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As Above, So Below, In Between and Beyond...

Novel By: pheonixchild
Horror


A girl disappears and doesn't come back, no one knows who she was and don't care, until dead bodies start to pile up. New girl comes and makes the deaths come more rapid. Then after they build a new school another new girl Azumi, is ready to kick some ghost ass and then some.

Once again i have reposted this story. It was called Gone, then called Malevolent Spirits and other things and is now called As Above, So Below, In Between and Beyond... View table of contents...

Chapters:

1 2 3

Submitted: Sep 12, 2008    Reads: 83    Comments: 5    Likes: 0   


Prolouge


Clatter of key chains, running footsteps, scuttle, and a scream that could wake the dead.

The story goes that a young girl went to school one day and never came home. To this day, no one knows what became of her. It was as though she was invisible. Just that girl in the back of class with no friends, but the smartest one in class. The one that stays inside during breaks and wanders the halls. The one that spent most of her time reading or doing some sort of craft; she made her own key chains and always wore them around her wrist. She was the peculiar one; she was that girl that appeared to be a lost, wandering soul. Which may explain why no one paid any attention to her, they just remember the key chains she wore around her wrist and the way they made a clattering noise.

After a year from when she was reported missing, she was declared dead, and only her family grieved. No one atschool knew her well enough to give a damn. Then all of a sudden kids at the school turned up dead in the most horrifying, bizarre, ways.

One kid had computer cords tied around his neck and a pencil in his eye. Another had a desk leg piercing his gut, wentall the way through. And the most recent one had his throat slit from scissors, had his wrists slit was stabbed about 16 times with the scissors and was electrocuted and the body left in the bathroom.....
The blood bath of it all.........

Some believe that it’s the young girl’s spirit taking revenge on the students for making her life hell. Others think that it’s some sick bastard causing trouble and damning his soul to the devil himself. But no one truly knows how or why........

People ask why prey on kids, what have they done? But they've done more than people think, they aren't, weren't, those sweet little angels that people thought them to be........With all the deaths happening of course spots will open up at the school.
So here comes a new girl, will be in fact the new girl.....she came to the school, all nice and happy as you can be for someone who just moved here.

She of course has no idea that death has plagued the school, has no idea of the alleged curse, any of it. She entered her first class and looked for aplace to sit. She sees that there are three seats open she looked at the one all the way in the back in the middle and never gave it a second thought. Then she looked at another one in the backcorner said no to that. Then she looked at the seat that was far away from the rest of the class but not too far that she was in her own land and sat there.

The kids in the classroom looked at her in bewilderment. Her just noticing all eyes on her, she just guessed that it was because she's new and nothing more. But then they wouldn't stop staring and she finally speaks up and says "What?” silence, pen dropping silence.

Then a kid finally speaks up but no more than a whisper and says,
"You totally avoided the dead girl’s seat and the other one where Billy, who died in the bathroom, sat." They all silently agreed and the girl just sat there not knowing what they speak of, so she pays no mind to it.

Or so she promised toherself.
It was very hard to not get curious, for whispers went all over the school. All about her and how she sat in a chair, sounding odd beyond words to her. Then a brave soul came up to her and said "Come with me."

Curious at what he wanted to show her, she followed with no questions. Then they stop at some sort of memorial, and the guy points to it and says,
"This is the dead girl’s memorial, the ones whose seat you avoided. She was declared dead after like a year of searching for her. They say she died here and that now her spirit plagues the school. This is why you have become so famous, school wide, so fast."

Her mouth dropped in horror and bewilderment, so that’s why it was so strange to totally avoid that seat......."Thanks for explaining it to me." The guy nods and says all cryptic like,
“Be warned she may not like it that you, who barely came to this school, are already a celebrity. So be on your guard always, because she’s a sad and angry soul hungering for what she wants most dear."
"What’s that?” the girl asked the guy.
"Revenge" he said again with a cryptic voice.
"Revenge?" asked the girl, the guy nodded and said,
"You better watch your back." Not knowing how critical it was for her to understand, she nodded.

If only anybody knew how much danger there was, they wouldn't have let the kids go to school but they did. And are now paying the price for it.

See, instead of finding one dead kid they found them all dead, one giant bloody massacre. The walls of the school were caked in blood. There were too many deaths for them all to have proper funerals for, not to mention they couldn‘t always find the missing body parts. These were dark times for the young and stupid.


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Comments:

This story is really good and intriguing. I really like the idea and it's very interesting.

However, about the technical aspects of your story, I have a few things to say.

1) You need to separate the paragraphs a bit more to make it easier to read. Now if this is a rough draft or not I don't know, but I'll give you an example.

"No one at school knew her well enough to give a damn. Then all of a sudden kids at the school turned up dead in the most horrifying, bizarre, ways."

This whole paragraph should have been separated a bit more and same with the longer paragraphs, unless there's no way possible.

"No one at school knew her well enough to give a damn.

Then all of a sudden kids at the school turned up dead in the most horrifying, bizarre, ways."

Paragraphs usually change when there is a change of subject, or a different speaker.

2) I really like your use of language and the style of your writing.

"The story goes that a young girl went to school one day and never came out. No one knows what became of her, she was invisible."

This part could be improved a bit, as in:

"The story goes that a young girl went to school one day and never came home. To this day, no one knows what became of her. It was as though she was invisible."

Hope I've helped you out a bit and if you would like anymore help just message me :) I'm really tired so I'm going to bed now, nighty night, lol.

Posted: Sep 12, 2008

Author Comment:

thank you!! u helped yea i'll do that right now b4 other ppl start reading it, good thing its late lol i shall use the line and try to separate the paragraphs. yay im glad u liked it i'll start posting the rest that i have soon. seriously htanx u encouraged me =D

lol this was pretty good! Ill keep going onto the next chapter, why don't you check out my story "Lunar eclipse" and my friends story "solar eclipse" (you will understand when you read the intro to lunar.

Posted: Sep 13, 2008

Author Comment:

yea i'll check it out, glad u liked it

whoops...theres not a second chap, nvm lol

Posted: Sep 13, 2008

Author Comment:

there will be :D

Np I like to help people with their writing, even though most people try to defend their writing when I mention even one thing wrong with it *sigh* They think I'm flaming them and start saying things like "if you don't like it don't read it" when I clearly mentioned I like their story. I'm glad you're not one of those people and I'm also glad I encouraged you :) It makes me feel special ^.^

Posted: Sep 14, 2008

Author Comment:

im glad u encouraged me 2, and hopefully the story will do better, c i've already written 9 chaps for it they just need ALOT of tweaking. i like critisism i even said it in my profile. even if u think ur writing is the best there will always be one person to find some tweaking to do. other ppl tend to not realize that lol well you could always let them down just a wee tiny bit subtler lol well for those that need it.

gory... i luvvvv gory... lol!! cool. i had to read this again, i really luv the death beginning... btw, this's a great chap, and i'm curious. only it's better if you do some grammar check too... i hate grammars too, but nevermind right???... let's encourage one another at improving. *off to read the next chap*

Posted: Dec 18, 2008

Author Comment:

lol ur funny, glad u liked it! im all for the gore myself lol not too much but just enough lol



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