Numb. That was the only word I could conjure in my mind to describe the sensation that was flowing through me. Numb… and cold.
I could see only black. The darkness was so thick that I thought if I extended my hand, that I would be able to touch it. But, I couldn't touch anything. I could not feel anything. Numb.
Even my mind felt extremely dulled, like my senses. My memories and ability to use words it a sentence only came to me while I actually used them. I could not even think of the word darkness until I my thoughts simply narrated what I saw, the flow of words that seemed natural, which was still darkness, pure, thick, unchanging darkness.
The more thoughts I had, the more I could remember. Like each step forward my mind took was a light, breaking through the wall of fog, hiding my memories.
Soon many pieces of my mind had returned to me. I used to write poetry, dark and beautiful words of death and love would flow from my quill to the dray white paper. The darkness around me reminded me of the ink I would use. So… black. I remember I used to wear a lot of black clothing. I found it fashionable, my wife didn't like it- wife. I had a wife. A beautiful wife, who I loved so much. Suddenly I remember how to feel sadness, and the feeling flows into me as the memories do. I saw laughter, happy faces- faces? There was another smile. A smaller one… son.
I had a son. I had a family. Had.
Why was I haunted by these images of past love and warmth within my mind? Instead of seeing them before my eyes? Where did all the smiles go? Why was there only void?
How did I get here? I don't remember a beginning and, I see no end. This place I am in blinds both my eyes and my brain. I feel nothing, hear nothing. I am so alone.
I cannot move my body. Every joint is stiff- frozen.
I felt nothing. No need to eat, no need to sleep. I simply staying conscious, constantly aware of my existence and the existence of my surroundings.
I moved. I moved my right index finger. Did it really happen? Did I only imagine it? Perhaps I will be able to move again, hopefully soon… hope. I never wrote about hope much. Hope wasn't what I used for my poetry. But, now hope was the only thing left of me.
If I had the ability to cry, I surely would have been doing so now. I've extended my arm forward, and I felt something. Not like one feels a kiss or the touch of fire, but my hand met something solid. Something that stopped it from finishing the extenuation of my arm.
This was my enemy. This was my chance to fight the darkness.
Was I in a box? A box made for a man?… a coffin! I've written about so many coffins in my work. I had written about men being buried alive. Had this happened to me? But, how then did I not hunger or grow tired? Why was my conciseness infinite?
These thoughts were irrelevant. If I was in a box, then there surly must be light outside of it.
I pushed against the solid material. I pushed with all my strength, and the strength of the memories of my family… lost… but not forgotten. I had to see the smiles again. I had to.
Numbness. Once my agony, now my salvation. I had both hands on the sold material, I was commanding my body. It was my will. My demands. I refuse. To be a.. victim. The darkness is my domain now and it will obey me, I am king here.
I felt. I felt power. Power surged through me and I saw. I saw a glow that pierced the darkness that I had come to know and despise. But, the darkness was now my servant with one final push.
The wall of the box fell.
I could see again. All before me was now mine to have.
The process was slow, but I was walking. At first it was impossible to move but, I took the time to savor my new sense of sight. Everything was blurred at first, like a painting that had water poured on it. Now, sight was mine and the darkness was gone. I saw dimply lit room, there were lit torches and many coffins standing up straight. Was I in a coffin the whole time? It doesn't matter anymore...
I looked down at my feet as I took my first step. I was dressed in all black, formal attire, my hands were wrapped in bandages. I believe that my head was also wrapped up for, I could not open my mouth. The black and white cloth covered my body, hanging off of me loosely, but not stoping me. Perhaps I had lost much weight from not eating for so long. I haven't felt the need to do so in so long that I couldn't remember the last meal I had.
With each step, I heard a cracking and grinding noise. Everything felt so stiff and many of my joints popped as I made my way towards the door.
I had gained much strength, as if with each step I grew more
I now had a new domain to conqure, a new challenge to rule the light as I had the darkness- no, I had to see my family. I have to see the smiles again.