My first week in Knives was painful, both literally and figuratively. Even after a week of pondering it, I still couldn't figure out why Mary and Don had brought me to this place. I just couldn't figure it out.
I sighed and looked around my room. The only time I got to leave was for meals. I was starting to feel trapped. And I did not like it. I hadn't been outside in a whole week. I felt like I hadn't seen color in months. I was really beginning to hate all the white here.
"Time for lunch, Gabriel," the lady from the front desk said opening my door.
I groaned, but followed her from the room.
She led me to the cafeteria.
I picked at my food, looking out of the barred windows longingly. I really needed some fresh air. And I was certainly lacking in the vitamin D department.
I began plotting right then and there.
I was going to get outside if it killed me.
As they began leading us back to our rooms or various activates I blended into the crowd as best as I could.
I passed a storage closet.
I stopped, smirked, and walked back to it.
I tried the handle.
It was unlocked.
I smirked more. This was too perfect.
I walked inside and sat in a dark corner.
I figured that the people would be gone in at least thirty minutes.
All I had to do was wait.
So I sat in the dark closet listening to the people's voices and footsteps come and go.
After what I thought was thirty minutes I figured it was safe to at least check.
I crawled to the door and opened it a crack.
There was no one around.
I smiled, stood up, walked from the room, and closed the door quietly behind me.
Now the hard part; trying to find a door to the outside without getting caught.
I looked around.
I normally have a pretty good sense of direction, but who knows about it in this place.
Okay, I thought. Which way?
Right or left?
Suddenly I heard a cough.
Time to start moving, Gabe, I thought as I began to move.
I took the hall to the left.
I heard footsteps behind me.
I sped up looking around franticly for anything that could be a door to the outside.
The footsteps sped up too.
I shuddered at the thought of who, or what, the owner of those footsteps could be.
I turned a corner.
The footsteps followed me.
After what must have been the fifth corner I turned I began shaking with fear.
The footsteps were gaining on me.
"You are almost there," a voice said.
"Keep going," another said.
"Just a little more," a third said.
My breathing was becoming louder and I could hardly walk because of my shaking, but I pushed on.
It felt like there was someone, or something, right behind me.
I did not like that feeling.
Suddenly I reached a dead end.
Panicking, I looked around.
There was a door.
I opened it.
It led to a courtyard.
I let out a breath.
I did it!
Feeling accomplished, I looked around.
It was really pretty, there were trees and flowers everywhere with benches where you could sit. There were several people around and even some staff members but none of them paid any attention to me.
I picked a bench below a maple tree and sat down.
I took a deep breath of cool, fresh air.
That was the best feeling that I had had in a while.
I smiled to myself as I looked around more.
Pretty soon I began to feel sleepy.
I laid down on the bench and drifted off into a peaceful sleep.
There was a harsh buzzing sound.
It was too bright.
It was too warm.
It was uncomfortable.
I forced my heavy eyes open.
I was in my room.
I sat up.
Where was I before?
What was I doing?
For a minute I couldn't remember.
But then it came back to me; I had found the courtyard and I had fallen asleep.
What was I doing back here?
How long was I sleeping?
I usually wasn't a heavy sleeper.
My body felt like lead. My head was throbbing. And there was a loud ringing in my ears.
I stood up and instantly regretted it.
I got dizzy and fell back down on the bed.
I groaned and held my head in my hands.
Once the dizziness passed I tried to get up again, but slowly this time.
I walked to the door.
There was no one around.
Did I miss dinner?
My stomach growled at the thought of food.
I cursed and banged my fist on the door.
It swung open.
I walked from the room and looked around in the hallway.
Where was everyone?
I figured it couldn't hurt to go try to find some food.
I shrugged and walked to the cafeteria.
No one was in there either.
It was dark outside the windows.
I briefly wondered what time it was.
But I got distracted by the smell of still warm mac and cheese.
My stomach growled.
I got some food and sat down in the eerily quiet cafeteria.
After I finished eating I went to go put my bowl in the sink.
Something shiny caught my eye.
I walked over to it.
I touched the blade slightly.
I slowly picked up the knife and brought it with me to the sink.
I washed my bowl and set it in the dish drainer.
Then I washed the knife thoroughly and dried it with a towel. God only knows what it's been cutting…
I stuck it in the pocket of my hoodie and walked from the room.
I walked quickly to my room, praying that I wouldn't get caught.
I made it to my room and shut the door behind me.
I sat down on the floor away from the door and took the knife from my pocket.
I looked at it.
It was just a normal kitchen knife, with a black handle and a silver triangle blade. It was in good condition and it looked like it had been sharpened recently. I frowned at the reflection of my eyes in the blade. I hated my eyes. They made me freakish.
I rolled up the sleeve of my hoodie.
I ran the tips of my fingers over my scars.
I took the knife and brought it across the flesh of my left wrist.
I hissed at the familiar sting.
I brought the knife across my wrists again and again.
I did it until there were ten cuts on each wrist.
I giggled as the blood poured from my wrist and onto the floor.
When the blood had mostly stopped I hid the knife under my mattress and walked to the bathroom.
I ran water over my arms and giggled at the sting of the hot water.
I shut off the water and rolled down the sleeves of my hoodie.
I walked from my bathroom and laid down on my bed.
I pushed the hair from my face and rolled over.
I closed my eyes and tried to relax.
"Gabriel," a deep voice hissed.
My eyes snapped open.
"Gabriel," it hissed again.
It chuckled and said hatefully, "You are worthless."
I covered my ears with my hands.
It just laughed louder. "You do not know what pain is! You are a worthless and useless boy!"
"No!" I said shaking my head.
"You are worthless," it hissed angrily.
"I matter!" I argued.
It laughed once. "No one matters, boy!" it spat.
Tears started spilling out from my eyes. "I matter," I sobbed.
"You are worthless! You are useless! You are a waste of space! You burden the world by breathing!"
I rocked back and forth and sobbed helplessly at the voice's words.
It laughed harshly.
I banged my fists on my head. "Get out!" I screamed.
"Get out!!" I screamed louder.
The laughter finally faded.
I hugged myself and tried to slow my breathing.
Something in the corner of my vision moved.
I snapped my head over to look at the wall.
A shadow moved across it.
Only that wasn't possible because there were no windows in my room.
I shivered as the shadow faded.
There was something here. I could just feel it. And I was going to find out about this place no matter the cost.