There I was 11 years old confused and scared, I was sure I wasn't attracted to males I tried to date them and it just didn't feel right I could be friends with them and connect with them easily on the tomboy to guy level. I was raised in a christian background, my grandfather being the pastor of the church in my hometown of Litchfield, Illnois, I was never into the whole God is almighty thing, even though my parents weren't the church goer types it would have still been suicide to tell them, my father was homophobic which it didn't make it any easier, I was in a werid place even pushing my best friend of many years Cinder away I just left that she couldn't understand, coming out was so much easier for her, her older sister Sara paving the way and even though their mother was a tyrant they had the approval of the only person that matter to them their father. So here's my story hope you enjoy it :)
I was sitting against the wall thinking and praying for some sign I was on the right path, my best friend of many years Cinder sitting next to me struggling to find the words to say, trying and failing to and failing to hide it from me but knowing her as long as I did it would only make sense for me to know her as well as I did. Cinder was always a least 5 inches shorter than me with flowing, long, wavy, bright red hair, emerald green eyes that seemed like they could look right into my heart and mind knowing and understanding what I felt and of course pale skin, everyone always said it was unusual for such beautiful young women to be such good friends because apparently beautiful women were suppose to hate each other but the was never the case with me and Cinder. Despite what anyone said I didn't find myself attractive, medium height for my age, dark brown hair with blond highlights streaking through it when the sun hit it just right thanks to my mom's blonde hair as a child, gray blue eyes that changed color in the right lighting and when my mood changed, pale skin expect for the occasional tan that was lighter than most of my family and never stuck around long, freckles adorning my face and parts of my arms and legs I considered myself average at best. "Cin stop." "Stop what lys?" "Beating yourself up and don't tell me you're not I know you too well.
" "Yeah you do. I'm just trying to make it easier on you I know how your parents are, maybe it would be easier to tell Beth first?" "Yeah telling Beth would be easier, having my big sister's support when I go into the lion's den would help a lot. She has always been more accepting." "I was always liked her" Cinder smiled again remembering the first time she met my step-sister Beth older than me by ten years, you would never been to tell we weren’t blood by the way we acted towards each other she had a huge hand in raising me, even though we first met when I was 7 months away from being 8, she chased my nightmares away that first night not even complaining about me invading her and her dad's home. "So your gonna tell her right?" "Cin I'm not sure I want anyone but us knowing just yet." "Come on Alyssa!!!! You are gay!!! Be proud of it!!! I am!!!" "Keep your voice down Cinder! I don't want everyone in the universe knowing what I don't even know myself yet!! It's not that easy with me!! Your dad was easy to win over mine won't be!!" "Fine" "Thank you" Cinder let her eyes fall from my gaze to the floor obviously hurt. "Awe come on Cinder don't pout that's not fair and you know it."
"Alright" Cinder got up turned her back on me and marched off to homeroom even though the bell didn’t ring for another 10 minutes, she was mad at me and I knew I would have to fix it, I pulled my knees up to my chest draped my arms over them and leaned my head against the wall so I was staring up at the ceiling, I hate it when we fight. I stayed where I was when I heard footsteps coming towards me, I had a pretty good guess as to which it was and confirmed it when I heard her voice. "So what's her prob this time?" Ally sat down beside me and I could feel her eyes on me waiting for my answer. "The same stuff as usual you know how it is. "Well she wasn't bugging me about not talking enough and I haven't heard that she was in anyone's face recently so no I don't know." "It’s complicated Al." "When is it not complicated?" "You've got a point there." "I know I do. So are you gonna tell me or do I have to come right out and say it?" I wrenched my gaze from the ceiling and looked directly into Ally's eyes in surprise doing my best to make it look like confusion.
"She told me Alyssa I'm surprised you didn't yourself I mean who am I gonna tell I only talk to the 2 of you, Cin yelling at me for not making more friends is proof of that. I knew before she told me. And don't worry she only told me no one else." "I'm sorry Ally I'm just in a weird place." "I know I know I haven't come out either, I really have no reason to rush into it because I'm shy I'm not going to get a girl anyways." "Don't degrade yourself so much Al I'm not just to come out to get women I'm just tired of hiding, I'm not even sure if I am yet." "You are Lysa it’s obvious." "Shit!! Is it that obvious?!" "Calm down its obvious to us because we know you so well, if anyone else noticed you'd be the talk of the school by now just like Cin was and Sara before her, so why are you really scared "What do you mean?" "I know you, and you have never had a problem coming right out and saying something to your mom whether she liked it or not." "This is a little different than most things I tell my parents." "But you are so close to her Lyssa she should accept you no matter what and didn't you tell me that she has gay and lesbian best friends anyways?" "Yeah and what about my dad he gay bashes everything." "Well not everything is easy." "Your right but I just want to be sure maybe talk to someone older who has some more experience ya know?"
"Better to be safe than sorry." "Exactly." The bell rang Ally hopped up and offered a hand down to me, I accepted and we made out way to homeroom. We took our seats on either side of Cinder; Cinder still mad at me ignored me and started talking to Ally. Ally sat there talking to Cinder trying to hide a smile, she knew it wouldn't last long soon Cinder would get bored talking to her and start bugging me again. Halfway through the day Cinder go over the little fight and started talking to me again by lunch she was on Ally's case about not talking enough again I could almost laugh at how normal everything was. It amazed me to how someone like Ally could be so shy and just let Cinder's small frame run all over her, Ally towered over both of us but Cinder especially, shoulder length midnight black hair with purple streaks, ice blue eyes, well tanned skin because of her family's Native American background, she looked like a beautiful force of nature not to be messed with not to mention because of her quiet nature, that was only broken when me or Cinder came into view, people thought she was harboring a violent rage and if to poked her she would kill you. We were quite the trio.