The Beginning of the End—Violet Durn’s Monologue.
Her language is a bit confusing so here is a mini dictionary:
--Bonesprocket- used in Feed, it means to have a feeling of shame or humiliation.
--“Da da da “- used in Feed, it means “blah blah blah”.
--Null- used in Feed, it means boring or dumb. Stupid if you will.
--Meg- used in Feed, it means very, or greatly.
--Unetta/Unit- used in Feed, it means she/he, a term used by corporations.
--Upcar- used in Feed, it simply means a car.
--FeedTech- used in Feed, is the corporation that controls/manufactures the feed.
--"Brain neuron death"- used in Feed, means "Is that stupid", "is _ stupid", etc...
(“Feed.” by MT Anderson)
57.8%... why? What did I do that makes me deserve this? Huh? What? They denied me help! Me! Violet Durn, they denied me! That Nina… What does she know? Corporations are evil da da da they don’t care about me, I’m just a unetta to them anyway! So what if I took an interest in random things? So what if I had a unique consumer profile? I was me… That’s all that should ever matter in this world.. [break] I am sorry I might as well start from the beginning. Oh yeah, I have this thing in my head, called the feed nothing special. I got it when I was a kid. It’s just a machine in my brain. It replaced phones, computers, but as I stated, it’s nothing special. Anyway, I fell in love, yeah dumb thing to do right? Well whatever. I was a loner. So I went to the moon. The moon is so null, I can’t believe that place anymore. It’s just so… null. On the moon I met Titus and his friends. I could tell they were into Mal just by how they acted, and that they were a little off, but I don’t mind, that was the best day of my life, why? Because I guess you could say I finally had, friends? I don’t know… Let’s just say I am normally the odd one in the bunch. [break] Well after that fun trip to the moon a relationship started blooming. Titus and I began chatting over M-Chat, that means on our feeds, eventually Titus and I stopped M-Chatting and started to actually communicate in person! [break] Our first kiss was meg awesome! I took him to my garden, where a hole in space could be seen straightening some dead plants. Then Titus took my hands and looked into my eyes and said, “It’s like a squid being in love with the sky” then it happened! That’s right! We kissed! Sparks flew! It was meg cool! And now I am like so in love! Not much time passed after that before we became girlfriend and boyfriend. My first boyfriend! I wasn’t going to screw this up!
After that is where trouble all began. We decided while we were still on the moon that we would go to a club. I’m not into parties, but Titus insisted, so why not go? However… at this party there was a problem… There we ran into some hackers, who hacked into Marty’s, Link’s, Titus’, mine, and a few others feeds; I was really scared, I didn’ know what was going on, and before we knew it, we had woken up in a hospital. [break] From there, my life changed forever, because that was the day I was told that my feed was damaged more than anyone else’s. I didn’t know what to do… so I decided, for now… I would just keep it to myself… [break] So one day I got this idea! Why not resist the feed? It’s not crazy! Corporations are just using us like gold mines. They monitor our purchases and our interests to build up their business. So I decided to take an interest in random items, things that had no pattern and would lead me to basically not have a consumer profile. It seemed like such a great idea at the time… I also told Titus that my feed was malfunctioning… though somehow… I feel like he didn’t believe me… I don’t know… Maybe I am just insane…? [break] A few days later, Titus asked me to go upcar shopping, and he’s my boyfriend so of course I said sure. Did I have fun? No. oh da da da daddy’s buying you a new upcar, oh da da da you get test drive it. He’s… so spoiled! Of course… I really care about him…So I never told him that… I just kept it to myself…
Then trouble sky rocketed. This girl, Quendy, ugh, she is meg null! She called lesion’s stupid, I mean they aren’t the best but still! Well whatever… she is entitled to her opinion. While we were at this party, she was taking part in this thing called, “birching”, if you don’t know what that is, it’s when small artificial lesions are formed all over the body. It was… revolting! Does she not know anything? Was she having some kind of brain neuron death or something? Who knows. [break] So I told Titus of another idea I had, I thought this one was… creative. It was about America falling, you know failing. We have a two party system, nothing ever happens in a two party system! Both parties have their hands in the pockets of big businesses da da da! Because of the feed we are raising a nation of idiots! Ignorant… Self-centered idiots… I said those exact words… Well that didn’t go well, because then I realized that I had just called my boyfriend some of the harshest things I have ever said to anyone… I felt a great amount of bonesprocket… Though…. Somehow during my rant once again…. I feel like he was ignoring me… and once again… maybe it’s just me thinking that…?
And now… it’s the beginning of the end… After I yelled at Quendy and called her a monster, and criticized Titus and his friends, I collapsed on the floor. I woke up in the hospital again… there my father told me that my feed efficiency was 52.9%...luckily I was able to get treatment, and luckily that brought my feed up to 87.3%... but nothing lasts forever… While I was there, Titus came to visit me, and we talked a little. Though the sad part is that our conversation that day was meg awkward… [break] The aftermath of my malfunction was that I lost one year if memory, the year before I had gotten my feed… So to prepare for the loss of more memory, I compiled as many memories as I could into really large records and I sent them to Titus. I thought he would be the most reliable person to keep hold of all of my memories. Little did I know… he never got them… A little bit later, my father helped me write a petition to FeedTech. Why? Because I need help! I’m shutting down! Then I sent Titus a grand list of everything I wanted to do with him before my feed shut off for good. Dancing with him, having a dog named Thomas Paine, living with him, having grandchildren! There was something else I wanted to do… I wanted to forget that any of this had ever happened… and that includes for getting that he sat beside me at the hospital… I just…can’t risk holding onto those memories… [break] At long last I had finally heard from FeedTech through one of their assistants named Nina. Granted this was after my leg froze and I fell down stairs but still it made things look brighter! Well Nina told me that I was being denied for a new feed, because my customer profile was unstable! She said it was… strange… Well of course it is! I am defying the feed! Then that idiot had the nerve to ask me if she could take me shopping for a new viable feed! So I told her what I had to. Screw off. [break] Now I am waiting… I am hoping Titus loves me enough that he will stay through this all with me… I am so meg in love with him! I can’t even put it into words! And if he loves me as much as I love him… and maybe, together… I will get a new feed.