May 1 1993
"What if we die" words that should taste like vinger have become way to a common for me . At eight years old I feared death each time I walked through the doors. I clenched onto my brothers hand praying I'd never had been born? The Second that my brother opened that door changed my life forever.
The stench of cigarette smoke and weed filled the room.My mom put out her cigarette in her rum and she stared at me her eyes were red and her hair was falling out , She looked like a evil monster. I clenched to my brother digging my nails into his skin.
"TRASH YOU KIDS ARE TRASH THIS PLACE NEEDS TO BE CLEANED AND YOU JUST SIT THERE LIKE SIMPLTONS "My mom barked on and on and ON about what rotten kids we were It lost effect I'm use to it .
I wanted it to stop I held my ears and begged her to stop I was sick of my dad and mom making me feel worthless!
'"Oh dearest Elizabeth your the worst of all you dear were a mistake" she said stroking my blond curls
"SHUT UP" I screamed
My moms big hands came swinging at my face she knocked me down my body shook each time she hit me it was like needles punching my skin I cried but it just made my mom more mad She hit me more.
She got bored and was like peace I'm out forever thats the last time I heard that voice .
June 3 1993
I didn't understand the tears,The sobbing that came from my dads room.But I had more pain I hadn't ate in weeks my tummy twisted and groaned.My dad forgot about me .We found money for food we rationed it fairly but it wasn't enough,Why didn't he care he just cried. Save me someone
June 10 1993
Walking into that old building again are life's moved on and mom was a memory . The trash filled the floors and rat poop everywhere We got into are house everything felt different the same little couch in the little living room and are black and white tv that only played a couple of stations the paint chipped off the walls and the fridge only had 3 dollar wine and some cocktail cherry's in it to us this was life this was are home are norm . I had to pee we only had one bathroom in the house I made my way to the door blood was seeping out of the door my breathe stopped I just stood there and let the blood touch my toes. I wasn't gonna say nothing as i opened the door I saw my dad laying there in a pool of blood I tried to scream But nothing came out I saw the pistol that fell out of his had and little pieces of pink brain scattered everywhere . I cried and fell so my father I put my head into his chest his body was cold but my tears were warm and kept my face hot . I Asked why he did this I never understood . I had seen people get murdered I thought thats what it was . MY brothers came to me , I think they heard me cry brandon Hugged me tears fell from his eyes . Patrick faced burned with anger
"who did this" I asked
"You don't understand he killed himself you idiot were orphans no one wants me you or brandon "Patrick shouted his face turned as red as his hair .
I wept bitterly.And ran into my room the words "no one wants us you idiot" burned in my head.I started to smash my head on my dresser .I wanted to be loved why didn't no one love me!I had so much anger so much sadness .My brother called the cops. I was angry at that to I didn't want anyone to know are business . In about four hours the cops and ambulance came and this lady from social services she said her name was Maria Rodriguez she had black curly hair tied in a ponytail and black eyes that twinkled she had lots of lipstick on She smiled and hugged me and said "OH your so cute hun"
I winked and said "I know"
She laughed and thought I was just the funniest thing ever .
She asked a lot of questions like ,Wheres your mom? I just said I dunno.They said if i lied I'd be in serious trouble . I answered quickly so they could be sent on there way .But she took me to a place called an adoption house. Since I dint even know my last name.
It was a huge house in the country the roads weren't paved I sat with my suitcase in my hand worried my palms sweat .The house was white . Maria Knocked on the door a young blond women answered and told me to come in there was shouting children and playing and toys everywhere! The blond lady shouted "ADDIE show are new guest her room"
A girl that was black came she was 8 or 9 she had black pig tails and only a couple teeth . She led me up the twisty stair case the walls were painted white and there was pictures of kids all over the walls she said there was a picture of every kid who ever stayed here. There was kids names on each of the doors she led me down the long never ending hallway . When we got to my room It had two bunk beds in it The only bunk left was a bottom bunk It had Pink sheets I loved it here ! I got to play barbie's down stairs with Addie and another girl Cynithia-Rose She came all the way from ALABAMA!Before I knew it, It was time for bed . I went up to my room the blond lady tucked me and the other girls in I shared my room with a girl named Fawn she had red hair and blue eyes she was 7 and from Chicago and her daddy drank a lot and hurt her and her younger brother I felt awful for her . I loved listening to her talk . I told her I felt lonely she got off her bed and said "If you ever feel lonely just know your with people that loves you dearly" . I Still felt sad but soon enough I got over it.