Parents : Thomas Baley
Thomas: You know I usually like to start these things off with a joke, So two lesbians walk into a bar, You think one of them would have seen it. Now I know that I am not the best story teller or joke teller of all time so why don't we just begin. I would like to welcome you all to the national seminar for children dealing with gay parents. My name is Thomas Baley; a little bit about myself, I am thirty-three years old. I live with my beautiful wife Elizabeth. We are trying to have kids but it is not really working out but that is not part of the story. Uh... yea I guess thats about it. A little bit about my family. That... well that is my older brother Marcus. Marcus was my older brother and he decided that it was his job to make my life an absolute living hell! When I was about five years old or so my absolute favorite food were these little Hershey kisses. You know the little chocolate things? And Marcus well he used to love playing this game with me that he would tell me that things were called other things to get me in trouble. So he decided to tell me that these Hershey kisses were called blow jobs. So, here I am little five year old me walking into kindergarten and the first two things they ask you are A.) what is your favorite color and B.) what is your favorite food. I walk up to the middle of the room and I say blue and blow jobs. Well you should have heard the phone call my father got for that one. Speaking of my father well thats him his name is Richard Baley and he was married to my mother Eliza Baley. They divorced when I was about seventeen years old or so because my father... Well my father decided to up and become a homosexula. You know I still remember the day that my father well he came out to me. He takes me out to this very fancy dinner he sits me down and he says Thomas I have something very important to tell you. I ask him what it is. He goes Thomas I am a homosexual. I look at him and I go the white house is white. And you know he just stares at me with this expression of puzzlement for what seems like twenty minutes and finally he gets so fed up with me he just yells "Thomas what the hell does that have to do with anything" and I go dad I thought we were both stating things that were obviuos. Now, some people say this was rude of me to say at my fathers big coming out moment but I mean you should have seen him there was no coming out with this one... he was one step away from Ru Paul. Divorce, my parents divorce was a... good if you can say a divorce is good. I remember they kept it together for the family kept the kids at the center of the attention. And one thingt that never died in our family well it was tradition. Tradition, every single saturday my whole family would go into New York city. My mother, her favorite part was the shopping and my dads well his was the subway. He used to talk to anyone that would listen to him on the subway and they just ate it up. He used to put on these little shows for the people You know what they used to call him? they used to call him the QUeen of the Subway it used ot piss me the hell off. Every single saturday the seven and the seven. The seven a.m. and the seven p.m. So one day my father decides to take the entire family to see what he says is going to be the best musical of all time. Cats. So we go we see the show and were coming out of the show and I ask my dad what he thinks of it. He turns to me and he goes Thomas that was the biggest piece of crap I ever saw. And we laugh and I ask him why we ever saw it and he turns to me and he says I dont know. So were walking back to the subway to go home and were in Times Square. and were looking at all the names all the lights all the photos. And I feel something tugging at my shoulder and its my father and he turns to me and he goes Thomas one day I want to see my name up in lights. I turn to my father and I go dad thats impossible your a homoesexual, he goes thomas nothings impossible I go dad then go try to staple some water to a tree. So we go home. The very next saturday big surprise another broadway show. You know I really don't remember the name of this one but that is not important. So we go in and we come out and I ask my dad what he thinks of it. He gives me some general remarks and we decide to head to the subway. We sit down in our normal car and this guy just keeps walking up and down the subway aisle and we dont think anything of it I mean he looks like a typical New Yorker he has a sweatshirt on, sweatpants and sneakers. Then finally I turn to my father and I ask him hmph isnt that a little strange I mean he just keeps walking up and down those aisle. We go back to chatting and all of a sudden we hear, everyone on the ground now. and I get on the ground but my father doesn't I lift my head to see my father going at "You know you dont have to do this" and the guy he takes the gun and he hits my father across the head and my father he falls to the floor and all I keep thinking to myself is dear god If you are out there please make him stay on the ground, please make him stay on the ground but he gets up. And he starts going at it again "You know you dont have to do this; it doesnt have to go any further" and the guy this time he just takes the gun and he looks at it. Then he looks at my father, walks up to my father and smacks him across the face but this time my father well he falls to the ground and he just shoots him three times. And you want to know what he says as he shoots him he just goes F.A.G. You know, I'm sorry this lecture well it was not supposed to be about death it was supposed to be about dealing with a homosexual parent but sometimes that part of it. The next saturday I decided to keep up the tradition so I step onto the subway and I just see this big old banner and it just reads "rest in peace queen of the subway" About a week before my father died we went shopping because he always loved that. And all I keep thinking about are these two teenagers who just kept shouting look at it, look at that. And sometimes I wonder if I said something then or I said something on the subway would things be different? You know I really dont know. But one thing I do know is that all I keep thinking is... is that were in times square and were looking at all the names, all the lights all the photos and my father he tugs on my arm and he goes thomas one day I want to see my name up in lights. Well there it is dad... your name up in lights.