Right now it's exactly 11:30pm. As I was lying in bed, I found myself realizing how freakin' lonely I am. I text my ex Tory (whom I've actually never met in person before) and ask if she ever feels alone.
"No" was her simple response.
Of course she doesn't. She's someone who can easily attract girls. She's fucking hot.
Somehow, as I'm still lying in bed, my mind always wonders back to my first love and I realize how fucked up my love life actually is. It's my own damn fault too.
I guess I should start from the beginning...
Freshman year of high school, around January of 2005. (you do the math to guess my age)
My parents make me join the high school swim team. Why do I say 'make'? Because I didn't want to swim, but my parents wanted me to do some sort of sport. It wasn't like I've never done anything athletic before. I was actually raised as an athlete since I was born, trying out several different sports. So why swim? Because my parents made me join a swim club when I was in middle school so it only made sense that I continue in high school.
Anyway, I had procrastinated turning in my forms to the school saying that I wanted to join the swim team. I called my mom up after school as I was walking home and told her that it was too late now, it was the day after the deadline.
She wasn't happy. My dad wasn't happy. I forgot who it was who told me not to come home until I turned the form into the school. Now I wasn't happy. I was essentially kicked out of the house until I joined the swim team.
Fine. I thought. I didn't want to go home anyway.
I called up one of my closest friends to see what she was doing. She was at the pool taking pictures with her partner for the yearbook. She told me to come over and so I did since I had to turn in the paperwork in that area anyway.
When she introduced me to her yearbook partner… that was the first time I've ever fell in love at first sight, but I didn't know it was love at that time.
"Hi, I'm Casey" I said first.
"I'm Sora" she replied.
"Sora…" It was the first time I had heard a name like that, "like soaring?"
"Yeah" she smiled. I guess she was used to people never hearing her name before.
There was something about her that completely captivated me. She was short, but had an attitude that gave off the feeling of 'don't fucking mess with me'. It was hawt and only made me want to be around her even more. She took her picture-taking job very seriously but she also let me hold and take a few pictures with the thousand dollar school camera.
Somehow it was mentioned that I was turning in the paperwork to join the swim team.
"You're going to join the swim team? I am too." She said.
This girl… how could she possibly captivate me even more?!
I tried not to sound so excited, "Yeah I am, I just need to turn this in first…. I guess I'll see you at practice then."
"See you then."
Back then I didn't know what to make of my feelings. I had never fallen for a girl before, in fact I never really thought of my love life and who I should and shouldn't love. All I knew was that I wanted to get to know this girl as much as possible. That was it.
At the first week of try-outs we had a mini-meet that would determine who would make varsity. I wasn't looking forward to it. I hate meets.
I had pushed aside these new feelings I had for Sora, because I wasn't very good at making friends so easily. I didn't usually re-approach people I had met before because I'm too shy, and I still don't.
I mainly keep to myself but I couldn't help constantly glancing in her direction. I wanted to swim next to her and watch her more and guess what, I got my wish.
At the end of practice our coach had our group swim to see which pairs could swim a lap the fastest. The winner could get out of the pool early.
Now I had been swimming a few years in middle school so I knew I had a good chance at winning. What I wasn't expecting was that the person who I almost tied with ended up being Sora.
I was genuinely surprised. So surprised in fact, that I had to go congratulate her somehow. She was quickly drying herself off with her towel. I watched her for a moment as focused on getting dressed. She didn't even notice me walk up behind her.
"Hey that was a great swim!" I said sincerely to her.
She glanced over at me. Her towel draped over her the top of her head after being frisked dry.
She gave me a concentrated look as if trying to recall who I was, "Thanks."
That was all she said. I didn't want to feel anymore awkward than I was already feeling so I briskly turned around and walked straight home.
The first thing I did when I got home was call my friend who introduced me to her.
I was super excited when I spoke, "Hey Leah! Guess who I saw at practice today!"
"Sora?" she asked.
"Yeah! She's really fast too! Did she ever swim before??"
We talked about her the rest of the night. I made it my goal in life to get to know as much about her as possible.
Little did I know back then, that only a few years later I would share my first kiss with her.