My pencil tapped against my notebook as my teacher talked. I was too busy looking at the window to care about what the teacher was saying. Outside of the window was Ryan, my boyfriend. At least, that is what he called himself when we were alone together. When we were alone, he was a sweet and charming guy, also very lewd. Yet, while in school, he ignored me, never even acknowledge my existence. Why? Maybe it was because of the fact that he's a guy, and I'm a guy. Since he's popular, he wouldn't want people to know that he had a thing for guys.
Besides secretly dating me, everyone thinks he is single. He prefers not to openly date because he doesn't want the other girls that like him become overly jealous and start bullying the girl he's dating. However, I've never once seen him actually shown an interest in a girl, even though he was constantly surrounded by pretty girls that loved to flirt with him. To keep up appearances, he flirted with them as well.
So, how did he end up taking an interest in me? Well, that's actually a very interesting story. It was during sophomore year, when I was riding my bike from school. I only live a couple of miles away, so it's easier to just ride my bike to and from school. When I got home, Ryan was in front of my house. Turns out he lived in the same neighborhood, but caught a ride with his senior buddies. At that time, I was wondering what he was doing in front of my house.
When he saw me ride up into the driveway, he flashed me a handsome smile. The kind of smile that would make a girl swoon. I blushed when I saw it because, like those girls at school, I too had a crush on Ryan. He was a very handsome guy. He had long, sandy brown hair that stopped about an inch below his shoulders; usually it was tied back, so it wouldn't get into his face. His eyes were a chocolate brown, which was a plus for me, since I liked brown eyes. He also had a nice build, since he liked to work out. Strangely though, he didn't play any sports, he just went to the gym a lot.
"Hey, uh…Michael." Ryan said when I got off my bike. He came toward me, which made me a bit nervous. We've never talked before, so this was kind of strange to just have him standing in front of my house.
"Uh, yo." I said not sure what else to say to him. "Do you need something?"
"Yeah, notes. I skipped school today to hang out with my friends. You know, it's was a senior skip day today, and they just asked me to tag along. You're in Mr. Johnson's chemistry class with me, so I thought I would ask you for the notes."
"Sure." I started to dig through my book bag to get the notes.
"Can we go into your house?"
I looked up, confusion written on my face. "Huh?"
"Well, there may be a couple of things I won't understand, so it would be good if I just stay here and copy the notes. That way, if I don't understand something, you can explain it to me." Ryan started looking around as he waited for my answer.
I looked at him for a moment, shocked by his words. "Yeah, that's cool." I said while running my hands through my dark brown hair. I needed to get it cut, since it was starting to get a little shaggy lately.
I opened up the garage door and put my bike inside. I invited him into the garage, so we could get into the house through that connected the kitchen with the garage. After closing the garage door, and getting inside the house, I became quite nervous. I was surprised that his guy was inside my house. This just had to be a dream or something. Maybe I was hallucinating and Ryan was just a figment of my imagination. That would really explain everything.
We went upstairs to my room. I put my book bag onto my bed and started to rummage through it, trying to find my notes. I felt Ryan's presence behind me. I turned my head, so I could look at him. He was really close, I didn't even know he had moved so close to me. I nervously turned around and started to get the notebook out. "Uh, shall we go ahead and start talking about chemistry?" I asked.
"Sure." Ryan said. He sat at the end of my bed. Looking at him sitting on my bed made me feel really nervous. I wasn't really sure what to do. I sat down next to him, notebook in hand. While opening up the notebook to today's notes, Ryan leaned in closer. His breath was hot on my neck.
"Um…do you want me to get you some paper, so you can go ahead and copy them."
"Nah, I'll write them down in my head. Just read them out to me." He flashed me another smile.
I turned away from him, so I could hide my blushing, I started to read out the notes. While in the middle of reading them, Ryan put his hand on my thigh. I paused and looked at him. "Uh, Ryan?" I was so confused that I didn't know what to say.
Ryan cupped my cheek and kissed me. I'm not talking about a sweet, cheap kiss on the lips either. He used his tongue and everything. When he drew away from me, I was breathless. That was my first kiss, and it was both shocking and amazing.
"Did you like the kiss?" Ryan asked. He had a very heated look in his eyes that made my stomach start doing flips. "What's with that look? You can't say you didn't like it because I'm a guy. I know you like guys, most people do. So there's not point in denying it." That was true. I never try to hide the fact that I liked guys, but I wasn't very flamboyant about it. I was just confused about what was going on.
"I-I-It's not that I didn't like it. I'm just a bit surprised."
"Yeah, I bet you didn't know I liked guys with glasses." Ryan said as he took mine off and kissed me again. Ryan pushed me down onto the bed and started to mess with my belt. I was freaking out inside my head, but my body remained frozen. I wasn't sure what to do in this type of situation. Even when Ray did get my belt undone and unzipped my pants, I just lay there.
It was no surprised that we ended up having sex. It was my first time, and I was too shock to stop it from happening. To have one of the most popular guys from school come to my house and start doing that, what else was I suppose to feel? Yet, ever since that day, he's comes over when my mom's at work and we end up having sex. He says he's my boyfriend, but I just feel like a fuck buddy. Somebody that he just has sex with when he wants to. He doesn't even acknowledge me at school, so why do I allow? I've run this by many times in my head and I still can't figure out the answer.
Now, we're both seniors. He cut his hair, but hasn't really changed much. I just thought that he would at least let us pretend to be friends. That would make me happy. Oh that's right, the populars don't talk to geeks. I guess being a straight A student does have it faults.
The bell rang and everyone grabbed their books. Everyone filed out of the classroom, wanting to just hurry up and leave school. "Uh, Michael, could I talk to you for a minute?" Mr. Griggs asked before I could leave. I walked over to his desk and waited for him to speak. "You're my best student in my class, so I would like to ask you to do me a favor. Daniel Scott from my morning class needs some help. Do you mind tutoring him?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "Sure, I don't mind." I said. Maybe it would help get my mind off of Ryan and how he ignores my very existence at school.
"Great. Do you mind leaving me your phone and address, so I can give it to him?"
I nodded and took out a sheet of paper. I wrote my number and address on it, then handed it him. After that was done, I left, not wanting to stick around. At the front of the school, I unlocked my bike and went home. On the way home, I was in a total daze. Before I knew it, I was already home. I did my usual routine of putting up my bike and going into the house. My book bag was thrown to the side once I was in my room. Flopping onto my bed, I waited for my phone to ring, and Ryan's name appearing on the screen.
The next day, I felt really depressed. Ryan didn't call. In fact, he hadn't called in a while. It was my best guess that he was done with me. He used me, now he was throwing me away. I should have seen this coming, but I guess I was in denial about it. What was I thinking? How could a popular guy like him like me? I must have been out of my mind for thinking he even liked me. However, I'm such a pathetic person. Even though I know all this, I still want him to call.
School seemed to go by slowly. For once, school was boring and uneventful in my mind. It wasn't until the final bell rang, and it was time to go home, that I felt happy about something.
When I got home, my cell phone rang. My heart sped as I heard it ring. I answered the phone. "Ryan?"
"Uh, no, it's Daniel. I'm sure Mr. Griggs told you about me."
It took a minute for my brain to register. "Oh, yeah, the guy I'm suppose to tutor."
"Yeah, I was hoping that I could come over today. I'm heading toward your house right now." Daniel said on the other end.
"Okay. What are you driving?" I asked.
"A red truck."
"I'll being looking out for it." I hung up the phone and went into the house.
A few minutes later, a red truck pulled up. I saw from my bedroom window and went downstairs as I heard the bell ring. I opened the door and to my surprise, a gorgeous guy stood in front of me. He had long, and I mean long, black hair. His eyes were a soft blue, ones that I just wanted to get lost into. He was tall, but it was hard to see his body frame through his loose clothes. Made me wonder what he looked like with his clothes off.
"Are you going to invite me in?" He asked.
"Oh, yeah. Come right on in." I moved out of the way, so he could come into the house. I closed the door, then started walking toward the stairs. "We'll study in my room."
In my room, we sat on the floor and I started tutoring. Daniel seemed to be having a hard time grasping the concept of derivatives, even though they were rather easy. While in the middle of me explaining how to use the chain rule, I had the uncomfortable feeling that he was staring at me and not the notes.
I glanced at him to find my suspicions confirmed. His book was opened, but he was looking at it. He was just staring at me intensely. Under his gaze, I felt my stomach fill with butterflies. "Are you even paying attention?" I asked.
"You're cute." was his reply.
"I didn't ask that." I yelled looking at him. Then I realized what he said. "Wait. You said I was cute?"
He smiled at me. "Yep. Do you have a boyfriend?"
I was starting to feel uncomfortable with what he was saying. "You should be asking me a question about derivatives, not about my personal life."
"Is that a no?"
Damn, this guy was persistent. "Yes, I have a boyfriend. Happy? Let's get back to the lesson."
He cocked his head to the side. "Really? Is that Ryan guy your boyfriend?"
"That's none of your business." I was started to get really annoyed.
He raised an eyebrow. "It's Ryan Marsh isn't it?"
I blushed when he said Ryan's name. It was suppose to be a secret. Nobody was suppose to find out about Ryan and I. Now that this guy knew, was he going to spread it around the school? We would definitely be over if everyone found out. Then I would never see Ryan again.
"From how much you're blushing and staying quiet, I must be right. You know, I've never heard of him dating anyone, much less a guy. That means you guys must be keeping it a secret."
"Yes, and if you don't mind, could you please not tell anyone." I asked.
"No problem, though I think you should dump him."
"What are you saying? Why would I dump him?"
"If he isn't willing to let everyone know that you two are dating, then that means he doesn't care about you. I mean, has he ever held your hand in public? Talk to you? Anything?"
I closed my book and stood. "We're done. Just leave Daniel." I was started to get upset by his words. I wanted him to leave, so I could be alone to cry my heart out. I turned away from him, not wanting him to see me when I was on the verge of tears.
I heard Daniel grab his stuff and stand up. I heard his footsteps, then they stopped. "For the record, I wouldn't do that. You're cute and smart. I wouldn't be ashamed to show you off as my boyfriend if we were dating." Then he left. I waited until I heard the door slam, and the truck drive away before I burst into tears.
Over the next couple of weeks, I continued to tutor Daniel. However, he was always flirting with me, while I was trying to explain stuff. It got really annoying when he would try to kiss me or something. I eventually told him to stop it, or I would stop tutoring him. After that, he quit with the flirting.
Ryan still hadn't called. I saw him everyday at school, yet he never once looked at me. I was starting to worry that we really were over. Just the thought made my chest feel tight. If it was over, then what was the point in saying that you were my boyfriend for the past two years? Was I really just a toy for you?
During lunch, I was sitting outside. I wasn't eating anything, just sitting by myself thinking. I saw Ryan with a group of his friends. He was laughing and playing around with them. He didn't show any signs like he was missing me. Not like how I was missing him.
As if my body was moving on its own, I got up and started walking toward the group. They all stopped talking to look at me. A wave of fear washed over me. I really had no clue what I was doing. I looked at Ryan, who gave me a questioning look.
"Is there something you want?" A girl in the group said.
"Uh…" My voice was low.
"Come on speak up. What's wrong, are you retarded or something." A guy in the group said.
"Oh look, he's scared. He's starting to tremble." The group started to laugh. The guy who had spoken before pushed me to the ground. I fell and looked up at Ryan. He wasn't looking at me now. He didn't say anything either as the group laugh.
"Come on guys, let's go." Ryan said.
The group left, and I wanted to cry. The pain in my chest was so terrible that I felt I couldn't breath. I guess it really was over between us. For the rest of lunch I went into the boys' bathroom and cried. I didn't even go to my next class. However, I clean myself up before I went to my last class of the day.
When I went home, I prepared everything for the tutoring session with Daniel. My eyes were still a little red and puffy from the crying. I almost wanted to call him up and cancel because I didn't want him to see. But before I could, his red truck pulled up. I opened the door before he could get to my steps. I turned around and went ahead up to my room. I heard him close the door, and his loud footsteps as they went up the stairs.
When he was in my room, I looked away, so he couldn't see my face. However, before I could start the tutoring session, he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. He studied my face for a few moments.
"You've been crying." He said. I tried to look away, but his grip on my chin was too strong. "Did he make you cry?"
I knew who he was, but I didn't saw anything. My phone started to ring, and Daniel let go of me, so I could answer it. "Hello?"
"Michael?" It was Ryan's voice on the other end.
"Michael about today, I…" I didn't hear anything else before Daniel snatch the phone away and turned off the phone.
"Hey, what are you doing? I was talking to Ryan."
"That bastard should just go to hell. Why would you want to talk to him after what he did?"
I looked down at my lap. "I…"
Daniel grabbed my face again, but this time he was very gentle. "Kiss me. Just once. If you don't like it, then call that bastard back and I'll give up on you." I could tell that he was being serious, both by the tone in his voice and by the look in his eyes.
I liked my lips, thinking about it for a moment. "Okay." I said.
"Close your eyes."
I did, and I felt him take my glasses off. Then a moment later, his lips were on mine. His kiss was gentle, nothing like Ryan's kisses which were full of heat and urgency. This kiss made me feel calm. All my worries about Ryan suddenly disappeared. I knew I should have felt guilty about kissing another guy, but I didn't. I liked the kiss. I liked how it made me feel.
When Daniel broke the kiss, I opened my eyes and looked at him. He looked at me waiting for my answer. It must have been in my eyes because Daniel smiled and kissed me again. This time the kiss became more passionate. Enough to where we both were lying on the floor.
His kisses left me breathless. When he kissed my neck, it felt hot. His hand went under my shirt and started to lift it up. I helped him take it off, and let him kiss my chest. Everywhere he kissed sent shivers throughout my body. His mouth went over my nipple and stated to tease it with his tongue. I moaned at the pleasure it made me feel.
He stopped for a moment, so he could take off my pants. I was completely naked, feeling the roughness of the carpet beneath me. Then he too stripped off his clothes, and I could finally see his body. His body was beautiful, and I just wanted to kiss all of it. I sat up so I could wrap my arms around him and kiss him. Then we both fell to the floor in complete bliss.
The next day at school, I felt kind of awkward with what happened. I wasn't sure if I could every face Ryan again. Well, it didn't matter. We were over now, so I shouldn't have to worry about it anymore. From now on, Daniel was my boyfriend, and hopefully he won't hurt me like Ryan did.
"Michael!" I heard someone call.
I turned around and saw Daniel walking toward me. He smile at me and I smiled back. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw someone else approach me. To my surprise, it was Ryan. He stopped suddenly, and I looked Daniel, who was now right next to me.
"Hey Daniel." I said. I was a bit nervous, now that Ryan saw us together. I was wondering what he was thinking. Yet, my mind went blank when Daniel suddenly kissed me on the cheeked. I blushed, which made him laugh. "What are you doing?"
Daniel took my hand in his. "Being a guy who isn't afraid to take your hand." He said.
I smiled at him, and no longer worried about Ryan, who stood there staring at us with wide eyes.