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At Times I Hide

Poetry By: dlaura69
Gay and lesbian

Even now I have fear about losing my mom's love because of who I am.

Submitted:Apr 14, 2013    Reads: 125    Comments: 2    Likes: 0   

Anger. Resentment.

That's how I feel at times

But not towards anyone else

Just towards me

I question who I am

There are times when I am me

And yet at times I hide

Afraid of what still awaits me

Acting as if I have control

I act free and prideful

But when I think of her

Everything leaves but fear

If only she could accept me

I wouldn't have to lie

She knows who I am

Yet she chooses to turn her back

Ashamed of whom I am

That's how I feel

As she turns her back

Denying the truth. Denying me.

So I forget and she forgets

Well not really…we just ignore it

Who I really am

There's no point in being me

No point while I'm at home

I live a lie with her

Acting sweat and "normal"

I've grown tired of it all

Anger. Resentment.

That's what I feel towards me

Not having enough courage

I remain silent. I remain a lie.

At home I can't be me

I want her to love me

But I know she won't

Unless I lie for her…and I do

Yet, I'm out there at times

There's no judging me

I just help those like me

Helping them find strength

If only they knew

The way I live at home

Would they look at me the same

Or would they turn their back

I tell them to tell the truth

Ask them to not be afraid

And they take my advice

They take it all in

But how can it be possible

To help others consume fear

When I myself cannot escape

From the fear I help them through

It's a bit crazy

But that's my life

Helping many at times

When I cannot help myself

Lies, that's what I've become

In a place I call home

In a place with a mother…

Who cannot accept me

For others I say it all

For her I hide it all

Anger. Resentment.

My feelings towards me


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