in before the beans?" That was all it took to peel her attention away from the food. She yelled out and came running at me with her arms open wide and leaped in my direction. I smiled catching her and hugging her close before kissing her cheek. "Hey baby girl. Have you been good for your mommy today?"
My little princess. She was four and had hazel eyes like her mother and they were so full of hope and love. Her brown hair was wavy and flowed down her back stopping at her waist. She was always happy and smiling and no matter what mood I was in it would turn to pure joy when she hugged my neck. "I was a good girl daddy. I played in the yard and picked lellow flowers and went to the shopping place with mommy." Who could resist smiling at that? "Good job baby." I sat her feet on the floor and ruffled her hair gently, "Why don't you go upstairs and play until diner time?" I smiled as she turned and skipped out of the kitchen.
Turning to Rebecca I smiled and moved closer to her. I gave her an awkward hug and kissed the top of her head, "How was your day babe?" I leaned back on the counter and watched as she cut onions. "It wasn't too bad. Same old stuff different day." She smiled at me. It was a warm smile that would have put any normal man on his knees and all I could muster was a smile back. Crossing my arms over my chest I nodded, "Nothing interesting happened?" Small talk. Whoever invented this shit needs to have their ass kicked. She shook her head and I nodded, "Well, maybe tomorrow will be better. I think I am going to go check on Brian and then grab a shower before dinner." A nod of her head, a kiss to her cheek, and I was headed out of the kitchen.
Things hadn't always been so awkward between Becca and I, in fact at one point we had a marriage that most of the wives on base envied. I rushed home to her and always wrapped her in a huge hug kissing her like I hadn't seen her in years. I used to tell her how beautiful she was and how my life wouldn't be complete without her, but that was before. Before my thoughts and my body betrayed everything I stand for by deciding that some man I had barely met affected me in a way I had not expected. It had caused me to question myself and my feelings, something most men don't care to do, not that I particularly wanted to my mind just wasn't giving me a choice. The journey into my thoughts and memories pulled up the past, the kick in the ass I had gotten from my dad when he caught me kissing that boy back in high school. It had reminded me that I liked it, I preferred it. I had always known that and I had always buried it deep down inside. But something about this man brought it all to the surface making it impossible to ignore and taking away my ability to touch my wife or being loving with her at all. All I could do was be cordial and treat her like a friend.
I don't deserve her. She doesn't deserve this bullshit. The thought haunted me as I made way up the stairs. I hated being trapped the way that I was and I hated that I had trapped her the way I had. I had to push the thoughts from my mind, it was what it was and there was nothing I could do about it now. Is that true? Could I do something to re-ignite the relationship with Becca? To make all of this right and get Jesse out of my head? That thought echoed in my mind as I pulled on my uniform. I wondered if I really tried if I could get things between her and I back to the way that they had been a few months back. It was then, while I stood there in our bedroom, that I decided I would have to try. I planned to start trying that day by finding a sitter for them for the night, coming home early, and taking her out. I smiled at the thought as I closed the final button and headed back downstairs. I had to make this work.
I walked back into the kitchen and smiled at Brian putting my finger to my lips to signal him not to say anything. I watched as Rebecca cracked some eggs into the frying pan and then slipped up behind her wrapping my arms around her waist and pressed my lips to her shoulder. She jumped. Okay, it's awkward, but I can do this. I used to do this all the time. This is normal, it's what husbands do. "Thomas Harrell! Are you trying to give me a heart attack?" She laughed and turned in my arms looking up at me with a confused pleasure in her eyes. I like that smile. She deserves to smile this way. I can do this. Slow deep breath. Kiss her jack ass. Lean in and press your lips to hers and do it like you mean it damn it. You do mean it. You want this. I did want it. I leaned in slowly and pressed my lips to hers tenderly. Her moan had no effect on me. Damn it. I refused to give up. I pulled back and smiled looking down at her giving her a wink. "You and me, tonight, dinner in town. I'll find a sitter." Whoa. I haven't seen that smile in a while. She agreed and after ruffling the six year old Brian's hair and wishing him a good day I was out the door and headed to work.