Travis and Steve
Travis stopped moving when he heard a splash followed by total darkness.Travis held his position and chuckled listening to his friend thrash around in the cold water...cussing a streak as he slipped several times before regaining his footing.Travis could'nt resist a perfect oputurnity for a jab......... "Steve....you gonna swim around all day..or do you want to finish and get out of this damn cave?"
"FUCK YOU !!" Steve blasted back....."Motherfuckin,goddamit to hell....you and your friggin coin tosses are really beginning to chap my ass........."
"And get it wet..." Travis snuck in
"ASSHOLE!!" Steve responded "at least turn on your lamp so I can get out of here without breaking my neck! Man-o-man I am one tired sonofabitch and now I gotta slop around here soaking wet....shiiiiiiiiiiiitttttt...I need a beer!"
Crouching,Travis reached down to his waist and flipped on his light and began to remove it. "Here he said Take mine and lets keep moving......besides it was a fair toss and you know it budro!"
"Yeah,yeah I lost the toss HELL I always lose the damn toss!" Steve muttered in reply.
"Right,and loser had to lead...and that s you DUDE ! So move your wet ass! I m as tired and hungry as you are.......just not as wet!"
"Yeah,yeah,yeah,yeah quite your bitchin and gimme the lamp and drag my sorry ass out of this sorry ass of a excuse for a cave" Steve grumbled as he attached the lamp to his waist belt
"Right,and watch your step...another slip like the last one and we will sit here in the dark until a lamp dries out....."
A muttered fuck you was all Travis heard. Taking advantage of the short break he leaned against the damp wall of the cave to rest his sore knee. He could hear Steve muttering an ocasional blue word,atesting to the fact that he could nt finish a sentence without the use of a cuss word or two. Travis leaned his head back against the wall and let his thoughts drift,and thought about the first time he met his friend......in fact....cussing a blue streak was the first thing he ever heard from Steve.....
It was early in his senior year of high school. He was headed for the public library,a place where he had spent many a pleasant evning.When he was young he developed a unquenchable thirst for the printed word,anything was fair game for his searching eyes.He loved to read so much.....he could not go to sleep at nite without first reading for a few minutes.
Takeing a short cut thru the alley behind the library,he was about half way thru the alley when he heard a shout from the darkness ahead.Quietly moving closer he could see that three guys were crowded around one guy. Even tho the surounded guy was outnumbered and out sized,the guy was turning the air around him a cobalt blue with his swearing. Travis edged closer to the group and winced as he heard the language the guy was using. He remembered thinking about how many bars of soap his mother would have used washing out his mouth if she heard him use even ONE of those words around her.
Even tho Travis did'nt think of himself as a fighter,he could'nt stand to see someone ending up on the short end of the stick,especially when it was some very large guys ganging up on one smaller person.
Stepping from the shadows,Travis walked towards the group and hollered in the toughest voice he could muster,"Hey you guys...cut it out...three against one just ain t right!!"
"Fuck you punk!" The biggest one said as he shoved the smaller guy into the arms of his two friends, this slimeball punk don't belong round here......and we re gonna teach him a lesson he wont forget so he ll stay out of our territory...."
"Hey,I don t know about any of that......all I know 3 against 1 is sucky odds..."
"Ok tough guy ...you want it fair...then you can join asshole here to even out the odds a bit...so take your pick.....which one of us do you wanna take on first ?"
Right then Travis knew he was in deep shit.He had never been in many fights while growing up.He had found it easier to turn the other cheek rather than get his ass whipped.He knew this was one of the times he could'nt talk his way out.
Trying to stall for time,hoping someone would come into the alley and maybe put a stop to what was about to happen.he looked over at the guy who was the reason for his being in the spot and asked "Hey how you doin?"
With a slight grin mixed with a grimace,the guy straightened up in the arms of the two thugs holding him and replied "Well to tell you the truth,could be better,could be worse............."
"Hey Bruce" the thug holding onto the guys right arm said to the big guy standing in front of Travis "Why don't you let them flip a coin ....shit mouth here can call it and the loser gets his ass kicked first!"
Bruce laughed, "Good idea" he said as he dug in his pocket for a coin.pulling out a quarter he tossed it to Travis and said....."Since your so concerned about fair play and all that shit,you flip the coin,asshole here can call it and the loser gets to take me on first."
Travis looked from Bruce to the guy he was forced to side with and recieved a grin and a slight wink. Travis shook his head,returned the wink and decided it was now or never. Without warning he flipped the coin high above their heads and said..."Call it."
"HEADS!" The guy screamed as the coin arched about six feet above their heads....
while the coin held evryones attention,Travis spun and kicked the guy called Bruse square in the balls,Bruce screamed,cupped his balls and fell.Travis grabbed a board from the rubbish around his feet and moved towards the two thugs holding the other guy.Stunned at seeing their leader on the ground crying and puking,their prisoner stomped on one thugs foot,then spun to trip the the other thug backwards......
Relizing they had one chance,Travis and the guy ran like hell for the street. Bursting from the alley they ran along the side of the library and turned and turned at the corner and ran for the safety of the well lighted entrance. As they pounded up the library steps Travis was amazed at the guys audacity....one minute about to get his ass creamed....and the next running loose and cool and laughing.
Stopping outside the library doors to catch their breath before entering ,Travis had to ask "Okay,whats so funny about both of us nearly getting our asses kicked all over the damn alley ?"
Bending over to catch his breath,the other guy snickered again before ansering.
"I'm sorry man....I really appreciate your help......the coin toss.....i lost it before you took on Bruce....and the quarter....i grabbed it before running...now those assholes will never know who lost..AND I got Bruce's quarter !"
Succumbing to a fit of laughter the guy slid to the floor as Travis stood and watched him while thinking about who would win the next toss of the coin.................
Steves's voice jarred Travis back to the present,
"Hey Travis...Yo dickbreath !"
"You talking to me ? Donkey Dick" Travis answered.
"No shit Man,I just want you to know........I enjoy checking out these caves you find,and fun is fun,BUT we ve been in this wet motherfuckin cave for five days......five days of artificial light,artificial food......and wet...wet all the damn time...every damn second of evry damn day for five damn days..."
Travis interupted "You forgot one thing Steve..."
"You had ME for company the entire time....."
YOU.....You motherfucker.......always happy, ready for any goddamn thing..........JEEZ..
If I'd a known about all the agravation i've suffered over the years.....why...WHY I would've forgot all about saving your ass in that alley !!!!!!
And deprive yourself of all the fun we ve had over the years.
Stopped in his tracks,Steve stared at his at his friend for a moment then turned to continue leading the way.All the time muttering curses and dire threats of a severe beating AFTER they left the cave and AFTER they got back into the civilized world,and most importantly AFTER he had a beer......then maybe a deserved ass-whippin would happen.
A few hours later,they had sloshed their way back to the main entrance chamber. Steve paused for a moment and looked up at the small circle of light which defined the exit to the cave....and started in again......
"Damn, I can feel it all now......soaking in a hot tub of water,sucking down one of MANY ice fucking cold beers. Then I m gonna pretty myself up and go out and find me a WOMAN ! Then i ll sweep her off her feet with my tales of danger and derring-do while down in this deep dark pit of hell........Shit..I m ready !!"
"Yeah right Steve...are you really going to tell them that your feats of derring-do was mostly getting your ass soaked and trying to avoid jock rot ?"
"DAMN Trav......you think any woman with half a brain in her head will jump my bones if I told the TRUTH?...HELL no,and you know it.......just remember.... if any chick asks if your grateful to me for saving your life......just go with ..ok?"
"Your kidding me......right?"
"Shit no man,I m serious as a heart attack!"
"Seriously Steve any woman that sees you aproaching with a tent over your crotch and that wild gleam in your eye,and drool running down your chin....she will NOT hang around to hear your lies ...but she will run..not walk..run for the hills!!!!"
"WELLL you just hang around and observe,my friend,and I will teach you the fine art of meeting women.......and if your real damn lucky,i might just give you one of my rejects."
"That's ok Steve,don't do me any favors......i think i ll just relax and count how many times you get your face slapped during the night...."
By then Steve was squirming thru the exit hole and all Travis could hear was a muttered "Fuck off Doc! "
Once Steve was standing outside the cave entrance,Travis passed all their gear out to him and then sruggled and squirmed thru the tight hole to stand next to his friend. Strecthing to get the kinks out of his back,Travis relized it was nearly dark.
"Well ,at least we got enough light to get all the gear loaded into the bronco."
"Yeah" Steve answered "and I can hear the beers and the babes calling my name already......"
"Yeah right steve........"
Grabbing their gear they quickly descended the slight hill above their camp and started throwing all of the gear into the rear of the bronco,scraped what muck they could off themselves and climbed into the bronco. Travis fired up the engine and let it idle for a minute to warm up.
"Hey Trav..how far is it to that little burg we passed thru on the way out here? I need a piss stop and a brew REALLY bad.."
Glancing down at the fuel gauge Travis answered...."Well, your in luck.... that
"FUUUUUUCK you ,Travis.......It
"Tell you what, Steve,We
"AARRGGGHH! I knew it !! I just knew you would say that,.....BUT just to save myself some aggravation......I
"What a guy.... "
Travis laughed and said "Thank god for empty gas tanks and desparate dudes needing beer......look out world the gruesome twosome are headed home !"
Travis slipped the Bronco into gear and headed down the dirt road towardws the highway as Steve let loose with a rebel yell and a yippee ki yi mother fuckers drifted in the wind as they vanished into the darkening evening..............