I feel I may be a pathological liar; however, I am trying to change that statement. I'm done denying the lies I have woven in the past. They were my crutch, my defense; the way I found best enabled me to achieve my goals. I wanted to be accepted, to be looked up to, to have the attention and the approval of my peers, and so I would say that I did/could do things that made my life sound more attractive, that made it sound like I was better than those around me. However, I have found that people come and go, that I don't need the approval of others, and that if I want to be able to do something, I should work and practice for that talent. I have decided I want to be an honest person, not for the approval of others, but for myself; to rid myself of my guilt and shame, and to really appreciate the achievements I have made and the achievements of others.
I am in love, that is a fact I have never denied nor ignored, but love is difficult, and it is not the love we see on television, or read about in a book. I feel a strong, undeniable connection with one person in this world, and I would do anything for that person, but my lies get in the way of our relationship, and I feel without trust, there is no relationship, we each have to be able to trust each other. I know what caused us to break up, and I feel so guilty about it, but I am so fortunate that we have decided to give it a second chance, and that is why I am deciding to change. I feel there is no stronger force in this world than true love, and if I cannot change something that I want to change for myself with the support and for the cause of true love, then I must be incapable of changing it.
Religion is a funny thing; so many people get tied up in the ritual and the little details. I firmly believe that each person should have their first goal to be a good person.
"A King may move a man; a father may claim a son. That man can also move himself. And only then does that man truly begin his own game. Remember that howsoever you are played, or by whom, your soul is in your keeping alone; even though those who presume to play you be kings or men of power. When you stand before God, you cannot say "but I was told by others to do thus" or that "virtue was not convenient at the time." this will not suffice. Remember that." - Kingdom of Heaven (2005)
In this movie, the king, and a good friend of the protagonist, gives the protagonist the choice to have a corrupt and bloodthirsty husband of the king's sister, allowing the protagonist to marry into the position of king, and preventing a war that would ultimately destroy Jerusalem. The protagonist denies his request.
This action shows a great controversy, but one that must be addressed, does a man have a greater responsibility to his morals, or to the defense of the men around him. The previously mentioned protagonist could have become king, and possibly saved or postponed the death of thousands of men, however, who is to say those men would do no evil of their own? What man could say that the city would not have been attacked regardless? And was the protagonist truly the only one who could stop that war? It is true that he could have saved the lives of thousands of men, preventing a war, and defending innocents, but the king could have simply killed the bloodthirsty heir to the throne, or possibly convinced him to change his thoughts and eventual actions. The situation was presented to the protagonist as an ultimatum. To make one man bear the burden of indirect murder, or indirect slaughter, that is where the true flaw is, not on the protagonist, but upon the king (and obviously, the bloodthirsty heir to the throne).
This is one of the many points I have to support the fact that one should strive to be a good human being before all things, to not succumb to the thought of a little evil for a greater good. Although the situation is fictional, it could apply to anyone, be it to remove an enemy leader rather than negotiate. If we can lead by example, by being good people first then we can show others how to be good people, and only then can we create peace. That is what I believe to be the mission of modern day religion, with so many different beliefs, one should strive to find a religion that makes them a good person, never a religion that asks them to fight or kill for it, never a religion too rigid to allow peaceful action, but a religion that allows one to make the best of themselves. With such a diversity of people in this world, a diversity of personalities, of morals, we need to allow all religions, not to allow one to find the religion that gives them the most freedoms or the most happiness, but one that allows each person to become the best versions of themselves that they can be.
"I am not perfect, nor will I strive to be." - Justin Furstenfeld
...I will simply strive to be a honest person, for the sake of those I love, and those who love me, and to improve the world by improving myself, for even should I be incapable of doing good, let me learn to do no harm, and hopefully teach others how to do the same.