Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess, we seek it
thus and take it to the sky.
-Genesis, Crisis Core: FF7
Whether it is flying to the moon or going deep into the stars, for a long time now, mankind has ignored it's last frontier of the seas.
Is this because since the "dawn of time" man has been constantly accompanied by the stars in the night sky and the bright sun in the day? Perhaps it is because the stars never waiver and change, as do the seas and land. Or perhaps it is because the ocean holds a powerful meaning for us. Its eb and flow changes with the passing of the moon, and its colors differ from region to region. The temperatures are never the same always, and it holds power over us to create clouds of typhoons and many more devestating storms that attack us annually.
That's not to say we don't dream of something unique and special out there in the seas. Many are there stories of mermaids and sea nymphs, or ancient monsters lurking in the depths of the shadows where we cannot find them. A popular one includes the idea of USO - Unidentified Submerged Objects- a significant cousin to the UFO.
However, one thing has recently begun to baffle the minds of historians.
Why do all of the cultures speak of intelligence help from beings from the stars?
And why are there carvings and markings depicting such things? Have we truly been visited by beings from the stars, and are they still here, and if not, have they vowed to return? It sounds far too much like our stories of star-crossed lovers doomed to love each other for eternity but never to be together. Perhaps those such tales exist out of creation from the reality of it all.
Is this why we seek the sky? Is this why humans want to fly and grow wings? To become like the gods in the heavens? To finally reach the heavens themselves, no matter how far out in space we go? Just where are the heavens? How do we get there? Do we truly travel there when we die? Are we escorted by a carriage drawn by dragons or horses, or does a skeleton in black with scythe come for us? Are the gates made of gold in Heaven, and stone in Hell? Is the world of the dead - Heaven and Hell - really just one world- guarded by the mythological cats? Is this really the place where we might join our creator?
Why must mankind always perplex himself with these thoughts? Isn't it enough to accept that you won't know the answers to everything? Isn't it enough to live your life that you were given with the star for whom you were meant?
Sitting at my desk, scribbling away constantly, these are the thoughts I think. I've thought them more recently in greater quantities thanks to the fact that my star - my greatest love in this world - has died.
He was a figure of true beauty. Smooth skin, fine lashes, soft lips and hair that you could loose your entire hand in and be content. Gladly would you die for this man. Gladly would you kiss this man. Gladly would you give him your heart and soul.
This man, to whom I have dedicated my last twenty years of life, has consumed my whole life since birth.
Every minute has been spent by this man. I wake up to his smile. I smell him everywhere. I do work for him should he ask, I sing songs for him should he need uplifting, and I comfort him with sweet words when he is down.
On the day he died, that morning he had told me to leave and get him some roses. He gave me a very specific order. Red rich roses, with fine green leaves, and pair them in a bouquet of 25 with three sunflowers.
I stared at him and asked him why roses and sunflowers? They didn't match at all.
He answered me with that smile. "Because sunflowers grow tall to the sky, and that's where I want to go."
I didn't think on it much, not farther than "That's a unique comforting thought."
When I came back, his pulse had stopped. He had died.
For the first two weeks, every day I visited his grave to question the tablet with his name on what I should do without him there to guide me? I left him a single rose and sunflower each day. Gradually they began to pile up. After two weeks, I cleared them and replaced them with a single sunflower and said "I hope you reached the sky." And I never went back.
I had become a lost person. Another face in the crowd. A person who had lost someone dear. An unnamed soul. The night sky's stars seemed dimmer and the sunlight seemed sadder. I couldn't wait for the rain and snow to come in several months, to feel as though that nature was feeling the same way I was.
One day, reading through his old books, I found a journal of all the days before his death. Twenty years worth.
The first line of the first page said, "July 16th 1994: Ius was born today. My wife, Jenova, died in childbirth. Without her I am lost. I shall give all of my love to Ius, and all of Jenova's love. He shall be my star in the night's sky."
I continued to read. "August 23rd 1995: Ius took his first step today. It was later than I had expected, but he wanted to come to me. Joy filled me. Jenova would have babied him all this time, and spoiled him much worse than I have."
"September 13th 1996: Unlike Friday the 13th is today. Ius fell. He cried and wailed for so long. He's asleep now, with a smile on his face. I never get tired of looking at him. His blond hair and blue eyes. Ius is all I'll ever have."
"October 30th 1997: Ius dislikes Halloween. People in costumes scare him. Candy looks frightening to him. I shall never dress up as Santa Claus."
"November 12th 1998: It rained heavily today. Ius sang a song for me today. It was You Are My Sunshine. I gave him a Sunflower pillow as a reward. He loves it."
"December 24th 1999: Christmas. Ius dislikes presents. Paper, ribbon, boxes, and the mystery. It's a secret that's kept from him. He must dislike not being told something. I must tell him everything now. He must have taken after Jenova."
On and on the entries went, listing each day.
"Ius broke his left arm today." "Ius tried out for soccer today. He didn't make the team. We still play it together outside." "Ius was beaten up today. I offered to call the school, but he said it would be fine." "Today Ius told me he thinks he's gay. I told him to love whomever he desires."
Then I read something that hit my heart.
"April 4th 2009: Doctor Hara told me today I have cancer. I only have five years left to live. I told her I don't want surgery. I want to be with Jenova in the land of the dead high up in the sky. I vow to fill Ius with promising words of encouragement and wisedom. It's what Jenova would want. I shall teach our son to become clean-cut, smart, and caring."
"April 25th 2013: My time keeps dwindling, but my heart just soars. Every second I dedicate myself to knowledge for Ius, and every day I become one step closer to Jenova and one step farther away from Ius. My love as a father is interferring with my love as a husband."
"May 2nd 2013: 'Til death do you part.' I remembered that. Even in death, Jenova has been freed from me and me from her. We aren't bound to each other and I can be with Ius in full dedication without guilt. It's what Jenova would want, or so I tell myself that always. The happiness of the one you love is what you seek."
"December 19th 2013: Ius and I slept together intimately. He is my star, and I like to think that I am his light. I guide him and he gives me reason to live."
The last entry said: "May 16th 2014: I can feel the end here. I am ready to go to the sky. I have given Ius love of all levels. I am close to the gift of the goddess now. She looks down upon me and holds her hand out to me, welcoming me, encouraging me. I tell her no, I shall only go when I am sure Ius can be a fine man. I shall rise to the sky only then. I am proud he is my son. I am proud I love him as a lover now, and no longer just as a father. Jenova I love as well, but her death freed me from her and her from me, and I was allowed to give my heart to someone new. Ius and Jenova both, they are my stars.
And I was their light."
Then it hit me. This is why people seek the stars- the gift of the goddess is there.
I now believe this gift is eternal happiness- an ultimate level of happiness you can only experiance in your purest form without guilt, sadness or anger to hold you back.
My father, my lover, Mira has by now surely tasted this gift, and is enjoying it. I don't look forward to the day I die and taste this gift as well, or the hopes that I shall reach him again. No, I believe, he's tasted it and been reborn as someone new to find a new person to love and live on.
Til death do you part. Mira's death has freed me from him and him from me, just like when Jenova died. I can find someone else to love until the day I pass on. I hope to give them as much love as Mira has to me.
Perhaps this love is the true gift of the goddess, and we don't realize that until we rise up to the sky. We try to, and that's why we seek to fly and go into space, but that's another world we cannot touch in our watery solid forms as humans. Only as purest of kinds -as spirits.
Infinite in mystery is the gift of the goddess, we seek it
thus and take it to the sky.