"Out of my way, you filthy slack-jaws!" Jessie screamed, plowing yet another hoard of zombies into the dirt with her giant mallet. She was smashing rotting skulls so quick, I could barely keep up.
"Slow down, stupid!" I shouted. "Stay on your guard, Jess. They sneak up on you!"
"I know, I know," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Jeez, Skye. Loosen up."
"That's what'll get you killed!" I snapped, swinging my battle-axe at another zombie throat.
We were in Intestinal Cemetery, fighting a hoard of leg-dragging, stink-breath zombies in the middle of the night. Welcome to the life of Skye Thompson.
"Ewww! They're so gross!" Jessie squealed, slapping away a disembodied hand that was still wiggling around.
Zombies are the foulest creatures on earth. They, as you might know, are the living dead. But what you didn't know is that they actually exist. Oh yeah, people. They're out there.
I took a final swing of my axe, instantly beheading about eight zombies at once. Their heads made a sickening THUNK as they hit the ground. Greenish slime splurted from their necks, showering my shirt with the putrid goo. I gagged. It smelled like rotten eggs! Well, what can you do?
I sighed and wiped my brow. "I think that's the last of 'em."
"Sweet! I'll report to Soldier Titus," Jessie sang as she whipped out her diamond-studded bubble gum pink cell phone. "Burn the bodies."
"Yeah, yeah," I grumbled, already dousing the rotting (and in some cases, still moving) corpses with the gasoline we had brought. I lit a match and threw it.
The cemetery lit up with the blindingly bright light. I watched the bodies burn, completely mesmerized.
"You ready, Skye?" Jessie called. "Let's go! I need a freakin' shower!"
I nodded and caught up to her. "I am so not looking forward to school tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" she laughed. "You mean in four hours?"
I groaned. "Please kill me."
"Your not a zombie yet, sweetie," she winked.
"There's an eyeball in your hair."
Jessie shrieked and shook out her short, choppy pink hair frantically. The eyeball slid out of her hair and rolled onto the grass. "Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew!"
I laughed and shook out my own brown, curly hair. Leaves, dirt and other unmentionable disgusting things flew out.
"Yeah, let's go," I said.
Our school isn't really like your school. I mean, in most ways it is like a normal school. It has classes, students, teachers…
But one fact sets it apart from all the others: Our school is designed to train it's students to become full-fledged zombie killers.
The Death for Zombies Academy, or the DFZ as we like to call it.
There are five levels of zombie fighters. The Level Ones (or, little unos) are those who first enter the DFZ at about age ten or so. At age fourteen, they test you on skill and ability. If you pass, you're promoted to Level Two. The weak usually don't make it past this level.
Once you make it to Level Five, meeting all DFZ requirements, you're accepted into a prestigious group called the Soldiers. They have the highest rank in the zombie-hunting world.
I, myself, at eighteen just got promoted to Level Three. When I reach Level Five, I'll finally be Soldier Skye!
But I shouldn't get ahead of myself here. I've still got a lot of work ahead of me.
Getting back into the dorms was hell. Jessie and I tried to creep in as quietly as possible…Until Jessie stepped on a stray cat's tail. The cat freaked out and sprinted right smack into a stray dog who also freaked out and chased the cat into a janitor's closet, immediately causing an avalanche of bucket and mops to come spilling out onto the floor.
Of course, the whole freakin' dorm woke up and the dorm mother, Ms. Bartleby, ripped us a new one.
Which brings me to name three reasons why I seriously hate dorm life:
1. No privacy
2. Bitchy dorm mothers
3. Random stray animals everywhere (but that could also be due to the lack of security around here.)
So, in conclusion, I felt like crap in the morning. I skulked up the concrete steps that led into the huge DFZ.
And when I say huge, I mean HUGE. It has the main four-story building, and then it has these two gargantuan towers on either side. It was a sight to behold.
Right above the main door (Which is made of steel, by the way. How weird is that?) were the words "Death For Zombies Academy" with the DFZ's insignia right by it. A brain with two criss-crossing swords impaling it.
I sighed and kept walking. Right when you walk inside, the first poster you see had the three main guidelines to fighting a zombie.
Rule #1: Wield your weapon proudly and face your enemy head on. There's no point in running.
Rule #2: Control your breathing and pace yourself. Zombies are hard to kill, so don't rush.
Rule #3: Go for the throat!
I smiled to myself. If only Jessie would pay attention to the rules. She almost got herself killed last night.
"Skye! Hey, Skye. Wait up!"
Well, speak of the devil.
Jessie caught up to me. "Hey! Soldier Titus said he'd give us extra credit for that mission we busted last night, since it kept us up so late."
Soldier Titus was our homeroom teacher.
"Sweet!" I shouted. "So is he gonna let us off the hook for that Weapon Skills test today?"
"Uh-no," Jess sighed. "He's not that cool."
"Crap!" I groaned. "Well, it's his fault if we fail. Come on, we're gonna be late."
And so goes another day in the good ol' DFZ.