Wars at Home

Climbing the stairs, I thought about what I said to the children and wondered why it hadn't occurred to me before.

Of course it was hard to forget that Ruby didn't have a mother, but I don't know why I never made the connection between that fact and her behavior before. I'd been chalking her bad behavior and rudeness up to simply being spoiled and in desperate need of discipline. That was definitely part of it, but now it seemed obvious that there was much more to it.

Hadn't I always felt the void of not having my mother in my life? And I couldn't even remember her. Ruby's memories might be few and sketchy, but I was sure she remembered Jenny.

I'd always had Julia as a mother, and I couldn't have asked for a better one. But I'd also always known that she wasn't my real mother. She loved me just as much as if I had been her biological child, but I always knew I wasn't. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't wonder sometimes if she loved Jenny just a little bit more than she loved me.

But despite my insecurities, I always knew she loved me as a daughter. Even if I was unsure, at times, how much she loved me in comparison with Jenny, I never doubted that she did.

But what about Ruby? Julia loved her of course, but it would never be in the capacity of a mother. Julia would always be her grandmother.

If things were different, they might be able to have that parent-child relationship. But between Julia's non confrontational nature, Ruby's stubborn streak, and John's oblivion to Ruby's need for a strong parental influence, it was impossible.

And that left one confused little girl who probably wondered how much she was loved.

I know she didn't question John's love for her, but he wasn't around that much. It seemed unlikely that she didn't feel abandoned alot of the time. No doubt, it wasn't helping that no one was stepping up in that role when John was absent.

How could she know she was loved if no one ever seemed to care enough to fight for her? If she always got away with things because Julia and I were both too afraid to argue with John who was blind to her manipulation?

I'd been doing more in the area of discipline since arriving, but it had still only been on the surface. I did the type of things that anyone trying to keep order might do. Not the type of things a parent would do. I'd been so concerned with John's right to raise his daughter the way he wanted, that I'd allowed Ruby's needs be pushed aside.

Well, that was about to change. John and I would be talking about this as soon as possible. His guilt wasn't going to get in the way. It wasn't fair to allow Ruby to grow up so neglected.

I stopped outside of the girl's bedroom door and took a deep breath, taking a few seconds to prepare for the battle of wills that I knew was coming.

Ruby was already worked up from her fight with the children, and I knew her anger wouldn't have abated so soon. If anything it had most likely festered and grown since she ran upstairs. Being scolded and punished on top of it, wasn't going to be received well.

Well, I suppose I better get used to it. I had a feeling that my resolve to step up her parenting wasn't going to make things easier. This was probably going to be the first of many battles.

Raising my chin, I opened the door and went inside. Just as I guessed, Ruby looked furious. She was sitting in the rocking chair with her arms folded tightly in front of her.

With a defiant set to her jaw, she eyed me curiously as I shut the door and went to stand in front of her.

"Would you like to explain yourself?" I started calmly.

After a few seconds of debating, she must have decided that I didn't really care to hear an explanation but was only here to punish her. She stared at me with that challenging gleam in her eye and didn't say anything.

"Did you throw Peter's ball in the river?" I asked.

"Yes." She seemed proud of herself. "I'm sick of him always being a bully."

"That wasn't your ball." I ignored her comment. "You had no right to do that."

"He wouldn't let me play with them," she complained, gripping the arms of the chair. "He never does."

"I know." I nodded. "And it isn't fair, but if it's his ball, he doesn't have to let you play with it."

Ruby crossed her arms again, and sat back in the chair with a huff.

"Now, if Peter can find his ball and it's not ruined, you'll get off easy. You'll only have to apologize for what you did."

"I'm not apologizing to him!" she shrieked. "He doesn't deserve it! And I'm not sorry!"

"You will apologize," I said firmly. "I don't care if you think he deserves it or not."

She glared and raised her chin, and most definitely had no intention of doing what I said.

One thing at a time, I reminded myself. First I would lay out what she was going to do. I'd worry about enforcing it later.

"If the ball is ruined, you are going to buy him a new one."

Her mouth dropped open in shock, and I almost wanted to laugh at her expression.

"I don't have any money!" she cried, having recovered. "And if I did, I wouldn't spend it on him!"

"Which is why you'll be doing chores to earn it."

For the second time, Ruby was rendered momentarily speechless, the idea of having to do chores completely foreign to her. John certainly never made her do any work, Julia didn't have the determination to fight her will, and I'd been mostly focusing on her behavior, keeping her and Victoria from killing one another. But it was long past time for her to start helping out around the house.

"I'm not-" she tried, looking horrified.

"You should have been doing chores long ago, so you'll be doing them anyway." I didn't let her argue. "But if you've ruined Peter's ball, you'll get extra until I decide you've earned enough to pay for a new one."

I started to turn away, but decided she needed an actual punishment, not only one pending on if the ball happened to be ruined.

"You'll stay in this room until supper and come straight back afterward with no dessert," I added. "If you come out for anything other than an emergency, you'll be grounded all day tomorrow." It was just dumb luck that tomorrow happened to be Saturday, so I could threaten that without having to worry about school.

Deciding that was enough for now, I made my way back to the door and pulled it open.

"You're not my mother!" Ruby screamed, stopping me cold. "I don't have to listen to you! I hate you!"

I was really trying to stay calm through this. Ruby seemed to be able to aggravate me more than anyone I'd ever known, but I'd been doing really well up until now. That remark did it. That casual reference to Jenny, thrown out in anger, pushed me over the edge. As if I didn't wish, more than anything that my sister were here right now to, among other things, deal with her own child. As if I wanted this.

I turned back to face Ruby who was now standing in front of the chair, looking smug and probably thinking I had no answer for that.

She deliberately took a few steps toward the door to show me that she wasn't going to listen.

Not paying any attention to what I was grabbing, I picked up the first thing my hands found and smashed it down onto the floor. What turned out to be the wash pitcher, shattered into a thousand pieces, a foot in front of Ruby, making her freeze and stare at me with wide eyes.

"Sit down," I ordered with a harshness that even I was surprised to hear.

Seeming too frightened not to listen, Ruby fell back into the rocking chair, looking stunned.

I took a minute to restrain my temper before I started again.

"That's right." My voice was quiet but still far from calm. "I'm not your mother. You're mother isn't here. If she was, she'd be ashamed to see how disrespectful and spoiled you've become."

Ruby still looked surprised, but I could see the obstinance returning to her expression. She didn't like me turning her words around.

"Since she isn't here to do it, I suppose I'm going to have to take her place," I went on. "Because I'm certainly not going to sit by and let you continue to be this way. I loved my sister too much and I love you too much to let you."

She blinked, looking confused.

"Now, I suggest you get your attitude straightened out in a hurry or you're going to go over my knee and find out exactly what it's like to be one of my children in desperate need of some discipline."

That fearful and uncertain expression returned to her face and she just blinked at me for a minute, no doubt wondering if I really meant it. I didn't think she'd ever been talked to that harshly before, and I knew she hadn't experienced even one spanking in her life.

Her gaze moved to something behind me a second before tears filled her eyes.

"Daddy!" She cried, launching herself out of the chair.