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The Step to Realization

Poetry By: LunaticLullaby
Gay and lesbian

From a little girl to a 16 year old pansexual, this is a short story of me realizing my sexuality

Submitted:Oct 7, 2012    Reads: 203    Comments: 1    Likes: 0   

It started like this:
I was a little girl, always being dressed up like a little doll,
and I don't remember that, but I've seen the pictures
As I got older I love frills and my barbie's, and hated anything dirty.

I was just in kindergarden, maybe first grade
And she was my first crush, at least the only one that I remember
And he was my second crush, the first one in mind anyways

The three of us weren't friends, but they thought I was funny
That's what I was, the silly girl, Kaitlynn
And so when I tugged her hair and took her things, they though I was trying to get a laugh
And when I wrote him a "love" note in my childish scrawl he didn't no what to say
But I forgot to sign my name...

And as I got older still I got crushes on other little girls, and other little boys
And I continued to hate dirt and love my dolls
My Kens wore dresses in secret, and my Barbie's kissed
And even though I didn't understand it, I kept this secret from my mother

Everyones saying "this is so gay" and "your so gay"
I didn't understand why liking the same sex was an insult
But it always made my chest tingle with some odd mixture of confusion, anger, and sadness

Finally in seventh grade I knew what the problem was
My friends had started kissing boys and eachother,
They thought they were so cool, but when my lips pressed to anothers,
another girls, for the first time.....
My heart stopped

This was it!
What is it though?
I'm scared, I dont care that my friends are these "bi sexuals"
It's not for me though is it? I wasn't gay.
For the life of me I couldn't understand why the accusition felt so right

Okay so I girls, I can live with that....
And I like guys, that's okay too....
Just breath! It'll be okay, you've always know haven't you?
Now you just have a name for it.

But now I realize that sexuality, sex, or gender don't matter to me

I'm a pansexual,
And I'm not disgusting or immoral
I'm the same person I've always been
And I don't know why I was so scared


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